Amy Alkon's Blog, page 11

Blurt Force Trauma

I became friends with this awesome guy who moved into my apartment complex. I can tell that he's into me, but he's not my type at all. What should I say to tell him I'm not interested?

--Uncomfortable

Telling a guy you aren't interested before he asks you out is like coming up to a stranger in a bar and saying, "This seat taken? By the way, I find you sexually repellant."

Rejection shouldn't be thrown around like croutons to geese. Social psychologist Mark Leary notes that romantic rejection ...

Bleachable Moments

I'm a 27-year-old elementary school teacher. My boyfriend wants to film us in bed, but I'm not entirely sure how I feel about it. I can't help but play out some nightmare scenario that we break up and he does something awful with the footage. He's a good guy, and I trust him, but this still seems like a reasonable fear to have. Should I just calm down and go with it, or should I tell him my fears?

--Ms. Anonymous

Your willingness to appear on video doing dirty hot yoga and making wounded anima...

Sittin' On The Dock Of The Bae

I'm a 34-year-old woman, and I've been with my boyfriend for about eighteen months. He's a loving guy but comes up a little short on romance ("butterfly moments," I guess you'd call them, from being surprised with some big romantic gesture). While I want those, I wonder whether that's just because society/media/culture have led me to believe they're the norm? How can I get these "butterfly moments" without asking unreasonable things of him?

--In Need

Heterosexual relationships would be less up...

Wail Watching

My roommate just found out her ex-fiance is terminally ill and is likely to pass away soon. Though they had a weird relationship, I can tell she's taking it pretty hard. I really want to be supportive, but I honestly don't know what to do or say around a grieving person. I'm worried about saying the wrong thing, especially because I'm really uncomfortable with grief. I told her I am here for her if she needs anything. What do you do and say for a person who's in such a terrible situation?

--Cl...

See Monster

Months of quarantine have made FaceTime first dates the new thing. I've been chatting with a few guys on dating apps, and some of them have asked to schedule FaceTimes. Many of my friends have done it, but it still feels weird to me. Though my photos are right in my dating profile, talking with someone over video feels too revealing and not in a good way. Should I try it anyway, or should I wait until it's safe to meet in person?

--Resting Shy Face

When people advise that you shouldn't reveal ...

Doom Raider

I think the guy I recently started dating might run in the same circles as my ex. (He's said a few things that led me to think that.) This terrifies me because I really do not like my ex and don't want there to be any overlap in our lives. I keep having nightmare scenarios play out in my head where I show up to the bar after my new guy's poker game and my ex is there. What can I do if this happens?

--Distressed

It helps to suddenly become British when you run into someone you dread seeing, bec...

Undercover Smother

I'm a 33-year-old bisexual female manager, and a co-worker seems to have an intense crush on me. She invites me out for drinks and buys me little gifts (a teddy bear, chocolates, flowers, a heart-shaped necklace). I make excuses to get out of drinks and show no enthusiasm for the gifts, but the more I don't show interest, the more obsessed she seems. How do I get her to stop without making it awkward?

--Disturbed

It's really uncomfortable when any conversation she has with you includes the bre...

Flesh And Bleh

I started dating someone who is super close to his family (talks to his mom and/or dad daily, sometimes multiple times). I have a perfectly good relationship with my family, but we talk a few times a month, not a few times a day! I'm uneasy that being in a relationship with him will mean being in an intense relationship with his family, too. Should I be worried about dating someone so tied to his mom as an adult?

--Disturbed

There's being close with your parents and then there's being close...

It's Not You. It's Meh.

In the first few weeks of seeing this new guy, I was really into him and wanted to spend all my time with him. We've now been together for three months. For the first time for me in a relationship, I'm okay with being apart from a boyfriend. (Normally, I get insecure and upset.) Maybe this is good, but it worries me. If you don't really miss someone when you aren't together, does that mean you don't love them?

--Concerned

There's an old Billy Joel love song, "I need you in my house because yo...

Merry Goo Round

I'm a straight woman with a boyfriend of three months. I'm falling in love but don't know how to say it. Is there a way that's "safer" than others? Say it super casually? Slip it in at the end of a phone convo? In the middle of sex?

--Wondering Woman

For originality and visual appeal, you can't beat the interior decorator approach to ILY: Your boyfriend walks into your apartment, and you have a little shrine with a small gold statuette of him surrounded by candles and oranges.

But let's back ...