Amy Alkon's Blog, page 22

Coy Story

A male friend says that a woman who wants a hookup can just blurt out "I wanna have sex with you!" to a man and have him take her up on that. However, he claims that a guy who says this to a woman is taking a big risk and is likely to just offend her and possibly get a drink thrown in his face. Is he right?

--Confused Dude

A guy's "I wanna have sex with you!" does work on women -- uh...in movies where the entire plotline is "A nurse gets in the elevator."

To be unappealingly frank, men, in a...

Eye Will Always Love You

I've long been a "Shallow Hal," attracted to women's youth and physical beauty and less concerned with integrity. Not surprisingly, I keep getting into relationships with women who aren't very good people. How can I stop being so superficial?

--Man With Eyes

It isn't wrong to initially be looks-driven: "Now, she's a woman I wanna have sex with!" -- as opposed to "Now, she's a woman I wanna debate on Jeremy Bentham's views on utilitarianism!"

Also, you should no more feel guilty for being draw...

There's Something About Marriott

I'm a married lesbian. Yesterday on the phone, my wife invited her sister to spend the night (in our small one-bedroom apartment) without asking me. When I confronted her, saying it's OUR home, she said, "It's my sister!" Family's very important to her, and her sister didn't come, so I let it go. But what's the protocol with guests, specifically family?

--Feelings Ignored

To err is human -- as is the tendency to duck personal responsibility like it's a shoulder-fired missile.

We have a powe...

Rags Against The Machine

I'm a slim woman in my early 40s -- successful in my field -- and I am always in jeans, a vintage ripped t-shirt, and boots. I mean, ALWAYS. Granted, I have an extremely expensive handbag and perfectly highlighted blonde hair, and I always wear winged eyeliner. My friends say that going "underdressed" like this is disrespectful and inappropriate for (corporate-type) business meetings. Are they right, or is rocking your own thing no matter what a sign of confidence? (P.S. I'd kill myself befor...

Android Rage

I'm so tired of these supposed magician multitaskers on their cellphones. The guy I'm dating and some of my friends don't seem to get how disrespectful it feels when they play around on their phone or text while I'm talking to them. Am I crazy to want eye contact and attention when I'm talking?

--Irritated

This smartphone multitasking thing probably goes further than anyone knows - like, I'm picturing a parishioner in the confessional and the priest in the adjoining booth on his phone, shopp...

Taking Care Of Buzzness

I've been in recovery from drugs for six years, and I had to set a boundary with an old friend who's abusing drugs again and lying to me and using me. I kept trying to help him, but all the lying and scamming was just too much. I finally blocked him on my phone -- as I knew I had to. So why do I feel so bad about it?

--Been There

A guy will insist he's clean, tell you he's finally just "high on life"-- a state which...hmmm...doesn't usually involve shouting matches with the curtains.

Your fe...

The Litter Mermaid

I'm not the best housekeeper or the tidiest person. I've got papers everywhere, dishes in the sink, clothes on the floor, and an unmade bed. I have a very long-haired cat who leaves fur everywhere. I joke to men that "fighting entropy is a losing battle," but I'm starting to wonder whether my messy place is keeping me single. Obviously, if somebody's coming over, I'll make an attempt to clean up. But it occurred to me that maybe men see my place and think either I'm lax in my own personal hyg...

Crone's Disease

I'm a straight single woman nearing 50. My best friends are a lesbian couple. I'm going to get some nonsurgical skin tightening on my face, and they got very judgmental about it: "We think you're beautiful as you are." Next, it was "What if it goes wrong?" and "Will you keep getting procedures till you don't look like you?" I ended up crying and then getting really angry. First of all, it's my face. Secondly, I don't think they understand the pressure on straight single women to look young an...

Worst-Chase Scenario

I'm a guy, and I've noticed that many women (at cafes, etc.) give me flirtatious looks, suggesting they're interested in me, yet they never approach me. Why don't they just come over and say hi and get my number and call me or message me?

--Annoyed

It isn't hard to get a woman to chase you. Just grab her purse and take off down the street.

However, as a dude, if you're looking for dates or a relationship, you should plan on doing the chasing rather than the waiting. "Males chase/females choo...

Eye Anxiety

I've been with my boyfriend for four years. I thought I was super happy, but I recently got a crush on a co-worker. Now I'm worried that maybe I'm not totally satisfied in my relationship. If I were truly in love with my boyfriend, why would I be crushing on somebody else? Does this make me more vulnerable to cheating? Should we go into therapy?

--So Confused

You're in a relationship, not a coma.

That said, your worries are understandable. There's been a belief, even amongst some researchers,...