Amy Alkon's Blog, page 12

Ember Alert

I want to end a relationship, but I don't know how. I don't want to hurt my boyfriend's feelings, but we're just not a good fit. I really hate conflict and would rather just ghost, but I know that's not right. What's the easiest way to break up with someone? Is there a way to make it less traumatic?

--Avoidant

The easiest way to break up with someone is to be crushed by a flaming meteorite. There's no uncomfortable conversation; your smoking ashes say it all: "It's not you. It's me, and specif...

Endless LOL

My roommates have a text thread that includes all three of us. They chat on it all day long, and it's driving me absolutely insane. We all live together and work at home, so I don't see the need to keep texting nonstop. I turned off notifications for the group text, but that doesn't mean the convo has stopped, and I'm annoyed seeing it lit up every time I look at my phone. (What's with this ridiculous need to communicate one's every thought?) I want to tell them they need to reel it in and to le...

The Afterwife

My wonderful stepmom died last year, and my dad was debilitated by grief. I got him to go to a support group, which really seemed to help. He's been dating a woman he met there, and they've gotten serious. My brother says my dad wants to marry this woman. He's happy for our dad, but I'm disgusted. It's just wrong that he's with another woman so soon. My dad loved my stepmother and was a great husband, but he's now looking like a fraud because he's moved on so quickly.

--Distraught Daughter

It'...

Smells Like Quarantine Spirit

I started seeing a guy right before quarantine. In fact, we've broken quarantine a lot to be together at his place. I really like him, but I'm worried because our entire relationship has taken place indoors (watching movies, playing video games, sex). We have no experience together in real life, and maybe I don't know the real him. What if we go to dinner and he's rude to the wait staff? How can I figure out what kind of person he is when we can't go to places where we engage with other people?

...

Trial By Fireworks

I seem to need more excitement than most people. After eight months together, my boyfriend and I have fallen into a routine. Simply scheduling regular date nights seems unlikely to improve things. I'm 35, not 5, and I realize an ongoing relationship won't be as exciting as when it was new, but I'm worried my boredom is a sign I don't really love him. (And I'm pretty sure I do.)

--Worried Woman

Unfortunately, love is not a cure for boredom, so there's a point in a relationship when it's temptin...

The Son-In-Law Also Rises

I'm meeting my girlfriend's parents for the first time (for dinner at their house), and I'm absolutely terrified. Is there a way to win them over? Should I just compliment the hell out of their daughter? She's the first woman I've seriously thought about marrying, so I really want her parents to like me.

--The Boyfriend

Your "blowing smoke" in, um, a sun-free direction -- like by "complimenting the hell out of" your girlfriend to her parents - is likely to be about as well-received as trying t...

Haunting License

My boyfriend broke up with me recently. He wants to be friends, and I don't want to reject his friendship, but it's really painful when we hang out. How do I deal with the attraction I still have for him and the frustration and pain that he doesn't want more?

--Brokenhearted Gay Boy

It's hard to accept that it's over when your partner's breakup M.O. is essentially, "All good things must come to a middle."

Unfortunately, the emotional bond you have with this guy won't conveniently disintegrat...

Along Came Pawly

I've been married for two years to a woman whose sister is extremely manipulative. She finds reasons to touch me inappropriately -- for example, "Your hair is so pretty. I have to pet it." She puts an arm around my shoulders or comes toward me and puts both hands around my neck. This past weekend, I was seated on the couch, and she came up behind me, grabbed me, kissed me as far down my neck as she could, and swiftly left. All of this creeps me out, but because she always does this when other re...

When Harem Met Sally

My ex just started dating a female friend of his. When we were together, I always worried about the chemistry I felt they had, and it hurts that they got together right after our breakup. Does this mean he's always had feelings for her? Does it cheapen our entire relationship?

--Bummed

"I only have eyes for you" is sometimes actually true, like when two people in a relationship are being held hostage together in the trunk of a car.

Beyond small-space kidnappings, the reality is typically mor...

Comparison Chopping

My boyfriend and I broke up two years ago, and I guess I'm not over him. I'm not still pining for my ex, but I find myself comparing every guy I date to him. How do I get him out of my head?

--Haunted

When you're looking for love, it's good to avoid wearing distracting jewelry, like an ex-boyfriend-shaped anvil on a chain around your neck.

But maybe you don't have the problem you think you do: not being over your ex. After all, you say you aren't pining over the guy. Consider that we don't ...