Clayton Lessor's Blog, page 9
August 8, 2017
The Quest Project-For Dad!
Dad, Welcome to The Quest Project®
My recent inspiration for writing book #2 came from a very welcome change I am seeing in my practice, let me share more.
Change Is Very Good
Over the last 20 years, I have seen over 2000 boys go through The Quest Project®. What’s changed? In the past, the majority of the young men that came in were accompanied by mom. Mom would attend the parent sessions, mom would make sure her son got to group on time and made sure he was picked up on time! I’m pleased to see a shift recently, more often Dad is participating! Dad is bringing his son in and participating in the work.
Fathers are beginning to understand how important they are to their sons. They are realizing how important they are in their son’s development. They want to make changes and be better fathers. They are looking for what’s missing and eager to be a healthy role model for their son. It has not only inspired my second book, it has inspired another very exciting path for The Quest Project®.
The Quest Project® Hybrid
“The Quest Project for Dad!” What better way for a father to experience, understand and connect with their son than getting it first hand! Learning and working on things like:
safe group with facilitator/mentor
goal setting and block
tools
wound work
anger management
conflict resolution
gift
mission=purpose
relationship
community involvement
It’s my belief that the issue of Absent Fathers is systemic; I don’t believe that in most cases a Dad chooses to be absent. What I do know is that since the Industrial Revolution men have left the farm to work in offices and factories. As each generation of boys since that time were born, they got less and less time with their dad. They lost that important mentor and example of “how to” become a man. Fast forward to today and it is my belief Dad needs to be taught and experience a rite of passage of his own, it’s what his father didn’t teach him.
Look Out World!
Now there is “immediate help and hope” for fathers and their sons! I’m excited about the potential of bringing families closer. My mission: “to create healthy lifestyles by teaching, facilitating, writing and example” means that I will continue to research, discover and publish examples of what I learn in my first-hand experience and intensive feedback from participants. Ultimately, I can pass on to you how to be a better mother, father, son, daughter etc.
Let me hear from some of you out there that know a Dad who never grew up?
Author information
Clayton LessorClayton Lessor, PhD in education and counseling, is a Licensed Professional Counselor in private practice. He is author of “Saving Our Sons: A Parent's Guide to Preparing Boys for Success." Clay has seen over 2000 boys since 2000 and facilitated over 300 Quest Project groups. Boys attend a 10-week "boys to men program" where they and their parents will learn the tools needed to get through these turbulent teen years.
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August 1, 2017
Is Your Son Being Bullied? 10 Signs To Watch For
Bullied: Online & Offline
Today we not only deal with the “bully on the playground,” we must watch out for the ones that lurk on social media! Bullies can have a devastating effect on your child.
What Parent’s Can Do
As a parent, the best way to make sure your child doesn’t become a victim of bullying is to build self-confidence with positive reinforcement. That’s not always an easy task and it requires your diligence in using positive messages. Bullies have a way of quickly honing in on a “weaker person.”
If your child is sensitive or is dealing with some difficult issues in their life; bullies seek out this type of victim. Sadly I see far too many boys in my practice who are dealing with a bully.
Signs to Watch For
torn clothes
unexplainable injuries
lost money or electronics
not wanting to go to school
headaches, stomach aches or faking illness
difficulty sleeping and/or nightmares
declining grades
decreased self-esteem
acting out on younger siblings
when asked “what’s the matter?” The response is “I don’t know.”
One Of Many
In my book “Saving Our Sons: A Parent’s Guide to Preparing Boys for Success” there is a case study about “Andrew.” Andrew was so beaten down by a group of bullies at school that he contemplated suicide. Neither he nor his parents could understand how this happened to him. He was an ordinary young boy with a big loveable personality. His mom tried everything she could to put a stop to the bullying. The school wasn’t willing to help; they didn’t see it as an issue. It went on for years.
By the time I saw Andrew he had lost all self-confidence and had fallen into a deep depression. He began experiencing OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) symptoms. We worked very hard for months establishing his self-worth and confidence. I introduced him to The Quest Project® where he would attend group meetings with other teenage boys who were just like him. In time, he began to understand that he matters, that he is strong and healthy and smart.
