Amy Alkon's Blog, page 5

No Manchild Left Behind

I'm a woman in my early 20s. I'm considered pretty, and I'm in good shape. I started dating significantly older men (in their 40s and early 50s). I love that they're adults and I don't become a girlfriend-slash-nanny, motivational coach, and resume editor like when I'm dating guys my age. But these older men and I are in different life stages with different goals. They want to get married way sooner than I do, or they've had kids and don't want more. How can I trick my brain into wanting men my ...

Fraud Prince

I broke up with a guy I was dating after discovering he'd lied about his age on the dating app we'd met on. (He's 48, not "39.") I'd told him honesty's a big deal for me. He claimed he's honest with those he cares about and at work and argued that everybody lies on dating sites. I'm not buying that. Isn't someone either honest or not?

--Skeptical

There's that saying, "act your age," and he is -- as a guy cresting 50 who wants a girlfriend who still sometimes gets carded.

Chances are you cons...

Six Degrees Of Penetration

I'm a senior in college, and the woman I recently started seeing is a sophomore. My buddies told me she has a "reputation," as in, she's hooked up with half the men's soccer team. She's beautiful and intelligent, and I don't understand why she has the low self-esteem to behave that way.

--Rethinking Our Relationship

Turn the tables, and imagine a guy who's hooked up with half the cheerleading squad. Your first thought: "Dude must have a huge..." (and correct me if I'm wrong) "...set of mommy ...

Jerk du Soleil

I'm a guy in my senior year of college. I cannot figure out how my roommate gets all the women he does. He's a huge jerk to everyone, including women -- the typical "bad boy." He breaks any rule or law he can, doesn't care who he hurts, and makes very little effort with women, yet all my female friends go for him. A good friend (sleeping over, as it got really late) even left my bed in the middle of the night to get into his! Why?!!

--Nice Guy

Women -- especially in their 20s -- will blather o...

Loot Actually

I'm envious of a friend whose boyfriend frequently does nice things for her: bringing her soup when she's sick and surprising her with a weekend getaway and a pricey handbag she'd been coveting. My boyfriend is a nice, reliable, loving guy. I'd considered myself lucky to have him, but now I'm worried my "good-boyfriend" standard is too low.

--Comparison Shopping

A woman feels loved when the man she's with does those little things that say "thinking of you" -- as opposed to "spent all day forg...

Weekend At Bernie Madoff's

I had a nice first-date dinner with a guy I met on a dating app. Afterward, he said he had something to show me, pulled up his pant leg, and revealed an ankle monitor! He said he hadn't wanted to put it on his dating profile, and "It was just white-collar." (I Googled. Embezzling money. He's on "supervised release" -- apparently with some range beyond house arrest.) This situation bothered me, but I accepted his invitation for a second date, given our chemistry.

--Shocked

Ideally, if a man wea...

Dear In Headlights

I'm a girl in my 20s. I recently started dating a guy I'm falling in love with. He invited me to a party to meet his friends, and I'm nervous. He's "objectively" more attractive than I am (6-foot-2, brawny, and incredibly handsome) and very successful. I'm attractive, but I see the looks women give him, and I can't help but feel his friends will question why he's interested in me. I'm thinking of backing out of the party, but maybe I should back out of dating him entirely, given the pressure.

...

Life In The Fastened Lane

I've been with my boyfriend for a year, and I love him, but I also love my independence. I need alone time, meaning space from him and everybody. He wants to spend every minute together and seems to need constant closeness to feel okay. Is this a bad sign -- on his part or mine? Should I want to spend every second with him?

--Confused

The sort of relationship where the partners are never apart tends to be a good thing for only one of them: the tapeworm.

Chances are your boyfriend's preferenc...

Wait Problem

This guy texts and FaceTimes me daily, and he finally asked me out. I was expecting a date, but it was a group dinner in his friend's backyard, and he didn't make a move all evening. I was sure he was into me, and we're both fully vaccinated. What's his deal?

--Confused

Sexually, if your date is a total animal, you'd prefer it not be the sort that gets bungeed to the hood of a hunter's station wagon.

The underlying problem here is "information asymmetry," which Nobel Prize-winning economist ...

Needle In A Bae Stack

I am a 31-year-old woman, and I can't figure out why I'm having such a hard time finding a man. I am attractive (in good shape and considered pretty); have a master's degree; am successful in a competitive business; and I love to read and talk about news, history, and ideas. I have wonderful friends; I've worked hard to resolve my issues; and I do my best to be a kind person. I just want my match: someone who's smart, highly educated, equally successful or more so, attractive (tall -- at least 6...