Clayton Lessor's Blog, page 5
May 22, 2018
Core Value-Accountability
Along with honesty, empathy and integrity, I regard accountability a very important core value.
The “Yes…but” Game
Do you play the “yes…but” game at your house? Too many times parents are quick to “move on” if their child has done something wrong. “Yes, I wrecked the car mom…but it wasn’t my fault!”
There’s no accountability!
Let’s start with a simple, clear definition of accountability:
“the quality or state of being accountable; especially an obligation or willingness to accept responsibility or to account for one’s actions”
I immediately think of a T.V. commercial that has been running recently. Basically a young teenage boy has had an accident. He tells his parents that he’s already called the insurance company and how smart of them to have “accident forgiveness!” The parent immediately responds that he’s lost the car for 6 weeks! The boy says “yep, got it!” As simple and somewhat humorous as that is, it sums it up well.
Taking responsibility as this young man did is great, but holding him accountable for his actions will cause him to think hard about driving the car in a bad area the next time.
Hard Lessons
Are you dealing with bad grades, staying up too late playing video games or a general bad attitude? Maybe you’re witnessing more risky behavior with your son like experimenting with drugs, alcohol, sex and abusive behavior to name a few. The hard truth is this. He needs to be held accountable for bad choices by applying natural consequences. This is a critical time; teach him the difference between need versus want.
If he’s not held accountable and doesn’t take responsibility it will affect him the rest of his life.
Lessons are learned when we first own our accountability, and then take responsibility for our actions.
Teaching Accountability
The examples and situations are all around us every day and too many to mention here. The point is not to ignore or pass up the opportunity to help your son grow. Sometimes it’s as easy as the T.V commercial example; realistically it’s never simple and easy! Avoid the urge to “move on” when your son says, “I’m sorry….but!”
Some perceive teaching accountability and responsibility to be tough love. My perception is its nurturing love, at times that feels like tough love. It’s teaching your child how to grow into a healthy, happy mature adult. If that requires tough/nurturing love, in the end it’s worth it. The lessons he learns today will last a lifetime.
Author information
Clayton LessorClayton Lessor, PhD in education and counseling, is a Licensed Professional Counselor in private practice. He is author of “Saving Our Sons: A Parent's Guide to Preparing Boys for Success." Clay has seen over 2000 boys since 2000 and facilitated over 300 Quest Project groups. Boys attend a 10-week "boys to men program" where they and their parents will learn the tools needed to get through these turbulent teen years.
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May 15, 2018
Fantasy Son
Every parent has hopes and dreams for their child; a fantasy! You looked at your newborn boy and saw endless possibilities. He’ll be a doctor, star athlete, CEO of a corporation or President of the United States!
The problem with this kind of thinking is that there is usually—in fact, always—a difference between this fantasy son you’ve created in your mind and the actual, flesh-and-blood son you have in real life.
Simple Exercise!
To get parents thinking about the difference between their expectations for their son and the reality of who he is, I put together this exercise.
Grab a piece of paper and a pen.
First, think about the child you saw in your mind when you first heard the words, “It’s a boy.” Who did you dream that boy would be at this moment in his life?
Write it all down, you should fill at least half a page to a page. Remember that there are no wrong answers or good or bad here. All parents have dreams and expectations for their children. Now is the time to write them down and acknowledge them.
Now take that piece of paper, and everything it represents, and throw it away. Because, as you probably already know, that fantasy son does not exist.
The process of destroying this “fantasy son” may spark a reaction, like sadness or anger. That’s completely normal. It’s normal to grieve for the son you dreamed of raising and never had.
One More Time!
Here’s the second half of the exercise.
Write a new list, this time of things you know about the son you have today.
Who is this boy at this moment in his life?
What sort of things does he do?
What are his strengths?
His weaknesses?
What is his life like?
Write both the bad and the good things and again, try to fill at least a half a page. Be honest. There’s no judgment involved, so write everything you know is true.
Likely this list is significantly different from the list you made before, and if that’s the case, you did it right. The first list you made wasn’t worth much, which is why I had you throw it away. But this new list has the power to help you and your son move forward.
For example, you’ll probably see your son’s problem behavior on this new list (and if you don’t, you should go back and add it). Now you shouldn’t be surprised by that behavior, because you have acknowledged it on your list. Now you can deal with it by figuring out where you need to set boundaries and what solutions will encourage your son to respect those boundaries.