Meet The Bully
The “bully,” I explained to Andrew, is the one with issues. A bully typically is or has been a victim themselves first. Bullies have a need to relieve their pain and in doing so, they project onto someone else. This gives them a false sense of “being okay.” This does not make their actions acceptable, but it does put some perspective on the personality.
Hope Won’t Work
If your son is being bullied, first get counseling. Enroll him in self-defense classes. This is never a waste of time as self-defense education provides confidence and information that can be used throughout life.
Unfortunately hoping a bully will stop doesn’t work. We can learn how to avoid giving them gratification by not responding. If you see someone being bullied, do something!
Do you have an experience with bullying you’d like to share? Please post it in the comments or on my Facebook page.
Author information
Clayton LessorClayton Lessor, PhD in education and counseling, is a Licensed Professional Counselor in private practice. He is author of “Saving Our Sons: A Parent's Guide to Preparing Boys for Success." Clay has seen over 2000 boys since 2000 and facilitated over 300 Quest Project groups. Boys attend a 10-week "boys to men program" where they and their parents will learn the tools needed to get through these turbulent teen years.
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July 25, 2017
The Adolescent Boy “Cookbook”
During an interview recently I made a comment that I’ve replayed in my head! “Wouldn’t it be great if there was a recipe to follow for every situation you’ll face with your adolescent son?”
Just Add Water
When I was in my twenties my mom gave me a cookbook “The Encyclopedia of Creative Cooking.” I have referred to that book a million times. When I needed to know what to do with beef, pork, fish or chicken all I had to do was look up the ingredients for a great meal! It had recipes for the beginner and for the advanced cook. Where am I going with this? Let’s think about it in terms of raising your son.
Basic Ingredients
For most recipes you need to have the basics on hand; there are no substitutes or replacements for these. The basic ingredients that you need to have on hand from birth to 11 years of age are these:
love
food
water
shelter
clothes
Using these basic ingredients (in every recipe) is easy enough. The measurements are exact each time, and as long as you stay consistent your end product will be good!
Time To Stock Up
At approximately 11 years old developmentally things begin to change. Time to stock up on ingredients and store more supplies. I strongly recommend you consider enlisting a “sous chef,” the recipes are about to get more advanced time-consuming! To the above basic ingredients you’ll need to add these:
time
healthy male role model/example
modern day rite of passage
patience
to be heard
natural consequences
place to process anger
What I can’t tell you is the measurement. You know your son better than anyone, the recipe will need to be modified for each situation! Here’s an example:
Recipe For “an angry 11 yr. old who is talking back and punching his sister”
the basics
4 cups healthy male role model
2 cups natural consequences
1 Tbsp. punching bag (place to process anger)
Chef Tips
Raising adolescent boys can be very challenging, especially today. It’s critical to recognize that our young boys are not getting the attention they need at home and at school. I highly recommend you stock up on the ingredients above. I also suggest you read my book “Saving Our Sons-A Parent’s Guide to Preparing Boys for Success.” It’s not a cookbook but it is a guide that provides “immediate help and hope.”
Got a recipe you’d like to share on raising a son? What ingredients do you think are key?
Author information
Clayton LessorClayton Lessor, PhD in education and counseling, is a Licensed Professional Counselor in private practice. He is author of “Saving Our Sons: A Parent's Guide to Preparing Boys for Success." Clay has seen over 2000 boys since 2000 and facilitated over 300 Quest Project groups. Boys attend a 10-week "boys to men program" where they and their parents will learn the tools needed to get through these turbulent teen years.
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July 18, 2017
Parenting Tip: Kids Feelings and How to Manage
Kids feelings: Mad, sad, glad, and afraid-I often refer to these as The Big Four! Processing feelings is healthy, I recommend it highly. Here’s why:
Kids Feelings: Mad Happens
Let’s start here, this is the feeling that scares everyone. I’m always amazed at the number of people that think being mad and/or angry is always negative. Did you know that if you don’t allow yourself or your child to feel this feeling it can lead to depression? It’s how you handle or behave while being angry that is important.
