Page Turner's Blog, page 98

Agency and Autonomy (or Lack Thereof) in Partnering and Parenting

Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you,

And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,

For they have their own thoughts.  » Read more

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Lady Friends, Gentleman Callers, and Frequent Visitors: What To Call a Metamour When It’s Not a Capital-R Relationship

metamour (noun) – a partner’s other partner

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“When are you meeting up with your lady friend?” I ask my partner Justin.

Lady friend. I don’t know what else to call her. Since I don’t yet know her first name. That’ll come later. All I know at this point is that they both swiped the same way on Tinder and are planning to meet up to…  » Read more

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“Dear Mother, Please Send Rubles”

Picture it. Quebec City 1999.

We’ve been to six bars in one night. And we’ve made the most of each. It’s the first time I’ve ever had a Long Island Iced Tea. I’ve lost count of how many Jane’s bought me, but they’re hitting me pretty hard.

I’ve been staring at Jane a little bit too long for weeks as she’s getting dressed and undressed at the dorm.  » Read more

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Push Me, Pull Me — Or Then Again, Don’t

I think a lot about an old relationship I had in high school. Not because I miss it. Nothing like that. In fact, a lot of the time dating Greg was hell.

But it was, oddly, a hell I couldn’t walk away from.

Part of it I could chalk up to inexperience.  » Read more

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What Is Parentification?

It’s funny. When I talk to other adults who were as abused as children, many of us have encountered a similar phenomenon.

People who find out about our past telling us, “I never would have guessed. You seem so put together. So mature. Like a person with your shit together.”

When someone would say something like that to me,  » Read more

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Don’t Forget That Writing Is Ultimately a Form of Communication

Every writer has a different story of how they got into it. When they started. Why.

My own story starts in the third grade. Because for a few years prior to that point, sure, I could read and write. But I mostly did so in order to function in the world around me,  » Read more

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I’m Never Blindsided by Change Except in Dreams, But It Feels Real

The other night I had another one of those dreams.

Ones where I’ve been wrong about someone close to me.

Where they surprise me by pulling a 180 on their previous values system. Start saying or doing the exact opposite of what they’ve been saying for years. Out of the blue.  » Read more

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You’re Only as Sick As Your Secrets

My feelings on 12-step programs are complicated. While some people have gained a ton of personal benefit from them, my own experiences in 12-step programs were considerably more checkered and regrettable. That, coupled with having read extensive research that counters a lot of the core claims of those programs, has generally soured me on them.  » Read more

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Ask Page: Is Polyamory Simply a Side Effect of Trauma?

Hi Page,

I was confronted regarding my polyamory. I was told that it’s nothing more than lack of healthy coping mechanisms involving a deeply abusive childhood & total lack of boundaries. Being told that polyamory is a trauma side effect hurts. Trying to process. Thoughts?

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I’m sorry to hear that someone said that to you.  » Read more

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It’s Not Easy to Balance Attachment and Autonomy

It’s a balance I’m yet to master, how to be attached just the right amount and in the just the right ways.

I’m used to being all alone on my own frequency. Used to taking years to wind up to a point where I feel brave enough to speak my truth, only to have it land on other people as absolute nonsense.  » Read more

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