Amy Alkon's Blog, page 34

Burden Of "Poof!"

Out of the blue, my boyfriend of two years broke up with me. Not long afterward, I saw pix on Facebook of him with some other girl. It's been two months since our breakup, and he wants to reconcile, so whatever he got into obviously tanked. We were planning on moving in together in the spring. (Maybe he got cold feet?) I still love him, but I'm worried. Did he just break up with me to be with this girl? How do I know this won't happen again?

--Fighting Uncertainty

We crave certainty, and we g...

Guess Pains

I got dumped four months ago, and I'm still not sure what happened. All of my boyfriend's explanations seemed vague, and the breakup really came out of nowhere. I don't want to contact him. How do I sort this out so I can move on?

--Desperately Seeking Closure

Science has yet to figure out a number of life's mysteries -- questions like: "What came before the big bang?" "Why is there more matter than antimatter?" and "If we're such an advanced civilization, what's with short-sleeved leather ja...

Mommy Dreariest

I'm a woman in my early 40s, married for 12 years. I gave up my career as a dancer to be a mom. I can afford not to work, as my husband makes great money. However, my kids are now 12 and 13 and don't need me like they did when they were little. I feel as if I don't have any purpose in my life, and it's getting me down. I can't go back to dancing now. What do I do?

--At Loose Ends

Sure, your kids still need you, but mainly to drive them places and then (ideally) be kidnapped by Mexican drug ca...

Sleep Actually

My husband and I have been married for eight years. We have a 5-year-old son, and we both work full time. We used to have these amazing crazy sex marathons, but now we're too tired from our jobs and parenthood. We have sex about once a month, if that. I'm worried that this isn't healthy for our marriage.

--Sex Famine

The good news: You two are still like animals in bed. The bad news: They're the sort on the road that have been flattened by speeding cars.

This is something to try to change, b...

Head Over Heals

My boyfriend broke up with me last month. We still talk and text almost every day. We're still connected on social media. We've even had dinner twice. I feel better that he's still in my life, even just as a friend, though we don't work as a couple. Is this healthy, or am I prolonging some sort of grief I'm going to have to feel down the road?

--Clinging

Your approach to a breakup is like having your dog die and then, instead of burying it, having it taxidermied and taking it out for "walks"...

Venus Envy

I'm a 30-something woman, tall and thin, whom friends describe as beautiful. Perhaps for this reason, I'm often confronted with rude social assaults by people who assume things are handed to me on a silver platter. I am financially independent and have a full-time job and own a home and car. I dress and act modestly. Yet, I'm repeatedly insulted by people who suggest I got my job and other benefits because of my looks. What can I do to avoid or deflect these demeaning insinuations?

--Not Just...

Alice In Wanderland

I follow you on Twitter, and I was disgusted to see your tweet about marriage, "No, humans aren't naturally monogamous -- which is why people say relationships 'take work,' while you never hear anybody talking about what a coal mine an affair can be." If a person finds fidelity so challenging, they should stay single.

--Ethical Married Person

Reality has this bad habit of being kind of a bummer. So, sure, that person you married all those years ago still has the capacity to surprise you with...

You Flooze, You Lose

I'm a married lesbian in my 50s. I blew up my happy marriage by having an affair with somebody I didn't love and wasn't even that attracted to. Now my wife, whom I love very much, is divorcing me. Why did I cheat on her? I don't understand my own behavior.

--Lost

There are those special people you meet who end up changing your life -- though ideally not from happily married person to lonely middle-aged divorcee living in a mildewy studio.

There's a widespread assumption that "a happy marria...

Good Mourning!

How long does it take to get over someone? One friend said it takes half as long as you were together, and another said it takes twice that time.

--Recently Dumped

Sometimes it takes a while to let go, but sometimes you're so ready that you'd chase the person off your porch with a shotgun (if you had a porch or a shotgun and weren't afraid of doing time on a weapons charge).

Your friends, with their precise breakup timetables, are confusing emotional recovery with mass transit. The reality...

Nose To The Groin Stone

I'm a woman, and I recently made a new professional connection -- a man who's excited about my work. We're planning on doing a big important project together. I'm worried that he's interested in me romantically (based on a few things he's said). I'm not interested in him in that way. What's the right thing to say to get that across?

--All Business

It's tempting to get everything out in the open right away: "I've run the numbers on your chances of having sex with me, and they're pretty close t...