Getting angry and saying hurtful things or hitting a wall are not healthy ways to release anger. Some healthy ways to redirect your anger include taking a walk, punching a punching bag or simply taking the time to cool down! It’s not the “mad feeling” that’s bad – it’s the behavior. That’s why anger management programs exist!
Kids Feelings: Sadness is Part of Life
Maybe a loved one died recently, or there’s been a divorce. There are many reasons to feel sad. I find too many times that we don’t want to admit we’re “sad.” Being sad and sadness are also very healthy feelings. For a child, it helps them to develop empathy which shouldn’t be shut down by telling them “there’s no reason to be sad,” or the don’t be message, “don’t be sad, everything is okay.” Sometimes everything is not okay and it’s okay to be sad.
Remember: Anger or sadness is a by-product of not getting what you want. Honor the feeling.
Kids Feelings: I’m Afraid
Feeling “afraid” is what keeps us from walking into traffic, or touching a hot stove. Afraid when there’s a divorce because life will change. Being afraid is not a weakness; being afraid in certain situations is a good thing. Encourage your child to speak their truth about their fears with you, it’s being humble and that can bring you closer. One caution – you want to do this safely, one-on-one and keep it confidential.
Kids Feelings: Oh So Happy
“Glad” it’s the easy one! It’s a good feeling and for the most part, an emotion that isn’t criticized or questioned. Typically it’s associated with something positive and being happy. Good grades on a report card. Taking a vacation to the beach!
It’s possible a child is “glad” his parents are getting a divorce because they yelled and screamed at each other all the time. Honor the feeling.
Self-actualization – setting a goal and achieving it brings JOY a by-product of getting what you want.
Kids Feelings: The Big Four-Mad, Sad, Glad, and Afraid
There are times when you or your child may feel all of these feelings at the same time. Let me give you a recent example from a troubled young man I’m working with in The Quest Project®.
“I’ve started smoking pot. I’m glad because it numbs me out and I like the way it makes me feel. I feel afraid when I think about my mom and dad finding out about it. I’m mad at them for not spending any time with me, and sad things have gotten so out of hand.”
Do you know what I say about that? Good – you have a right to feel mad, sad, glad, and afraid – and there’s nothing wrong with any of those feelings. Ultimately he is validated/acknowledged by being witnessed.
Do you allow yourself, and your child to feel their feelings?
Author information
Clayton LessorClayton Lessor, PhD in education and counseling, is a Licensed Professional Counselor in private practice. He is author of “Saving Our Sons: A Parent's Guide to Preparing Boys for Success." Clay has seen over 2000 boys since 2000 and facilitated over 300 Quest Project groups. Boys attend a 10-week "boys to men program" where they and their parents will learn the tools needed to get through these turbulent teen years.
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July 11, 2017
Raising Sons: Giving Boys What They Need
I was honored when Aisha Sultan, home and family editor of the St. Louis Post-Dispatch recently wrote an article about my journey, and how it led to my life’s work.
Raising Sons: In Case You Missed It
The article is titled “Giving boys what they need when fathers are absent” and appropriately published on Fathers Day. I heard from many fathers, young and old telling me how the article touched them. Some are raising sons today. Some are hoping to heal the wounds of their past relationship with their father.
I’ve shared my story many times; however, I don’t think it could have been “summed up” any better than Aisha did in her article.
You’re Not A Victim
Change can happen and I encourage anyone reading this who may be in an abusive environment to first get out of it; if you are the abuser-STOP IT! Children should never grow up in an abusive home. Kids can have PTSD too; as I told Aisha “I don’t even remember being in school” “my childhood was suffering.” It took years of therapy to recover from my abusive father.
Raising Sons: Wounds Must Be Healed
I carried a significant amount of pain from my relationship with my father. The father wound doesn’t heal itself. “It doesn’t just go away with time.” That’s why I do what I do, to help adolescent boys identify their pain and heal their wound. Otherwise, they grow up self-medicating or running from it.
Ultimately There’s Forgiveness
I have forgiven my parents. As I told Aisha “it comes up once in a while, what comes up is just sadness, and then I move on.” I hope you’ll take the time to click the link above and read the article. I believe you will understand why my mission is “to create healthy lifestyles by teaching, facilitating, writing and example.