You should also see some of your son’s good qualities on that list—and if you don’t, go back until you can come up with at least three of them. This is critically important, because, by acknowledging and identifying these good qualities, you give yourself and your son a starting place for the journey ahead. When you start by looking for and focusing on the things about your son that are good and positive, you put yourself in a place of support and appreciation for the real, unique, flesh-and-blood human being your child is.
Pause and Breathe!
I designed this exercise to bring parents like you into the present moment. By letting go and grieving the child you never had, you can stop trying to force the child you do have to fit the mold of this fantasy son you invented before you had any idea what parenting was all about.
Now, you can begin to see your child for the person he truly is, learn to appreciate his unique gifts, and focus on what you can do to help him grow and thrive; which may mean also getting him help.
It’s time to stop dreaming about who you want your son to be and help him become the healthy, happy and successful man he’s supposed to be.
Author information
Clayton LessorClayton Lessor, PhD in education and counseling, is a Licensed Professional Counselor in private practice. He is author of “Saving Our Sons: A Parent's Guide to Preparing Boys for Success." Clay has seen over 2000 boys since 2000 and facilitated over 300 Quest Project groups. Boys attend a 10-week "boys to men program" where they and their parents will learn the tools needed to get through these turbulent teen years.
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May 8, 2018
A Special Message For Mom
This is dedicated to all the Mom’s out there who are raising son(s)!
Thanks To Mom
If you’re a single Mom, you don’t need me to tell you how hard it is raising kids alone. Most mom’s I talk to feel they are filling the role of dad too. You are most likely working a full-time job, taking care of the kids, cooking, cleaning and running a million errands; there aren’t enough hours in the day!
Suddenly amid everything else your son (at approximately age 11+) acts like he can’t stand to be around you. At times you feel like he hates your guts.
There’s a biological reason why this is happening.
Transition from Boy to Man
A boy transitions from boyhood to manhood around age eleven; the beginning of adolescence. He begins to feel he must break away from his mother and learn to stand on his own two feet. He starts to look for answers to this question, “Who is the man I’m going to become?” He instinctively wants (needs) dad or a healthy male role model around to help him figure it out.
For mom, here’s where the “rub” begins. Your adolescent son is terrified to leave your side but he’s being drawn to the new world of men. It’s the biggest challenge a boy faces: separating from mom. You’ve taken care of him and made darn sure he felt loved, even when he tried pushing you away. Down deep he doesn’t want to let you go, but he’s transitioning, and those innate feelings take over.
How Can You Help Him?
By now you’re thinking “why can’t I help him become a man?” You’re probably trying your best and he is pushing you away. I know this can be hard to hear but the most powerful role model in a child’s life is the same-sex parent.
If dad is active in his life that’s great, if not, a good friend or relative can help teach him the things he needs to know. This can get them started…
First and most important, he needs 3-5 hours a week minimum one- on-one with dad.
Ask him what he wants/likes to do (this gets his “buy in”).
Tell him what you want/like to do (compromise leaning toward what your son wants!).
Tell stories about lessons you’ve learned – paint the picture – be vulnerable.
DON’T talk at him (sitting face to face); instead talk while doing things “side by side.”
He Simply Needs This Time
Accept it, and take it in, you’ll soon be on the right track to get your adolescent son the help he needs. I know from years of experience; you’re not alone and it is breaking your heart. It’s not about you! Keep in mind “the bond between Mother and Son lasts a lifetime.”
Please take a minute and share your experiences about your son and the effects it’s had on him having – or not having a male role model in his life.
Author information
Clayton LessorClayton Lessor, PhD in education and counseling, is a Licensed Professional Counselor in private practice. He is author of “Saving Our Sons: A Parent's Guide to Preparing Boys for Success." Clay has seen over 2000 boys since 2000 and facilitated over 300 Quest Project groups. Boys attend a 10-week "boys to men program" where they and their parents will learn the tools needed to get through these turbulent teen years.
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May 1, 2018
Core Value Empathy
I’ve witnessed a fair number of parents lately making the decision to “shield” their son from tragedy, death, divorce; basically, anything that may cause sadness. It’s unhealthy, it prevents him from feeling/having empathy, let me explain why.
What Is Empathy?
