Amy Alkon's Blog, page 15

The Sociopath Of Least Resistance

I discovered that the guy I'm dating has a girlfriend he's cheating on. In fact, she confronted us, which was awful. I've had a history of guys cheating on me, and I want to end the pattern. Unfortunately, I'm not attracted to a lot of guys I go out with, and I'm really attracted to this guy.

--Chemistry

Being really attracted to somebody is the go-to excuse for shrugging off a potential partner's shady behavior -- pretty much anything this side of "Well, sure, several of his neighbors are...

Halving It All

I'm a 20-something gay man dating someone who makes much more money than I do. He picks up the tab on most dates, and while he seems okay with this, it makes me uncomfortable. I pay here and there, but I can't afford much beyond lunch or lattes. Does our financial inequality mean a relationship between us is doomed?

--Barely Scraping By

Chances are the guy doesn't think you're hoofing it up to the Coinstar clutching a baggie of change because you feel the nickels and dimes between your couch...

From Hear To Eternity

My roommate has this need to tell me all about his day when he gets home. Making matters worse, his main form of communication is complaining. I need quiet time when I come home, not a second job as an unlicensed therapist. I've hinted at this, but he isn't catching on.

--Weary

Your hopes and dreams change as you go through life -- like when you get a roommate who won't shut up and you regularly fantasize that masked violent orthodontists are holding him down in an alley while they wire his...

Bald Eager

Are there any psychological hacks for getting people to like you?

--Self-Improvement Junkie

In social interaction, there's a balance between keeping it real and keeping it strategic. Going mad-enthusiastic over somebody you've just met is cute -- if you're a labradoodle. (That also makes it more forgivable when, in your excitement, you pee on the person's shoe.)

There are two essential pieces of advice for getting people to like you: 1. Cool pursuit instead of hot pursuit. 2. Shut up and...

"I Have A Gleam..."

I'm a straight woman, and at my recent birthday party, several people remarked about this other woman, also straight, "Whoa, is she infatuated with you, or what?" Straight women getting intense girl crushes on me has actually been a pattern in my life. Weird. A friend says I have "charisma" but couldn't really explain what that is.

--Mysteriously Popular

Charisma is human magnetism. If you're a mugger with charisma, you don't even have to hold people up at gunpoint. They just come over and...

Spurner Phone

My boyfriend of nine years often doesn't reply to my texts and emails. He says that we talk daily, and whatever's in my message could be discussed then. Well, it hurts my feelings to get zero response. Not even an emoji.

--Increasingly Angry

Communicating with a man should not compare unfavorably with yelling into a manhole. (Shout "Hello?" into the sewer and you'll at least get the courtesy of a faint "hellooo" or two back.)

An email to your boyfriend is not just an email. It's what...

Charmin School

Yesterday, my roommate picked up some household supplies (toilet paper, sponges, etc.) and asked me to split the cost. I've bought plenty of household supplies in the two years we've lived together without ever asking for any money. It feels weird and cheap that he's suddenly doing this. Am I being unreasonable in feeling this way, or is he being seriously petty?

--Annoyed

Weird conflicts like this make you start seeing your roommate differently, and not in a good way -- kind of like Joan of...

To The Better End

My boyfriend and I just ended it. We had fun together and sex was great, but we're bad for each other. He's emotionally withholding, and I want love and openness in a relationship. Breaking up was the right thing, but I miss him horribly. Are there any hacks to make a breakup less devastating?

--Miserable

You say it yourself: "We're bad for each other." Staying together on these terms is like being lactose intolerant and going on a fondue cleanse.

Unfortunately, understanding this probably...

Talons Show

Women are so mean. I'm the new girl at work, having started my job two weeks ago. Yesterday, I had a date after work, so I wore my date outfit to the office. It wasn't scandalous, but it was a little sexier than my usual workwear. I was in a bathroom stall, and I overheard two female co-workers talking about me: mean, nasty, catty talk. And really, my outfit was not terribly revealing. Why are women so awful to one another?

--Upset

Imagine if there'd been three women in the Garden of Eden --...

Loathe Actually

I'm a gay man, and I've developed a crush on my best friend, despite his not being my type at all. He's very confident, and I kind of want to be him. I have many insecurities, and a mutual friend suggested what I really find attractive is how my best friend knows everything about me and accepts me anyway. The more I think about it, the more I suspect our mutual friend is right.
--Wrong Reasons?

Ideally, the process of feeling good about yourself is not modeled on siphoning somebody's gas.

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