Amy Alkon's Blog, page 37

Loathe Story

My boyfriend who dumped me says he wants to be friends (talk to me, see me sometimes), but I'm not ready for that because I'm still in love with him. A female co-worker said that if he can be friends, he was never in love with me to begin with -- that if he'd really loved me, he'd hate me now. Is this true?

--Feeling Worse

According to your office Socrates, "How do I love thee? Let me count the ways" should be answered with "I slashed your tires. I sprinkled a strong laxative in your latte. A...

Pi In The Face

Not to brag, but I'm a very intelligent woman with probably too many degrees. I'm always thrilled when a guy says he's seeking "a smart woman." However, a guy who initially said that just stopped dating me because he finds my intelligence "emasculating." Do all men feel this way? Am I supposed to dumb it down to find a partner?

--Smarts

Men don't mind being corrected by a woman if it's "Oooh, yes...a little more to the right" -- not "I think you meant 'whom,' but hey, no judgments."

The real...

The Gym Reaper

This annoying guy at my gym keeps asking me out. I'm always polite, saying, "Would love to, but sorry, I'm really busy." And then I move to another part of the gym. I'd go at a different time, but unfortunately, he's always there in the hours I can work out. What should I say so he gets the hint and leaves me alone?

--Go Away Already!

There are people -- some of them men -- who won't take no for an answer. But you haven't tried no -- or any of the variations: "Nuh-uh," "Are you crazy?" or "T...

Ladies Who Hunch

This hot guy I met online lied about his height. We got together, and I'm like 3 inches taller than he is. That doesn't bother me, but I'm worried that his height is a source of insecurity for him (since he lied about it on his profile).

--Skyscraper

You can't always find your one and only, but you can sometimes find your three-quarters and only.

It isn't a surprise that this guy, in calculating his height, added in the vintage ottoman he was standing on when he took the photo. While there ar...

The Sum Of His Beers

I've been with my boyfriend for nine months. We are both in our late 20s and go out drinking a lot with our friends. I've noticed that when he's drunk, he'll be super affectionate and say really gushy things about me, our getting married, etc. Are his true feelings coming out, or is he just talking lovey-dovey because of the booze?

--Bridal Hopes

You've got to be wondering what it would take for you two to live happily ever after...cirrhosis?

Many people insist that their personality changes...

Yawn Juan

My friend and I are debating why it is that men don't want you when you want them yet they're all gung-ho when you aren't interested. She believes that we just want what we can't have. Could it be that simple?

--Pondering

In looking for love, a number of people confuse "the chase" with something closer to criminal stalking. In their defense, these ideas don't come out of nowhere. For example, consider how creepy the Cupid dude with the little bow and arrow actually is. Basically, he's the chu...

The Things We Do Fur Love

My sweet boyfriend always leaves his nose hair and beard trimmings in the sink. He claims he forgets to wipe up afterward and asks, "Is it that big of a deal?" Am I being petty, or is this disrespectful when you share a space with somebody?

--Annoyed

Surely, your boyfriend eventually notices dropped bits of beard hair -- about when the sink starts panting and pawing in response to "Here, boy!"

However, chances are he's leaving you a furry sink not out of disrespect but because he goes into a...

Sofa's Choice

My husband has a great body, but since we got married two years ago, he has completely stopped working out. One reason I was initially so attracted to him was that he was in great shape. I go to Pilates four times a week. How do I motivate him to go back to the gym?

--Toned

If your husband's starting to see definition in his legs, it shouldn't be from rolling over and falling asleep on the remote.

As for how to get him back into workout mode, consider what psychologists Edward Deci and Richa...

Getting A Friend To Exorcise

I'm trying to get over a breakup, and one of my best friends, in an attempt to help me move on, keeps saying, "He doesn't want you!" I get that (and I do need to move on), but hearing that makes me feel unlovable and even more depressed. I am seeing what went wrong; I should have believed him when he told me at the very beginning that he was "terrified of relationships." I'm sure it's frustrating for her to see me in pain, but I'm just not ready to get back out there. What do I tell her so sh...

Knight Of The Living Dead

When my husband comes home from a stressful day at work, he likes to play shoot-'em-up games on his phone. He says it relaxes him. I'd like to connect and talk before he goes into his mental man cave. Also, when he's into a game, it's annoying even to ask what he wants for dinner. Your advice?

--Gaming Widow

A stressed-out woman wants to talk about her feelings; a stressed-out man wants to gun down 87 slobbering zombies on his phone in hopes that his feelings get bored with him and go away.

...