Psychology Today says it like this:
Empathy is the experience of understanding another person’s condition from their perspective. You place yourself in their shoes and feel what they are feeling. Empathy is known to increase pro-social (helping) behaviors.
Empathy is an important feeling and when we protect kids from experiencing it; they become numb to what someone else is going through. They simply don’t care.
Real Life Lessons
For instance, when you take your son to a homeless shelter and have him volunteer to serve lunch to the less fortunate, he “sees” first-hand what it might be like if he were homeless. Mowing the lawn for the elderly lady down the street who struggles with mobility, teaches him empathy for the challenges our elderly face.
Let him see some of the bad news on t.v. instead of quickly changing the channel; kids and parents crying because there was a shooting that day. If he “sees/feels” the sadness and hurt he will never want to be in that situation. He’ll feel sad by witnessing so much sadness.
I’m not suggesting that you fill him up with sad and depressing news, but I am suggesting not to shelter him so that he has no exposure to the consequences of bad choices, and at times merely life in action.
As parents we try hard to make sure our kids have “what we never had,” or “have what they want so they’re never sad.” If you’re divorced, you work especially hard to be positive and happy so the kids aren’t sad; you feel like you’re making up for the failed marriage. I get it, I understand but it’s not the answer. Feeling feelings is the healthiest way to process them, grow and have the ability to move on. The same goes for your kids!
Empathy Is Taught
Four easy suggestions on teaching empathy:
Modeling-modeling good behavior starts with you! Your attitude, demeanor and expressions define what your son copies.
Active listening-that’s 100% of your attention! When your son is expressing himself (they rarely do!) pay attention and listen intently.
Teach-teach him how feelings and behaviors affect others; display empathy yourself.
Volunteer-there are an abundance of organizations that not only welcome but need volunteers; get involved and let him see first-hand how to help others.
The awesome side effects of teaching and experiencing empathy is this, you and your son can “fill the tank,” (your hearts) with good!
Author information
Clayton LessorClayton Lessor, PhD in education and counseling, is a Licensed Professional Counselor in private practice. He is author of “Saving Our Sons: A Parent's Guide to Preparing Boys for Success." Clay has seen over 2000 boys since 2000 and facilitated over 300 Quest Project groups. Boys attend a 10-week "boys to men program" where they and their parents will learn the tools needed to get through these turbulent teen years.
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April 24, 2018
Counseling Professional Deepens Expertise with a PhD
Honored to have my work recognized by Capella in this recent interview!
Counseling Professional Deepens Expertise with a PhD
Some people might wonder why Clayton Lessor* bothered to get a PhD.
A licensed professional counselor in St. Louis, Missouri, he already had a successful career in private practice, as well as numerous speaking and consulting gigs.
“I wanted to get a PhD because it opens doors,” Lessor explains. “In my field, master’s degrees are a dime a dozen. So a PhD can help set you apart.”
*Actual Capella graduate who agreed to appear in promotional materials for Capella.
Helping Boys Navigate a Path to Adulthood
As a counselor, Lessor works with all sorts of people, but he specializes in helping troubled boys. Many young men are currently in crisis, falling behind their female counterparts in school and life, he says. They need adventure, a sense of mission, and healthy male role models. They need help resisting violence, gang involvement, drug and alcohol abuse, and unprotected sex. Lessor, who grew up with an alcoholic father, has developed programs to help boys as they become the men they are meant to be.
Deepening Expertise with a PhD
Lessor began his PhD studies at another institution, but found himself frustrated with the process. Research into alternative options led him to Capella, and ultimately connected him with Leone Snyder, a Capella faculty member who encouraged him to take his expertise to the next level by finishing a PhD.
“It was definitely challenging, sometimes doing three classes at a time,” Lessor says. “There were nights when my wife and I would have dinner and walk the dogs and then I’d have to go back to work on course assignments. But everything about my experience at Capella was positive.”
This past fall, Lessor completed his dissertation, earning a professional studies in education doctoral degree from Capella University. The accomplishment adds to a resume that also includes two books: Saving Our Sons: A Parent’s Guide to Preparing Boys for Success, published in 2016, and a second yet-to-be-released book that’s aimed specifically at fathers. Additionally, Lessor is the creator of a 10-week “boys to men program” for boys and their families.
Lessor says his PhD work provided him an arsenal of research that he could draw on to support his claims. “I’m able to use research data more effectively,” he says. “I can pull out citations from peer-reviewed journals to give me leverage.”