Finally, book #2 is well on its way! It will focus on fathers, providing insight to the importance of their role in their adolescent son’s life. Stay connected for updates as the book progresses!
After reading Aisha’s article, please share your questions and thoughts in the comments below.
You may also enjoy: A Special Message For Fathers
Author information
Clayton LessorClayton Lessor, PhD in education and counseling, is a Licensed Professional Counselor in private practice. He is author of “Saving Our Sons: A Parent's Guide to Preparing Boys for Success." Clay has seen over 2000 boys since 2000 and facilitated over 300 Quest Project groups. Boys attend a 10-week "boys to men program" where they and their parents will learn the tools needed to get through these turbulent teen years.
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July 4, 2017
The Quest Project: Before and After
I have shared much about The Quest Project®; how it works and the processes it covers with adolescent boys. I’d like to show you the results my program has on specific behaviors. I’ll also share comments at the end from participants!
The Behavioral Evaluation Scale (BES)
What is this and why do you care? If you or someone you know is interested in The Quest Project® this data is proof of the program’s success.
I have parents complete a “Behavioral Evaluation Scale” (BES-3) on their son before the program begins, and again after completion of the program. I do this in order to measure the young man’s progress in the following.
Learning Problems
Interpersonal Difficulties
Inappropriate Behavior
Unhappiness/Depression
Physical Symptoms/Fears
Both the participant and parent are surveyed to gather feedback on the program itself.
Below the results are measured in a bar graph that shows the impact, and more importantly, the positive results obtained.
The Quest Project®
Participant Feedback
One of the most rewarding feelings is reading survey feedback from The Quest Project® participants! Here’s a sample from a recent group of adolescent boys ages 11-13. I think you’ll enjoy.
“This program was very helpful”
“I thought it helped me control my angry”
“I thought it was extremely helpful-I want to help people with life’s troubles by being a psychologist”
“It was great”
“It was awesome!!!”
“Amazing, this was a good program”
“loved it!”
“It was good because it let my anger out and I taught myself how to calm down”
It’s very rewarding to do what I do, and carry out my mission: “To create healthy lifestyles by teaching, facilitating, writing and example,” with feedback like this!
How did you find this information helpful? Share on my Facebook page.
Author information
Clayton LessorClayton Lessor, PhD in education and counseling, is a Licensed Professional Counselor in private practice. He is author of “Saving Our Sons: A Parent's Guide to Preparing Boys for Success." Clay has seen over 2000 boys since 2000 and facilitated over 300 Quest Project groups. Boys attend a 10-week "boys to men program" where they and their parents will learn the tools needed to get through these turbulent teen years.
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June 27, 2017
Raising Sons? Helping Solve the Mystery
Cracking the code! Solving the mystery! How would you like to know what your adolescent boy is missing as you witness him changing from a boy to a man?
He Needs a “Modern Day Rite of Passage”
I’m often asked what is a “rite of passage?” It’s a term that most people equate with times past. We have forgotten the importance of a rite of passage with our boys. Your son knows something is missing, he doesn’t know what “it” is, so he acts out and searches for relief by doing “it” himself or alone.
What’s the “it” mystery? He needs a rite of passage which in simple terms means “a process of changing from a boy to a man.” Sounds easy enough right? It should be, but as a society, we have gotten away from and forgotten how to honor or recognize this time in an adolescent boy’s life.
If you read my blog The Quest Project-An Overview I detail the elements of a “Modern Day Rite Of Passage” which is what I’m talking about here. Chances are your son is not being led in a healthy way by his father, an elder or wise mentor through this process; he is suffering as a result.
Rite of Passage: Be His Guide
I do this work in my program The Quest Project, and it is my mission to continue. But I also challenge parents to recognize and work with their son to guide him through this process.
As a parent you have the best possibility to be the perfect mentor, so be a healthy and responsible mentor for your boy.
Have you set goals in your life? Have you considered how important it is to help your son set goals?
You’ve heard me say over and over that anger isn’t a bad thing, it’s how you release the anger that makes the difference. Teach your son how to release anger by being the example.
Conflict is a part of life; teach your son how to resolve conflict in a healthy way. I offer a free tool Download Here
We all have a gift, it’s what makes us unique and different; does your son know what gift he was born with?
