Amy Alkon's Blog, page 21

Sotally Tober

I spent years on and off drugs and alcohol, but I've been sober for six years. I'm just not the same self-centered immature brat I was. Last week, I reached out to my best friend's brother to apologize for things I did about seven years ago. He still hasn't responded to my text (requesting time to talk to make amends). He told my friend he was having a hard time believing I'm any different. But I am, and I want to prove to him I have changed. How can I do that?

--Sincere

He's seen you swear o...

A Body At Rust

I've been married to a wonderful woman for two years. We have a 2-year-old child. Unfortunately, we stopped having sex when she got pregnant and haven't started again since. She loves me, but she just doesn't want sex like she used to. (And no, I'm not some sexist dude leaving all the baby care to her.) How can we jump-start our sex life?

--Famished

"Being and Nothingness" is 722 pages of stylishly depressing existentialism by Jean-Paul Sartre; ideally, it does not also describe what goes on...

Sister Knives

My sister dates super hot guys, but she's always telling me that looks aren't what matter and I should go for a man who's stable and reliable. Is she looking out for me? How come she doesn't follow her own advice? It seems weirdly hypocritical.

--Puzzled

Charmingly, the men your sister picks for herself look like they could work in strip clubs, while men she picks for you look like accountants who've invested strip malls.

Welcome to "the Juliet effect," as named by evolutionary scientists R...

As Fade Would Have It

I was dating this guy, and it was super intense. He is a big believer in soulmates, and he said he thought I was his. Of course, I was excited, and it all seemed really romantic, and then poof! He was gone. Ghosted me. What makes somebody think simply disappearing is an okay way to break up?

--So Upset

"Love is in the air" is not supposed to mean your new boyfriend disappears into it like a fine mist.

Welcome to the dark side of the "We're soulmates!" thing. It turns out that a person's belie...

Having It Tall

I'm a 6'2" woman. What's the ideal way for me to respond when people (almost always men and total strangers) ask, out of the blue, "How does a woman your height find boyfriends?"

--Annoyed

I'd opt for the macabre approach, delivered totally deadpan: "Actually, I stretch short men on a rack in my basement. You can sometimes hear the screams from the side yard."

Responding with shocking humor -- in an uber-cool tone -- gives you the upper hand, in a way an enraged response to their rudeness wou...

Meek My Day

My style is basically grunge rocker girl: ancient jeans, a vintage rock T-shirt, and bedhead. I need photos of myself, so late Saturday afternoon, I did a photo shoot with a professional stylist, makeup artist, and photographer. Long story short, I despise all the photos. They dressed me in "nice lady" clothes I hated and put too much makeup on me, including lipstick, which I never wear. I'm normally pretty assertive, so I don't understand why I didn't speak up for myself.

--Irritated

When y...

Tales From The Lopside

My boyfriend and I are in a long-distance relationship (for almost four years) that works very well, talking daily and seeing each other every two months. The problem is that it feels like he has much more love for me than I have for him. (He's totally head over heels and expresses this constantly.) I absolutely do love him, and I tell him frequently. But my love intensity just does not match his. Additionally, I should mention that I've tried to leave him in the past. I didn't think the rela...

Pimp My Rite

My boyfriend dumped me and moved out of our place. I'm on the lease and can't afford to break it, but it still feels like "our place," and that's making it hard to move on. My hippie friend said I should burn sage or light a candle and do a "letting go" meditation. Umm, okay. Can you please explain how rituals like this are bogus and unscientific so I can get her off my back?

--Annoyed

As I see it, lingering emotional distress like yours requires serious intervention -- like sacrificing a goa...

Tents Situation

I read in Bon Appetit about this woman who takes all her dates to Olive Garden to see whether they judge her when she pockets all the leftover breadsticks. Okay, whatever. But what I wanna see is whether somebody's a good person. What kind of dates do you suggest for determining a potential boyfriend's character and values?

--Concerned Woman

People often say you can discover a person's true character from how they treat the waiter. And sure, rudeness to a waiter is a red flag, but it isn't l...

Twisted Sisterhood

I'm a grown woman in the middle of a feud between two of my female friends. They're both complaining to me, and I'm just responding "uh-huh" to give them the hint that I don't want to be involved. Neither's catching on. How do I get out of the middle of this spat without either friend feeling like I'm being disloyal and without my blurting out, "This is ridiculous. Grow up, ladies!"

--Irritated

If only these two would do as a 60-year-old dude in the U.K. just did to dispute a ticket he got o...