Additional benefits of getting a PhD are more prestige and respect in his field, Lessor says. “The best thing I ever did was go to Capella. It was the experience of a lifetime and extremely growth provoking.”
Author information
Clayton LessorClayton Lessor, PhD in education and counseling, is a Licensed Professional Counselor in private practice. He is author of “Saving Our Sons: A Parent's Guide to Preparing Boys for Success." Clay has seen over 2000 boys since 2000 and facilitated over 300 Quest Project groups. Boys attend a 10-week "boys to men program" where they and their parents will learn the tools needed to get through these turbulent teen years.
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April 17, 2018
Rite-of-Passage & Initiation (Part Two)
Last week I explained “rite-of-passage” and the important processes an adolescent boy goes through to become an initiated man. Now let’s cover what being an initiated man means!
Initiation to Manhood
Adolescence ranges from 11-18 years of age. According to theorist, this stage of life is crucial; it gives individuals the challenge of establishing an identity, which can lead to a positive self-concept. It is not uncommon for boys to experience a surge of aggression during their adolescent years.
Many cultures offer boys challenges that enable them to find their identities and learn responsible behavior. The initiation by male elders help the boys move from their mother’s world to their father’s world.
As civilization developed (Industrial Revolution) and grew more complicated, more situations arose (long work hours, traveling for work, divorce etc.) where the father’s teaching role was taken over by others.
The fundamental problem in the continuation of a decent life everywhere in the world is the question of the socialization of young males.
Why It’s Important
There is a need to initiate all boys, because most of the development of the young male’s heroic identity takes place during the transition from adolescence to young adulthood.
Initiation rituals for teenage boys in America are basically non-existent.
Some of the primary experiences and lessons a boy goes through in an initiation are:
Respect for the feminine-mother, women, female community.
Anger management
Mentoring
Spiritual connection to the divine through personal rituals of renewal.
Religious rituals for communal protection and growth, the acceptance of fear and to power through it.
A male role and the important life work that goes with that role.
Respect for one’s own flaws and limitations.
Integration of one’s shadow side of personality into one’s life.
Communication skills
Relationship training
Knowledge of the natural world.
Values and morals
The decline in these experiences is evident in our society, resulting in behavior disorders, at-risk youth, and various emotional disorders.
What He’s Missing
Today, initiation into manhood is conducted in unconscious manner as young men unthinkingly try to initiate themselves by the way they drive, drink, rebel against their parents or society, or treat women.
Ask yourself this question. “What can we all do to shape boys into healthy men?”
A boy needs adventure and a sense of mission, competition, group involvement, and a healthy male example. It is these very same needs that people fear, and if not met, are found in unhealthy ways and examples.
I hope I’ve calmed some fears and explained what both a “rite-of-passage and initiation” mean, I also talk about it at length here on The Tom Roten Morning Show.
Finally, I hope I’ve conveyed the importance of these in an adolescent boy’s life as he navigates the turbulent teens.
Author information
Clayton LessorClayton Lessor, PhD in education and counseling, is a Licensed Professional Counselor in private practice. He is author of “Saving Our Sons: A Parent's Guide to Preparing Boys for Success." Clay has seen over 2000 boys since 2000 and facilitated over 300 Quest Project groups. Boys attend a 10-week "boys to men program" where they and their parents will learn the tools needed to get through these turbulent teen years.
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April 10, 2018
Rite-of-Passage & Initiation (Part One of Two)
There is a much-needed focus today by both broadcast and print media on males and masculinity; you can virtually find a program or article on the subject at any given moment. What I don’t see or hear is something I know very well through years of research, data and facilitation. Boys need a rite-of-passage and initiation to manhood!
In this Part 1 my intention is to ease your mind about those two terms, rite-of-passage and initiation, which are often misunderstood as cult or gang. They have in fact been around for centuries! Our society today has forgotten or chose to ignore the importance and significance these have to the healthy development of an adolescent boy.
Rite-of-Passage?
Let’s start here: Rite-of-passage is a transition, and in its simplest terms means “changing from a boy to a man.”
Once upon a time, rite-of-passage teaching was innate between father and son. Fast forward to today, amidst the crisis of absent fathers and fatherlessness we see boys acting out in various, sometimes violent ways, and finally we are beginning to take notice.
