Page Turner's Blog, page 150

A Geek’s Guide to Unicorn Ranching

It started over a year ago with a letter from a reader:

Do you have any advice for couples who are about to open up their relationships? 

My partner and I are new to poly. We don’t know where to begin. We’d like to find someone to date together.  » Read more

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The Hardest Part of Opening an Existing Relationship: You Can’t Reroll Your Partner’s Stats (or Your Own)

The most difficult part of opening up a relationship is that you’re changing its terms. However, it isn’t just the adjustment stress that can accompany all change (although that can be tough). It’s also that most of the time you didn’t go into the relationship expecting it to be open. And suddenly things that never mattered,  » Read more

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When You’re Tired of Being the Only Person Who Knows There’s a Problem in Your Relationship

“I don’t know why you’re making such a big deal out of this,” he says.

“I really want to work on fixing the problem,” I say.

“What problem?” he says. “You’re the only one who thinks it’s a problem.”

And as I stand there, aching from what he’s just said,  » Read more

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PQ 12.9 — Do I understand the needs my partner is seeking to meet by requesting veto, and have I considered alternative ways of meeting those needs?

PQ 12.9 — Do I understand the needs my partner is seeking to meet by requesting veto, and have I considered alternative ways of meeting those needs?

*

Where I grew up at least, the cars they use for driver’s ed have a second set of controls on the passenger’s side.  » Read more

The post PQ 12.9 — Do I understand the needs my partner is seeking to meet by requesting veto, and have I considered alternative ways of meeting those needs? appeared first on Poly.Land.

PQ 12.8 — Can I think of a way to make a new partner feel safe in a relationship with me under these conditions?

PQ 12.8 — Can I think of a way to make a new partner feel safe in a relationship with me under these conditions?

*

While the Chapter 12 questions have all been about veto, I really like this question in a broader sense, as a kind of self-check:

Is the way I’m treating my partner making them feel safe in the relationship?  » Read more

The post PQ 12.8 — Can I think of a way to make a new partner feel safe in a relationship with me under these conditions? appeared first on Poly.Land.

A Thanksmas Miracle: “You Can Bring Someone With You”

“You Can Bring Someone With You”

“Just so you know,” Skyspook’s mother says. “If you ever wanted to bring anybody else with you to Thanksmas, you’re completely welcome to. Someone either or both of you are dating.”

Just when I think I can’t love that woman any more.

We’re sitting at her kitchen table.  » Read more

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I’ve Always Loved Movies About Married Couples Who Actually Like Each Other

It’s a very low-key Sunday afternoon. I’m a little under the weather, recovering from a stressful work week and nursing a slight hangover. Skyspook has been out late the night before at a friend’s bachelor party.

We’re hanging out on the couch watching movies from the 80s and 90s. Taking turns making suggestions.  » Read more

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The Recordkeeper on Gaslighting Island

I keep meticulous records. It’s something I normally do very quietly and subtly. Most people don’t notice. Really, only if you’re living with me and are paying attention is it evident.

I’m told it’s a bit unnerving, like a therapist who’s writing with a fury while you spill your deepest and darkest secrets in session.  » Read more

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How to Fail at Communication Before You Say a Single Word

Hi Page, 

I love the blog! Been reading it for a while. I’ve been learning more about polyamory the last few years, and I’ve realised that I’m probably polyamorous. Trouble is I’m in a relationship with a woman who is very monogamous. I would love to be able to explore all the love I feel,  » Read more

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Ask Page: I Thought Confidence Was Supposed To Be Attractive, Why Is It Turning Me Off?

My partner recently lost a lot of weight. He’s been trying for years, and I’m genuinely happy for him. He looks great. Problem is that he KNOWS it. I’m all for self-confidence, but he’s downright cocky. Rude. It’s gotten to the point that friends of ours have started to comment on how much he’s changed…  » Read more

The post Ask Page: I Thought Confidence Was Supposed To Be Attractive, Why Is It Turning Me Off? appeared first on Poly.Land.