Amy Alkon's Blog, page 9

Knight Vision

My boyfriend is very successful, with a high-profile job in finance. He's very romantic, and I felt I'd found "the one." However, he has cheated on previous girlfriends, is unusually protective of his phone around me, and otherwise acts secretively. For example: He began disappearing for three hours on Wednesday nights. He didn't return any texts, which is unlike him. He claimed he was at "therapy," forgetting he'd told me he instead uses life coaches at his job. Another example: I stopped over ...

Son Of Clam

Getting my boyfriend to talk to me about his feelings seems impossible. I know guys tend not to be super emotive, but trying to get a read on what he's feeling is like trying to understand a foreign language. How can I get him to open up to me?

--Distressed

If only the Rosetta stone had included a fourth language: Heterosexual Male.

The Rosetta stone, for those who ditched history class to smoke pot behind the dumpster, was a tabletlike rock fragment that turned out to have the same message ...

Apt. 201B Or Not To Be

My boyfriend and I have been together for two years, and my lease is up in a few months. I was thinking about asking him if he wants to live together. When is the right time to move in with someone, and how do you know whether that's even a good idea?

--Housing Crisis

There are people you can share a home with who do not do a slew of annoying things, and they're those who are continuing their tenure on our planet in an urn.

As a failed romantic (aka human-nature realist), I think there's a ...

Grand Theft Autocrat

I'm a 29-year-old straight woman, and I recently started dating this guy I really like. The only issue is he seems a bit controlling. For example, he always wants to pick the restaurant and which TV show we watch. While I'm generally pretty go with the flow, it seems like I never choose what we're doing. It's one thing to pick the restaurant, but I worry that he might be like this with bigger things (like if we got a place together or got married). Should I be worried?

--Unsure

It's important...

Fickle-Down Economics

I'm a 29-year-old straight woman. I recently came to the odd conclusion that I have no idea what I want in a man. Over the past few years, I've been dating a variety of guys and hoping they'll be right for me, and it's not working. Some turn out to be nice guys, but some turn out to be jerks. One turned out to be a truly terrible person, but in hindsight, all were obviously wrong for me. In each case, the underlying problems were always there, but I didn't identify them until things blew up mont...

At Debt's Door

Quarantine's been weighing on me, and I've been making a lot of unnecessary purchases. I know I need to stop wasting money, but I just keep ordering thing after thing. How can I get that satisfaction from buying something without actually buying it?

--Going Broke

We humans are ever-failing self-disciplinarians, two-legged weasels talking ourselves into things we know we shouldn't do. For example, there's that saying, "Everything happens for a reason." No, the fact that those $800 shoes are now...

Heavy Mental

I'm a woman who recently stopped talking with a guy I'd been seeing because, frankly, I didn't find him intelligent enough. He is a good guy, but just a little dim for me. When I told my friends this was the reason I ended things, they said it was a bit snobbish. Does this make me an intellectual snob? I get that he has other good qualities, but I just don't feel like they're enough.

--Nerd Seeking Nerd

Love sometimes requires one to make sacrifices, but these shouldn't include avoiding any w...

Coddle Herder

My boyfriend's enabling of his failure-to-launch 26-year-old son is seeming like a deal breaker. Though his son's very likable, he's been fired from every job he's had, including a well-paying delivery job I recently got him, after they perceived liability from his reckless, race-driving ways. His dad lent him a truck, pays the insurance, pays his cellphone bill, and keeps rescuing him on his rent. He spends his days video gaming, getting stoned, and online dating. I was looking forward to...

What An Earl Wants

This new guy I've been dating said he wants to keep things casual. I'm bummed because I've caught some pretty intense feelings for him. Is it possible he just needs to get to know me better and once he does, he'll feel differently?

--Wishful

Pursuing a relationship with this guy is like sentencing yourself to live out the rest of your days stuck in that "distracted boyfriend" meme.

Understanding your situation starts with a peek into book publishing. Unbeknownst to most people, the most prof...

Ex To Grind

I'm seeing this new guy, but his ex-girlfriend is absolutely awful: rude, unfriendly, and less-than-intelligent. It makes me question his judgment. If he's interested in a girl like that, I'm not sure I want to be with him.

--Legitimate Fear?

Really good sex can keep a man from seeing the romantic hellshow he's in, especially when the thinking cap he automatically reaches for comes from a small square package marked "Trojan."

We assume someone's romantic partners are a result of carefully re...