It’s about time and hopefully it’s not too late!
Typically, the agreed upon rites of passage today are sports, education, work, Boy Scouts and war. Mentors are found in coaches, drill sergeants, educators and scout leaders. Boys self-initiate by smoking and driving, money and merit badges, graduation and girlfriends. Few have something to teach, as is evident with the downward spiral of so many young men, more is needed.
Adolescence is the time traditionally chosen for initiation through a rite-of-passage. It’s a crucial time for teaching the following:
Humility-by understanding his unique gifts.
Compassion & Empathy-by healing his own wound.
Contentment-by establishing his values.
Grit, determination & diligence-by setting his goals.
Self-discipline & impulse control-by understanding and safely dealing with anger.
Courage & honesty-by having these in the “tool box.”
Dependability-by goal setting and mission.
Leading & following-by learning conflict resolution.
Proactive-by creating his purpose=mission.
Serenity- by learning forgiveness.
Patience-by understanding his anger shadow.
Kindness to self and others-by building a safe container.
There’s integrity, gratitude, adaptability, sense of curiosity & wonder, optimism & positivity, endurance, respect, and hope.
Strong Boy=Healthy Man
When a boy learns these important character building processes he has the tools he needs to transition to manhood in a healthy manner. Rite-of-passage initiates the young man by engaging his ego and helping create an identity versus identity confusion.
In next week’s blog (Part Two) I cover healthy initiation; what that means, and more importantly I’ll remove the negative perceptions!
Author information
Clayton LessorClayton Lessor, PhD in education and counseling, is a Licensed Professional Counselor in private practice. He is author of “Saving Our Sons: A Parent's Guide to Preparing Boys for Success." Clay has seen over 2000 boys since 2000 and facilitated over 300 Quest Project groups. Boys attend a 10-week "boys to men program" where they and their parents will learn the tools needed to get through these turbulent teen years.
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April 3, 2018
Dr. Clay on KTVI-Fox 2
In a recent interview on Fox 2 morning news I was asked about “Millennials and Perfectionism.” Here’s a link if you missed it.
Local therapist talks about how perfectionism affects Millennials
A new study in the Psychological Bulletin says young people are more likely than any other generation to feel the pressure to be perfect.
As a therapist who works extensively with adolescents, families and couples this is my take on perfectionism, why Millennials feel the need to be perfect and what to do if you find yourself getting out of control with an irrational desire to be perfect.
If you or someone you know struggles with pressure to be perfect, it may be time to seek professional help. Seek a licensed professional counselor (LPC) for an assessment.
Author information
Clayton LessorClayton Lessor, PhD in education and counseling, is a Licensed Professional Counselor in private practice. He is author of “Saving Our Sons: A Parent's Guide to Preparing Boys for Success." Clay has seen over 2000 boys since 2000 and facilitated over 300 Quest Project groups. Boys attend a 10-week "boys to men program" where they and their parents will learn the tools needed to get through these turbulent teen years.
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March 27, 2018
Parents How’s the “Exit Plan” Going?
Have you started your son’s exit plan?
First, clearly this is not about “kicking your son out of the house” into a scary world without preparation. It is exactly the opposite-it is responsible parenting, preparing him to be a responsible, independent and healthy adult.
Exit Plans Are Necessary
I often hear from parents that their adult son is not motivated or doesn’t have goals; my first question is “does he have an “exit plan?” I lay out specific steps to follow in my blog Parenting-3 Step Process to Developing an Exit Plan.
Allow me to share a letter from a parent struggling to get their son on the road to independence.
Dear Dr. Clay,
I have to take a moment to thank you. Thank you for meeting with my husband and I. It was a much needed consultation. I have renewed hope for our son, and every word you spoke I so needed to hear. Thank you for your frankness. My new motto is “empower, not enable”! And that’s just what we have been doing. Baby steps, but today he made his own breakfast, and is running his own errands! This may seem laughable that I’m happy about that for our 20 something year-old, but it is progress. The television interview I saw you do, reading your book, and now meeting you has only reinforced our belief that you know what you’re doing and you are changing lives! Thank you for using your own horrible life experiences to help others! We are excited about working with you to heal old wounds and to see our son come into the fullness of enjoying his life and using his talents to their fullest extent!
