Amy Alkon's Blog, page 8

Tender Mercenaries

I'm a 30-year-old woman. My ex is an extremely wealthy and successful Wall Streeter I found to be a charming sociopath: lying, manipulative, and willing to do anything to win. I was curious about the woman he was with before me, so I Googled her. Like him, she's in her 40s and very good-looking. She's really accomplished: an Ivy grad and founder and CEO of a successful company. I was surprised to see she's dating a guy who's a construction manager. With all she has going for her, why would she m...

Emily Postal

Bright red lipstick is my trademark. It makes me feel attractive and confident: ready to take on the world. A female friend criticizes me at parties about my leaving a lipstick mark on my glass, even when it's a plastic cup. She says it's disgusting, often when guys are listening. Is this her problem or bad etiquette I need to change?

--Girl Unpowered

According to annoyed caterers ranting online, lipstick on glass has staying power second only to nuclear garbage and nightmare party guests ("B...

Couching Tiger

I'm a woman in my late 20s in a happy, committed relationship. I had the idea of going to a therapist with my boyfriend so we can learn to communicate better, etc. Friends I've told about this see it as a sign of "trouble in paradise." Is it possible I'm in denial and there's something wrong between my boyfriend and me?

--Unsettled

Be glad your friends are not in charge of airplane maintenance. It's annoying when a nonstop flight makes an unscheduled stop -- especially when it involves going d...

Cujo's Diner

I live in California, where there's outdoor dining. My husband and I disagree about bringing our dog to restaurants. Our pooch has to sit under the table, and I think it's really dirty and unkind to put him there. My husband thinks we should bring him. What do you think?

--Concerned

Dogs long to please us, which is why they always give us such wonderful little presents: "Wow, Toto, headless dead bird? Oh, good, because a diamond tennis bracelet would be super boring."

By human cleanliness s...

Meet Joe Slack

My boyfriend does everything halfway, save for playing video games and smoking weed. He does sloppy work at his job, just the minimum to get by, and is always late turning things in. He's gotten away with this so far, maybe because he's charismatic and fun. In our relationship, he'll promise me one thing and do another, and he does sneaky-lazy things like using up my shampoo but leaving the empty bottle in the shower. He's highly intelligent and could be so much better than this. Is there a way ...

Drop Dud, Gorgeous

I typically avoid conflict to keep from having ugly conversations. I'm in an unhappy relationship, and it's clearly not fixable. I always rely on the other person to end a relationship, even when it's making me really miserable. Why do I do this, and how do I change?

--Stuck Girl

Note that fighter planes have an "ejection seat" and not a "go down in a flaming wreck" seat.

Fighter plane seat design is a helpful model for relationships that have run their course. Facts don't change because you ...

Fate Club

I'm a woman in my early 30s. I grew up on a steady diet of romance novels, and I keep longing for the true "soul mate" love from my fictional world. No guy ever seems right, so I never feel that yearning, intense desire, and connectivity I've been searching for. I feel more of those emotions reading romance novels than I ever did with any boyfriend. Do you believe each person has a "true love"? Am I too much of a romantic?

--Lonely Dreamer So, going by the romance novel standard, you're just ...

Adoptee Strainer

My boyfriend, who was adopted as an infant, just heard from his birth mom for the first time ever. She contacted him out of the blue, sending a perfectly nice message, not expecting anything from him. Instead of responding to it, he's just sort of shutting down. Times are tough enough, and I don't think it's healthy to bottle up his feelings. However, whenever I point that out or ask him how he feels, he says he doesn't want to talk about it. How can I help motivate him to process his feelings?

...

Flee Bites

I broke up with my boyfriend because he didn't prioritize our relationship and wouldn't commit. He now wants to get back together and has been sending me cards and letters for weeks. Is it foolish to give him another shot?

--Red Flag?

A man who's all, "Forget the Tinder randos! I need you!" is a man whose sexual freedom means less to him than being with you. It's basically like a lion knocking on the door of the zoo: "Got a cage for me?"

Still, it's natural you're giving his pleas to get ba...

All Night Yawn

I'm a 32-year-old woman with a pattern of getting into relationships and then not wanting to have sex. I'm really into sex when the relationship's new. But about a year in, I stop wanting to have sex, even when the emotional part of the relationship is good. Why does this happen, and is it preventable?

--Dismayed

Over time, everything gets old. Even men and women who are into the freakiest sex eventually look over at their partner all, "Ugh. Not another night of the same old-same old in the se...