What about relationships and what it means to be in a relationship and love someone? Does he know the definition of love; that love is not a feeling and feeling “in love” is infatuation.
What are your values? Does he understand the value system and how important it is in their life?
These are all very important to your son and in my experience, he’s not going to ask you how to get through these steps. If you don’t teach them he’ll look to someone else or worse “try to figure it out” on his own with peers.
Rite of Passage: Reward His Effort
Reward and recognize the progress and process with either a gift or time that acknowledges the changing from a boy to a man. Let him know you notice the change and that you’re very proud of him.
A Modern Day Rite of Passage done in the right way, led by a healthy example will help your son transition through the next phase of his life with less confusion and turbulence.
I encourage you to pick up my book “Saving Our Sons-A Parents Guide to Preparing Boys for Success” if you’d like more detailed instruction. Regardless, get started and don’t forget the importance of leading your son through a “Modern Day Healthy Rite Of Passage.”
Do you know the importance of rite of passage?
Author information
Clayton LessorClayton Lessor, PhD in education and counseling, is a Licensed Professional Counselor in private practice. He is author of “Saving Our Sons: A Parent's Guide to Preparing Boys for Success." Clay has seen over 2000 boys since 2000 and facilitated over 300 Quest Project groups. Boys attend a 10-week "boys to men program" where they and their parents will learn the tools needed to get through these turbulent teen years.
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June 20, 2017
“If-” An Inspiration
I’ve shared this poem by Rudyard Kipling, originally published in 1910 with you before. It’s not only one of my favorites; it is worthy of sharing again as I believe “If-” says it all!
“If-“
If you can keep your head when all about you;
are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
but make allowance for their doubting too:
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
or, being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated don’t give way to hating,
and yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream–and not make dreams your master:
If you can think–and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
and treat those two impostors just the same:
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
and stoop and build’em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
and risk it on one of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings,
and never breathe a word about your loss:
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
to serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
except the Will which says to them: “Hold on!”
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
or walk with Kings–nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much:
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
with sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And–which is more–you’ll be a Man, my son!
– Rudyard Kipling
My Personal Challenge
I keep this poem close and read it often. For me, it’s a reminder of basic truths.
I personally take the time to bless a young man at least once a day.
Do you? Do you tell your son he’s done something good or simply that he’s loved and you’re glad he’s your son?
Robert Bly, author of “Iron John” and “The Sibling Society” said it like this “We do our young men a disservice by not blessing them. So each of us young or old needs to bless a younger man each day.”
Be a mentor to a young man who doesn’t have a role model in his life. Or for that matter, a boy can never have too many so BE A MENTOR. Together we can make a difference.
Do you like this poem by Rudyard Kipling as much as I do? Share your comments with me.
Author information
Clayton LessorClayton Lessor, PhD in education and counseling, is a Licensed Professional Counselor in private practice. He is author of “Saving Our Sons: A Parent's Guide to Preparing Boys for Success." Clay has seen over 2000 boys since 2000 and facilitated over 300 Quest Project groups. Boys attend a 10-week "boys to men program" where they and their parents will learn the tools needed to get through these turbulent teen years.
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June 13, 2017
A Special Message For Fathers
Are you a healthy, responsible example for your adolescent son?
Message for Fathers: You Are a Gift
What a special opportunity a dad has in the life of his son. I am reminded of the important role dad plays in the healthy development of their sons every day. Sure I have research and data that can prove it, but the proof is in the thousands of boys that have gone through The Quest Project®. The proof is hearing them talk about their dad and wishing “dad had more time for him.”
How many fathers realize that a boy will enter a stage of development known as “Identity-vs-Confusion” which starts at approximately 11 years of age (that can vary)? Additionally, there is the “Zone of Proximal Development(ZPD),” basically without going into a deep academic dive, it is where he needs dad (or a healthy male mentor) to mentor him through these developmental stages. WHY: Because when you put these 2 together it becomes the most crucial stage of an adolescent boy’s life!
Don’t Let This Time Slip Away
There is a brief window of time that your son is vulnerable and most open to learning; if missed it’s a lost opportunity that is hard to recover from! If you read my blog The Best Dad you know I recommend Dad spend 3-5 hours a week one-on-one with their son, at a minimum.