We’ve spoken to our son about seeing you. We’ve shared with him your philosophy and he said it totally makes sense to him (which is a big statement for him). Again, we can’t thank you enough. Keep doing what you’re doing for boys and men. It’s so needed in our world today!
“Empower-Not Enable!”
Be prepared to “nudge” and empower him, he needs that from you. Let him know you have his back and you have confidence in him. This framework will give him:
Vision + action = mission and provide a path to follow towards his exit.
There’s an epidemic of 26-year olds living at home in the basement playing video games and/or smoking pot. Parents must lay the groundwork and foundation with their son’s and develop the “exit plan” before it’s too late! You don’t have a child so that they can be dependent on you for life-do you? Raise them to be healthy, happy and independent adults; to be productive citizens and make their life better.
I know many moms out there who don’t like the thought of an exit plan, they would rather take care of their kids forever. Let’s be realistic! Also understand that is becoming a real possibility these days. It’s a disservice to your son (it deters him from becoming a whole person), I know that’s the last thing you want for your child.
Author information
Clayton LessorClayton Lessor, PhD in education and counseling, is a Licensed Professional Counselor in private practice. He is author of “Saving Our Sons: A Parent's Guide to Preparing Boys for Success." Clay has seen over 2000 boys since 2000 and facilitated over 300 Quest Project groups. Boys attend a 10-week "boys to men program" where they and their parents will learn the tools needed to get through these turbulent teen years.
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March 20, 2018
Parenting Boys? Managing Aggressive Behavior
It’s a good time to talk about “aggressiveness, assertiveness and aggressive behavior!” My recent blog on healthy masculinity was to caution getting caught up in the recent frenzy that masculinity was the “cause” for bad behavior.
Masculinity and guns don’t go hand in hand; masculinity and irrational behavior don’t either! But what do you do when your son displays aggressiveness and/or aggressive violent behavior?
Identify the Behavior
I want to focus here on aggressiveness and aggressive violent behavior.
Hopefully, you will never be in a position where you need to consider calling the police or mental health authorities to help you help your son. Unfortunately, in this age of opioid abuse, school shootings and other crises affecting our youth, the topic of “When to Get Help and How” needs to be addressed. You must learn to recognize the signs that your child has become a danger to himself or others and know what to do next.
This is a sensitive area for many parents. No one wants to call the police or the mental health authorities and report that their child is out of control. Some don’t even want to make an appointment with a therapist or talk to a school counselor. They remain in denial, ignoring red flags and justifying problem aggressive behavior until it’s too late.
Bottom line, if you have any reason to fear that your child is a danger to himself or others, safety—your child’s and that of those around him—needs to be your first and only priority. Call 911 immediately, or, if it’s feasible, put your son in the car and drive him to a hospital or police station.
The Warning Signs
Teens who are exhibiting aggressive violent behavior share many of the same warning signs, including depression and withdrawing from others. According to Psychology Today, teens who may be considered “dangerous” may also:
Have a previous history of violence, especially if the behavior is escalating.
Abuse animals or other children.
Show no empathy for others.
Have a fascination with guns, knives, or other weapons, or violent media.
Draw pictures or create other art depicting violence.
Start fires.
Share plans to hurt or kill another person.
All of these are irrational behaviors, they are not to be confused with bad behavior. Take any one of these very seriously.
Aggression Toward Parent(s)
If your son is showing aggression towards you, you must also act immediately. If there is ever a moment when a parent feels threatened by their child, it has gone too far. This is where domestic violence begins, and it is your responsibility to stop it before it does. Is he becoming a danger to himself or others? Police are specifically trained to handle these exact types of interactions. They know how to tell a boy that if he continues to threaten people, or hurts anyone, “I’m going to come with the handcuffs and put you in the back of the car, and you will sit in a cell” in a way that your son will probably take very seriously.
It may sound dramatic, but that kind of drama is exactly what a boy who is threatening violence needs to hear. Ultimately it’s worth it, to put a stop to it!
Author information
Clayton LessorClayton Lessor, PhD in education and counseling, is a Licensed Professional Counselor in private practice. He is author of “Saving Our Sons: A Parent's Guide to Preparing Boys for Success." Clay has seen over 2000 boys since 2000 and facilitated over 300 Quest Project groups. Boys attend a 10-week "boys to men program" where they and their parents will learn the tools needed to get through these turbulent teen years.
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