Amy Alkon's Blog, page 25

Fair Pay

I went out with a feminist who was all into women's empowerment, but when the bill came, she made no effort to chip in. Please explain this type of feminism. Is it somehow possible that she didn't notice the check?

--Incredulous

It is possible that she didn't notice the check. It's also possible that she likes to take time off from complaining about paternalistic behaviors to sample the ones that work best for her.

While this appears to be a glaring example of self-serving selective feminis...

Keeping It Rio

This girl I've been dating for two months is soon going to Brazil for three months! We aren't officially committed, so it seems unfair to ask her to be monogamous. We plan to stay in touch, but I don't want to hear about her with other dudes, and selfishly, I don't want to stay home, all celibate like some war bride.

--Realistic Or Cracked?

It's very considerate of you to suggest three months sexually off leash, as she is traveling to the ancestral homeland of male supermodels, where a chunk...

Fifty Shades Of Go Away

I'm the female author of a funny memoir about sex addiction and relationships. Unfortunately, I now have male readers asking me on dates via email, even if they don't live in this country! To put it politely, few are men I'd ever be interested in. Also, it feels creepy to be asked out because somebody read all about my sex life. How do I kindly turn them down?

--Disturbed

Some will say you should be flattered that these men are showing interest. These people don't quite get that men hitting o...

Remorse Code

Could you please educate me in the nuances of "I'm sorry"? My girlfriend sometimes says my apologies don't count because of the tone of voice I use when I say "I'm sorry." She said I sound "resentful instead of apologetic." Shouldn't she just accept the apology and not split hairs like this?

--Man In Apology Doghouse

Ideally, your tone of voice in apologizing simply communicates "I'm sorry" and not "I'm sorry you're such a total idiot about this."

Whenever you speak, the emotional packaging -...

Things That Go Bump In The Knight

I'm confused. Does treating women as equals mean not doing those things that would previously have been considered chivalrous, like opening doors and giving a woman your coat? What's now considered polite, and what's considered offensive?

--Bewildered

The response by some women these days to men's well-intentioned acts must tempt at least a few men to swing entirely in the other direction: "Let's see...I could open the car door for my date -- or start to drive off and let her throw herself ac...

Girls Just Wanna Have Funding?

I'm a 34-year-old man, newly single after a relationship that started in college. Though I love the work I do running a small nonprofit, I don't make tons of money. I'm worried that my inability to "provide" in any sort of lavish way will make it hard for me to attract post-college women. Do I need to win the lottery?

--Making A Difference

It is best if the dream date you're proposing isn't all in the presentation: "We have reservations tonight at a cozy new hot spot -- my studio apartment wi...

The Hand That Rocks The Ladle

I'm a 57-year-old twice-divorced man. Though I never wanted to get to a point where romance wouldn't be in my big picture, I'm feeling done with it. I've replaced dating and getting married again with gourmet cooking for one. I'm really enjoying it, but it worries me. Is it okay to be done?

--Single And Culinary

Well, according to some research, married people do live longer. However, that's sometimes just because they were unsuccessful at killing each other.

There's this notion that your li...

From Adhere To Eternity

I'm a 42-year-old woman, and I've been dating the guy in the town house next door for two years. I love him, and I'd like to get married, but he has always taken me for granted. My friends say I'm too available. Yes, I'm always there for him, always picking up the phone or texting back right away, etc. Why is this a bad thing? I'm loyal and caring. Also, I'm not sure how I could be less "available" when he lives next door.

--Undervalued

Being neighbors is so convenient: "Hi...could I just bor...

For Whom The Sleigh Bells Toll

I get very lonely around the holidays. My family is just my parents, and they're far away. I don't have a boyfriend right now. I have many friends and good people in my life, but instead of hanging out with them, I find myself isolating. So...it seems my treatment for loneliness is loneliness and then feeling sorry for myself that I'm home alone. Help!

--Pity Party Animal

Each of us gets into the holiday spirit in our own special way. Some of us build gingerbread houses; some of us build ging...

Crushin' Roulette

I'm a 32-year-old guy with a really great female friend. We talk on the phone, grab food, etc. She even kept me company in the hospital after I got into a motorcycle accident. I've started falling for her, and I want to ask her out, but I'm afraid of losing her friendship.

--Conflicted

It's just a bit of a twist on the friendship ring. You'd like to give her a friendship penis.

Risk researchers find that decision-making in the face of uncertainty -- when we can't be sure of what the outcome...