I encourage, and even implore you, Dad, to get plugged in! Be present with your son, he needs you (even if he doesn’t act the way you want him to).
Being a father raising children and providing for your family is a big job and at times a heavy burden. You play a unique role and have a responsibility that must be taken seriously. In my practice, I hear many reasons why dad feels he doesn’t have time to spend with his son. Do these sound familiar?
I work long hours.
I’m divorced and feel shut out.
My son doesn’t “act like” he wants to be with me.
I simply don’t know how to or what’s expected.
I’ll just leave it up to Mom.
“You had a son who needs you – not so you would need him!”
Use this time to play golf, fish, cook, run, play video games, read, go to a movie, grab an ice cream, dinner, lunch – it doesn’t matter just do it together! Reminder: That’s every week, 3-5 hours minimum.
You Are Important
I want you to understand how important you are as a father! In your busy life remember to spend time with your family, and yes specifically your son!
I hope if you, like me, had a bad example of a father you will make it a goal to be a better dad – because you can!
Need some help? Check out my book “Saving Our Sons” A Parent’s Guide to Preparing Boys for Success, it has great tips and advice. And my new book (in the works) specifically for fathers will be out soon!
Author information
Clayton LessorClayton Lessor is a Licensed Professional Counselor and a PhD candidate in private practice. He is author of “Saving Our Sons: A Parent's Guide to Preparing Boys for Success." Clay has seen over 2000 boys since 2000 and facilitated over 300 Quest Project groups. Boys attend a 10-week "boys to men program" where they and their parents will learn the tools needed to get through these turbulent teen years.
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June 6, 2017
Parenting Tip: Is Your Son Grieving?
Is Your Son Grieving a Loss?
There are many definitions of grief, the one I like best is by The Grief Recovery Institute:
“Grief is the normal and natural emotional reaction to loss or change of any kind. Of itself, grief is neither a pathological condition nor a personality disorder. Grief is the conflicting feelings caused by the end of or change in a familiar pattern of behavior.”
The death of a loved one is only ONE of the many reasons we grieve. Is your son grieving the loss of a good friend? A break up with his girlfriend? Did the family pet die? If there has been a divorce, he may be grieving a parent.
Grief is part of life, an emotion to recognize, embrace and work through. Keep in mind we all grieve differently, some wear their emotions on their sleeve and others internally. There is not a right or wrong way to grieve. With adolescent boys, they are more likely to keep their feelings buried deep inside. That is not only unhealthy but delays the grieving process and can lead to self-medicating or avoidance.
The 5 Stages of Grief
The five stages are listed here in no particular order; that is because “the order” is different for everyone!
Denial and isolation
Anger
Bargaining (the “if only” statements)
Depression
Acceptance
You Don’t Have to Fix It
The best thing to do is allow your son to feel his feelings as they come over him. Suggest a safe place and suggest deep breaths. Let him know it’s okay to cry. Tears are the body’s way of releasing sadness, we (counselors) call them cleansing tears. Each time he allows his tears to leave his body he will be that much lighter with sadness and grief.
The good news is we don’t grieve the same piece (stage) twice. However, if delayed or interrupted grief can be “piled up” and become a major factor in other disorders.
Ultimately, if he doesn’t deal with it he only prolongs the healing process.
Don’t Rush the Process
Encourage him to take the time to feel it, let it out whether it is anger, sadness or acceptance. As difficult as this is, it’s important to honor the process.
My guess is he won’t “seem” to appreciate this part; in my experience with adolescent boys, they like to put up a brave front. In his own time and space, maybe sitting on the edge of his bed he’ll recall your words of encouragement.
Is your son struggling with grief? Do you have comments to share? Visit our Facebook page.
Author information
Clayton LessorClayton Lessor is a Licensed Professional Counselor and a PhD candidate in private practice. He is author of “Saving Our Sons: A Parent's Guide to Preparing Boys for Success." Clay has seen over 2000 boys since 2000 and facilitated over 300 Quest Project groups. Boys attend a 10-week "boys to men program" where they and their parents will learn the tools needed to get through these turbulent teen years.
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