Amy Alkon's Blog, page 29

Give Pizza A Chance

I'm a straight 36-year-old woman, and I recently lost a lot of weight. My doctor's happy. My girlfriends think I look great. They're all "How'd you do it?" "You look like a model!" However, my male friends think I'm too skinny now. Is there a big difference in what the sexes consider a good body?

--Slim

Though women assume that men think the ideal female body shape is modeliciously skinny, consider that construction workers rarely yell out, "Hey, Hotstuff! Great set of ribs!"

In studies explo...

Buddha Heat

My husband and I are lucky -- like that couple in their 70s you wrote about -- to have a satisfying sex life after 23 years together. Still, to be honest, there are times when we're just going through the motions. I guess it's natural that it isn't as exciting as it was that first year or so. Maybe we just have to accept it. Or...is there anything we can do? (We do have date nights and try to experiment with new things.)

--Ho-Humming Somewhat

It's like buying your dream house -- and then livi...

In The Mood For Shrug

I'm a 35-year-old guy. My fiancee broke up with me a year ago. I was devastated. We don't have any contact now, but I still love her. I haven't been on one date since our breakup, and I reminisce about her constantly. My guy friends are like, "Move on, dude. Get a life!" But honestly, that's not that helpful. What is the best way to get over an ex besides time?

--Stuck

That which does not kill you makes you crap company on poker night. "Jeez, man, quit crying on the cards!"

Your buddies sure...

Credible Fret

I'm a 34-year-old woman in a two-year relationship with a guy. I've never been the jealous type. Yet, I do feel oddly possessive and jealous in this relationship, especially lately. My friends say this a sign I need to "work on" myself. Really? If so, how? What do I need to do?

--Worried

"Hey, where's the boyfriend?" your friend asks as she plops down on the couch next to you. You look at your phone: "Well, according to my tracking device, he's at the end of Main, turning right onto Slauson."...

Netflix And Kill

My boyfriend and I have a TV ritual -- watching our favorite show together every week. Yesterday, I had a dinner meeting, and I asked him to wait to watch it with me, but he didn't. There's so much other stuff on TV. Did he really need to watch "our show"? He doesn't understand what the big deal is and told me to just watch the episode myself and get caught up. Grrr.

--Mad

So, your boyfriend's saying, "My darling...my love...you know your happiness means the world to me -- just not enough to...

Weed Better Get Some Febreze

I'm sober, but my boyfriend smokes pot. I'm fine with that, but I don't want him smoking in the house. He says it's his house, too, so I'm not being fair. Plus, it is cold in the rural area where we live and rains a lot, so he'd have to put on a jacket, go on the porch, etc., to smoke. I get it, but I hate the smell, and I don't want to go to 12-step meetings smelling like weed. That's just not right. Help.

--Upset Girlfriend

Surprisingly, the road to respect and good standing in the 12-step...

Angry Bards

I'm tired of being angry at my ex-boyfriend. My best friend suggested I write an email to him, saying everything I want to say, but send it to her instead. It seemed like a bad idea, delving into those feelings even more, but I did it anyway. Miraculously, I felt much better afterward. A fluke?

--Puzzled

I get it: You were all, "Write a letter he'll never read? Um, I wasn't dating Santa."

However, psychologist James Pennebaker finds that writing about upsetting events in our lives can act as...

Fade Diet

I got ghosted -- dumped by a guy who just disappeared on me, no explanation -- after three months of lovey-dovey dating. Clearly, he isn't a great person, yet I'm unable to stop thinking about him and wondering why he left. How do I accept that it's over so I can start dating again?

--Plagued

It's hard on the ego to learn why somebody's leaving you, but it beats needing a Ouija board.

It's the mystery that's causing the problem. Typically, when rotten things happen to us, our feel-bad emotio...

Fappy Gilmore

My husband and I are both 70, and we have a good, satisfying sex life.��I found out recently that he masturbates now and then.��I was puzzled and hurt, but he said he just doesn't want to bother me all the time.��Should I be worried that he's masturbating?

--In The Dark

You really want your husband to hit you up for some sex whenever the urge strikes him? Imagine the call: "Hi, honey...I'm in the golf course bathroom. How quickly can you get down here?"

As long as your husband isn't ditching...

The Last Stare Fighter

I'm a 28-year-old woman who has been single for over five years. I'm steering clear of dating sites right now because of how so many guys portray themselves in ways that are very different from how they are in person. But then, in day-to-day life, when I smile at a guy I like, he'll usually smile back but he still won't come over and talk to me. Call me traditional, but I want a guy who has the courage to approach me. Guys are meant to do the pursuing.

--Unapproached

"Guys are meant to do th...