Amy Alkon's Blog, page 26

Teetotally Awesome

I'm a recovering addict, five years sober. My ex-boyfriend was a "normie" (12-step slang for someone who hasn't had addiction issues), and there were definitely things he just didn't get. Do I need to date another recovering addict to feel understood? I've done that before, and I really don't like it. It's like living in a recovery bubble 24/7.

--Sober

A person who doesn't have a history of addiction can understand the need to take the edge off. They'll even admit to doing it themselves -- wi...

Her Beta Half

In a documentary on Lady Gaga, she talked about how whenever she reached a new pinnacle of success, her boyfriend or fiance left her. It happened three times. My most recent boyfriend couldn't handle it when I started to become successful. Are my options to be successful and alone or unsuccessful and loved? How do I find someone who won't feel threatened?

--Disturbed

It's often hard for a man who's achieved less than the woman he's with. She introduces him with "Meet my boyfriend..." and he i...

Woe Is Meow

I lost over 100 pounds. I'm really proud of my myself and my new body, so I post pix on Instagram. Disturbingly, I've got a few haters -- all women! -- who come at me saying I'm narcissistic, slutty, a showoff, etc. I thought women are supposed to support one another. How should I respond? Should I post fewer selfies?

--So Much For Sisterhood

Nothing lasts forever -- except middle school, which never ever ends. You'll be 85, and some biddy will be all "Look at that slut with the pink walker....

Bong Water Under The Bridge?

I'm a 28-year-old guy in grad school. I love my girlfriend, but I don't want to have sex with her anymore. I'm hitting the books and writing papers day and night. She still wants to party -- go out and smoke pot and drink a lot -- which I used to enjoy but now find empty and stupid. I keep feeling seriously annoyed with her choices, and I'm increasingly attracted to other women. Is this the end, or should we try to make it work?

--College Boy

When you're slaving away in grad school, it can be...

Best Man For The Sob

I'm a 28-year-old guy with an amazing girlfriend. She gets upset and sometimes cries, and I never know how to soothe her. I'm afraid to say the wrong thing, so I don't say anything at all. Of course, she then gets more upset, thinking I don't care. But I do care, and I want her to know.

--Tongue-Tied

When things get emotionally fraught in a relationship, it's tempting to wish for a simpler existence -- like being a dog so all that's expected of you is 1. Don't pee on the rug. 2. Sit still wh...

Denial Of Cervix

My husband's parents asked to be in the delivery room while I'm giving birth, and he said yes -- without asking me. Now he doesn't want to tell them otherwise, which is weird because he isn't usually lacking in assertiveness. I get along fine with my in-laws, but I don't want them in there with me.

--Horrified Mom-To-Be

There are those men who understand what it's like to give birth -- those who've passed a kidney stone the size of a decorative lawn boulder out a slim fleshy tube normally me...

Apartnering Up

My husband and I started having problems when I found an email he sent to his ex-girlfriend saying, "You're the most beautiful woman I've ever met. I want to spend the rest of my life with you." He's never complimented me during our five years together. He revealed that he and his ex used to have sex for hours, while the most we ever spent making love was 45 minutes -- only once, when we were first dating. I think I should leave, but we have a 1-year-old child. We are good together caring for...

Business Meating

A man asked me for my number at an event, saying he wanted to take me to dinner. I told him I'd just ended a relationship and wasn't ready to date. Of course, he then said it'd be a business dinner, and I consented and wrote my number down. I feel that I had bad boundaries and wish a) he hadn't been so forward and b) I hadn't given my number. How could I handle this better in the future? I'm a pretty assertive woman, so my collapsing under pressure was disturbing.

--Jell-O

This is like your t...

Droop-Dead Gorgeous

I lost a bunch of weight after a horrible breakup. I'm eating healthful food now -- yay. But I'm very aware that I'm one of those flabby skinny people. I used to go to the gym regularly, but I stopped, and now it's been two years. How can I motivate myself?

--Stick Figure

There is an unorthodox but excuse-proof way to get yourself back to the gym: Hire a psychopath to chase you there with an ax.

If, however, the psychopaths in your area are busy servicing their regular clients, you might tr...

Here We Glow Again

My friends tease me, saying that I'm such an obnoxious jerk, but amazingly, everybody seems to love me. Somebody said it's because I have charisma -- like a rock star/movie star quality. Honestly, I don't think that highly of myself. I'm interesting-looking, outgoing, funny, and relatively talented in what I do. What is charisma exactly, and can people create it?

--Weirdly Beloved Woman

There are certain people throughout history that you just know had charisma. Moses, for example: "Hey, fell...