Amy Alkon's Blog, page 33

Whim Chill Factor

A guy I know through mutual friends finally asked for my number, claiming he'd like to see more of me. I was elated, but he never called. After a month, I gave up hope, feeling puzzled and, honestly, kind of hurt. Why do men get your number if they're never going to call or text?

--Uncontacted

Men can experience a sort of temporary amnesia in the moment, leading them to ask you for your number. Shortly afterward, their memory returns: "Oh, wait -- I have a girlfriend." Or "My herpes is raging...

Full Meddle Jackie

I have a very good friend -- a friend who shows up for me in big ways when the chips are down. However, she is very judgmental and offers her opinion on everything from how I should groom my cat to why I shouldn't get Botox. I wouldn't presume to tell her how to cut her hair or treat her dogs -- unless she asked. Her comments often hurt my feelings. How do I gently get her to stop acting like my vet, my beautician, etc.?

--Annoyed

It must be tempting to ask her: "Hey, wanna come over on Thur...

Waity Issues

I'm a married gay woman. Whenever I ask my wife to discuss some problem in our relationship, she'll say, "Can we talk about this tomorrow" (or "later")? Of course, there's never a "tomorrow." I end up feeling resentful, and this makes even a minor issue turn into a big deal. Help.

--Postponed

Putting things off is a relief in the moment but usually costs you big-time in the long run -- like when you procrastinate in going to the dermatologist until the mole on your neck has a girlfriend and a...

Crime Of Compassion

I'm a 33-year-old guy on the dating scene, looking for a relationship. I'm pretty picky, so most of my dating isn't going past the three-week mark. My problem is that it seems mean to call a woman and tell her why I'm not interested, but it also seems mean to just ghost -- disappear on her without telling her why. What's a good and kind way to end things?

--Nice Dude

It's disappointing when a prospective relationship isn't working, but it's much worse when it just disappears. Can you imagine...

Haunting Accident

What do dreams mean? I was dumped 10 months ago. I couldn't stop thinking about him. Now I barely do, but last night, I dreamed I broke in to his apartment, found him in bed with this gorgeous girl, and punched her in the face. Does this mean I'm not over him?

--Wanna Start Dating

Follow your dreams -- and end up doing five to 10 in the pen for home invasion and assault!

The widely believed myth that dreams are filled with meaningful symbolism is an unfortunate form of what I call Freud refl...

Dr. Strangerlove

I'm a 33-year-old woman. Though I don't want a boyfriend right now, I have a strong sex drive and don't want to go without sex. I've tried the hookup apps, but besides finding sleeping with strangers sexually unsatisfying, I'm always a little surprised at how emotionally empty I end up feeling. (It's not like I want any of these guys to be a boyfriend.)

--Hungry It's possible for a woman to have an orgasm from hookup sex -- just as it's possible to spot a white rhino grazing on a roadway medi...

Champagne And Suffering

I'm a 30-year-old gay guy. I was laid off, and I'm freelancing crazy hours to try to pay my rent and bills. My best friend's birthday was this past weekend, and I did what I could timewise (and put a modest gift on my credit card), but he's totally bent out of shape because he feels like I neglected him. He equates the attention you pay to his birthday with how much you care, which is so ridiculous.

--Feeling Bad

What kind of friend are you that you couldn't, say, sell a kidney on the black...

Mixed Emojis

I'm dating again now and annoyed by how texting's become the way you get to know somebody you might want to go out with. I type all day at work. I'll talk on the phone, but the last thing I want to do when I'm off is type text messages.

--Contrary Millennial Woman

Back in, say, 539 B.C. in Sumer, if you wanted to tell somebody you were "laughing out loud," you'd have to dispatch your eunuch across town with the message on a cuneiform tablet. Okay, so the "tablets" are way more tricked out th...

Kinking Outside The Box

My wife and I have our differences in bed. Let's say that I like A and she likes B. So we alternate -- A one time and B the next -- meaning we're each only satisfied half the time. Is this a smart compromise?

--Curious

Relationships do take compromise -- especially when one of you's in the mood for foreplay with whipped cream and strawberries and then a glance at the calendar reveals: "Oh, crap. It's Medieval Torture Device Monday."

As for whether your sex compromise is "smart," it depends....

Totally Flawsome

I'm a single 33-year-old woman. Suddenly, after years of outdoor sports, I have a dime-sized dark brown sunspot on my face. It's not cancerous, and I'm having it lasered off. This will take a while. Though I cover it with makeup, I'm terribly self-conscious about it, and I don't want to date till it's removed. I know how visual men are, and I don't want a man to find out I have this thing and see me as unattractive. My friends say I'm being ridiculous.

--Insecure

It's a spot on your face that...