Page Turner's Blog, page 156

PQ 10.7 — Are my rules equally binding on everyone they affect, or do they create a double standard?

PQ 10.7 — Are my rules equally binding on everyone they affect, or do they create a double standard?

*

While everyone is going to have different needs, when creating a relationship agreement, it’s important not to place restrictions on others that you wouldn’t want placed on yourself.  » Read more

The post PQ 10.7 — Are my rules equally binding on everyone they affect, or do they create a double standard? appeared first on Poly.Land.

I Opened This Door. What If I Lose My Partner?

“It’s been a rough time,” he says. “I’m adjusting the best I can, but…” He looks away.

I wait for him to finish.

“There’s a lot to adjust to,” he says. “She’s a different person with this much NRE. And I can’t help but notice how much faster they fell in love than we did.  » Read more

The post I Opened This Door. What If I Lose My Partner? appeared first on Poly.Land.

Proximity, Social Pressure, and Same Sex Erasure in Polyamorous Relationships

Today’s guest post is from LH, a poly, kinky, queer lady, who identifies as a lesbian. She feels lucky to have found a primary partner who is sweet and loving and makes her feel valued, and a secondary partner whose steady support is a foundation for her. She has been challenged and grown a lot safely,  » Read more

The post Proximity, Social Pressure, and Same Sex Erasure in Polyamorous Relationships appeared first on Poly.Land.

I Hate That My Face Is So Emotionally Reactive

“There are certain children who are told they are too sensitive, and there are certain adults who believe sensitivity is a problem that can be fixed in the way that crooked teeth can be fixed and made straight. And when these two come together you get a fairytale, a kind of story with hopelessness in it.  » Read more

The post I Hate That My Face Is So Emotionally Reactive appeared first on Poly.Land.

Poly Shame Spiral: Swimming Through Water and Yelling at Ourselves for Getting Wet

“Ugh, what is wrong with me? I’m so freaking bad at poly,” she says.

“Why do you say that?” I say.

“I’m the poly vet here. I should know what I’m doing,” she says.

“And you don’t?”

“I don’t. I feel like I did way back in the beginning,  » Read more

The post Poly Shame Spiral: Swimming Through Water and Yelling at Ourselves for Getting Wet appeared first on Poly.Land.

Abused Kids Get to Look Like Their Bullies

“God hath given you one face, and you make yourself another.”

-William Shakespeare, Hamlet

*

On countless mornings, I glimpse my reflection in the mirror and want to punch myself in the face.

Because I look like her at certain angles.

Her chin,  » Read more

The post Abused Kids Get to Look Like Their Bullies appeared first on Poly.Land.

PQ 10.6 — Do I feel like I need rules to feel safe? If so, will the rules actually keep me safe?

PQ 10.6 — Do I feel like I need rules to feel safe? If so, will the rules actually keep me safe?

*

Rules are funny.

I’ve written a few times about how disenchanted I am with polyamorous agreements with too many rules (e.g., in Rules Schmules,  » Read more

The post PQ 10.6 — Do I feel like I need rules to feel safe? If so, will the rules actually keep me safe? appeared first on Poly.Land.

PQ 10.5 — What happens if the agreement doesn’t work for my partners, or my partners’ partners?

PQ 10.5 — What happens if the agreement doesn’t work for my partners, or my partners’ partners?

“If Your Calendar Shows That You’re Available, I Expect You to Be Here”

“I looked at your calendar. There wasn’t anything on it,” Michelle said.

“Ah,” I said, not sure where she was going.  » Read more

The post PQ 10.5 — What happens if the agreement doesn’t work for my partners, or my partners’ partners? appeared first on Poly.Land.

Lies of Omission: Choosing the Wrong Things to Share

“I get really uncomfortable when I’m not telling somebody something,” CC says. “It’s a lie. A lie of omission.”

And it’s at that moment I realize that I’m a liar. That we all are.

Because we think in clusters and long strands of ideas. But we speak in single bits. Discrete nodes.  » Read more

The post Lies of Omission: Choosing the Wrong Things to Share appeared first on Poly.Land.

Simply Holding Up a Mirror: An Interview with Kevin Patterson of Poly Role Models

Relationships are custom jobs — in general, and especially so when it comes to polyamory. When you step away from the notion that there’s only one “right” way to do relationships, there’s a dizzying range of possibilities.

And Poly Role Models does a great job mapping out that territory, one interview,  » Read more

The post Simply Holding Up a Mirror: An Interview with Kevin Patterson of Poly Role Models appeared first on Poly.Land.