Amy Alkon's Blog, page 6

Buddy Heat

I'm dating an awesome woman I see a future with. However, there's a hurdle: She doesn't want to have sex until we're committed, but I don't feel right about committing without knowing we have sexual chemistry. A previous relationship ended because the sex was subpar, and I don't want to go through that again.

--Conflicted

Sexual chemistry is pretty important. You don't want to get all emotionally attached and then find that sexually, you go together like peanut butter and a repeating saw.

Men...

Last Manchild Standing

I'm dating a new guy. When we're alone, he's sweet and a complete gentleman. However, whenever we're around his guy friends, he comments about how attractive he finds other women, rants about sports, and farts in front of me. I've hinted that this makes me unhappy, but nothing changes.

--Upset

Love can be transformative -- turning men into emotional marshmallows -- which can lead a 20-something lovestruck dudebro to want to make it known to his posse: "I will not be waking up on Tuesday all Ha...

Flush To Judgment

At my boyfriend's recent high school alumni gathering, it came to light that he had bullied a student (holding his head in the toilet, etc.). We've been together for almost two years and have discussed marriage. However, I'm truly unsettled that he was capable of committing such awful acts. It makes me feel that I no longer truly know who he is. He claims he's an entirely different person and could never do such a thing today. How much weight should I give this?

--Disturbed

Comforting sayings...

Gawking Tall

I really appreciate the science you laid out showing that men instinctively look at women, even if they really love the woman they're with. Maybe I should stop feeling a tad bad about looking at beautiful women and enjoying beauty? After all, my wife and I have been married 26 years, and I've never even kissed anyone else during that time. Admittedly, I've sometimes wanted to, and I've had opportunities. Thanks for a perspective that brings in science and isn't the usual man-bashing that's out t...

Meet Joe Blank Screen

I'm a woman in my late 20s. The guy I'm seeing is "not a phone person" and hates texting. Our time together is wonderful. However, he rarely texts except to make plans. I am used to frequent contact throughout the day via text with boyfriends. My friends say he should be texting every day, multiple times a day. I'm worried his lack of texts signals a lack of interest.

--Disturbed

Technology was supposed to set us free, not dial back our personal autonomy to that of my late hamster. I didn't ha...

Stalk Of Shame

I'm a 34-year-old woman seeking a relationship. Last week, I went to dinner with a man. We had an instantaneous connection and ended up having sex. I haven't heard from him since. I've always believed sex on a first date doesn't matter if there's a connection. Now I'm worried I moved too quickly. I'm tempted to call him. Any advice on what to say?

--Disappointed

Chasing a man into wanting you is usually about as successful as trying to split atoms with small household tools.

You may believe s...

The Blurt Locker

My boyfriend and I broke up during a nasty fight. I (rashly and immaturely) blurted out that we should just break up. He blurted out, "Fine!" and asked to stop talking for a while. Ugh. I still want to be with him. Dating coaches advise a "no contact" rule post-breakup (cutting off communication for 21 to 45 days). Do you agree? Is this a way to give him a chance to miss me, reset, and get back together in a healthy way?

--Distressed

If you broke up by accident and still want to be with the ...

Spite Girl

In my romantic relationships, conflicts bring out a side of me that I don't like. I fly into a rage and end up making ugly comments I later regret. In the moment, it's like I can't stop. I'm shocked by the level of anger I have, and I'm afraid to enter relationships as a result.

--Exploding Woman

There are obvious shortcuts in anger management, such as: "Never go to bed angry. Smother the unreasonable idiot next to you so you can get some sleep."

Anger gets knocked as a toxic emotion, but wh...

Smear Pressure

I'm a college sophomore, and my boyfriend is a senior. He's a football player, and other girls have crushes on him. Recently, he was with his guy friends at a party. A girl came over and said I'd slapped her across the face. I've never even met her! Why would she do this?

--Mystified

Women are seen as the kinder, gentler sex because they tend not to leave a trail of bloody noses and broken barstools. But women go plenty aggressive on other women, just in ways they can't patch up at urgent car...

Ancestry Dot Bomb

You wrote about a 58-year-old woman dating a 23-year-old guy. What's the big deal with that? My daughter moved in with a 58-year-old creep when she was 18. He gave his own daughter heroin when she was 18. Bad guy. He and my daughter just had a baby, and now she's pregnant again.

--Distraught Dad

First-time parents live in terror that they're getting it wrong (like that they aren't spending enough time reading "Hooked on Phonics" to their kid in the womb), when they could really just leave thei...