Amy Alkon's Blog, page 19

Not A Good Lurk

My girlfriends and I have had this experience numerous times: A guy who's interested in one of us will suddenly stop texting us but then reappear a few months later liking our social media posts. This just happened to me. It's about three months since he vanished, and he's suddenly all up in my Instagram. Why do guys do this?

--Annoyed

You almost wish the guy would greet you honestly: "'Sup, Plan B?!"

This guy might've initially been interested in you. However, chances are you eventually beca...

Indifferent Strokes

My father just got diagnosed with cancer. Most people have been extremely supportive, but two girlfriends I texted about this haven't responded at all. Is it really that hard to say "I'm so sorry"? Should I use this opportunity to do a little friend house cleaning and demote certain "friends" to acquaintance status, knowing now that I can't count on them?

--Too Harsh?

At least when you yell into the Grand Canyon, you get back more than the blinking cursor of nothingness.

Ideally, your friends...

Rehash Marks

One of my best male friends is in a super toxic relationship. I've told him to end it many times, and he does, but then he gets roped back in. At this point, I don't want to listen anymore, and I'm tired of saying the same thing. How do I convey that without blowing the friendship?

--Earache �� If you wanted to repeat yourself constantly,��you'd get a side hustle as a parrot.�� �� Let's be honest. When a friend puts their relationship issues on endless repeat, it's tempting to put the phone d...

Assertiveness Draining

I met a guy, and he was very enthusiastic, calling and texting multiple times every day, almost obsessively. Soon after, I was having a really bad week: too much work, health issues with my parent...just really vulnerable. He said stuff like "I'd never leave you," "I'll never run away." Well, a couple of days later, he just vanished. I blocked him after two days of no contact, and I feel kind of bad. All my girlfriends think it was too harsh, but my guy friends think it was the right thing to...

Hunk Bonds

I've slept with a lot of really hot guys, but weirdly, the guys who end up being my long-term boyfriends are not the super hot ones. My current boyfriend is attractive but not even close in hotness to some of the guys I've had one-nighters with in the past. I've noticed this pattern in female friends' guys, too. Why is this a thing?

--Interested

There's a certain kind of man a woman looks to date exclusively...for three to five hours.

I often cite research from evolutionary psychology that f...

The Feud Pyramid

Two weeks ago, I finally dumped my totally abusive jerk of a boyfriend. I do miss him, but I know I made the right decision. I came to see that he was cruel, manipulative, sociopathic, and toxic. However, I stupidly went on Facebook and saw that he already has a new girlfriend! I'm so pissed that I was replaced so quickly. I do not want him back, but��I do want to make him suffer, basically to get revenge for all he put me through. My friend keeps telling me revenge is unhealthy and toxic and...

Lewd Awakening

A guy I don't know well sent me a creepy Facebook message with pervy language. Next, he messaged me a bunch of tantra memes -- sex as a celebration, blah, blah, blah. It grossed me out. Why would a guy think he can be so blatantly sexual out of nowhere? What should you say to a guy who does this?

--Yuck

When a guy messaging you starts sounding like Rumi or some other ancient elder, it's usually for good reason -- like that he's short on hookup partners and the market's way behind in building...

Having A Bawl

My best friend just got dumped by her boyfriend, and she's totally devastated. I always thought he was a jerk, but I know saying that won't help her feel any better. I want to be there for her but don't know how. What's the best thing to say to somebody who's heartbroken?

--Lost

Assuming she isn't all "I wanna be alone!" you really just need to show up. You might even bring a little something: "I'm here, and I've got dinner. Very low-carb, too -- your ex's head on a spike."

The thing is, for...

Bilk And Honey

I'm a 27-year-old guy. I'm short, and honestly, I'm not that physically attractive. I am nice, funny, and on the fast track in my career. My friends say bluntly that the more money I make the more women will be interested in me. I'm sure that's true, but I'm interested in falling in love, not just finding a gold digger. Advice?

--Ambitious

It would be nice if there were an easy way to identify the gold diggers -- like if they showed up for dates carrying a giant golden shovel instead of a han...

Meme Girls

I keep reading about how detrimental social media usage is, with people avoiding face-to-face interaction and feeling inferior when they see everyone else looking gorgeous and having fabulous lives. Would you recommend taking regular breaks from social media?

--Instagrammer Girl

Put on 10 pounds recently? No problem! There's surely an app that'll stick your head on the bod of some 22-year-old actress who works out 13 hours a day and subsists on Nicorette gum and bottles of air blessed by monk...