Helene Lerner's Blog, page 96

November 20, 2014

Powerfully Communicate Across Generations

For the first time, four generations are working together on the same teams. It is very rewarding to work on an intergenerational team, as each generation contributes to getting the job done but does so differently. My fourth grade teacher told me once, “You must have a friend from each generation.” Below is my spin on the generational archetypes for working women: 


Unsung Heroines (born before 1945). These women believe that their hard work will speak for itself. They rarely miss work and are always punctual. These women respect authority and are not self-promoting. 


Ladies from the 80s (a.k.a. the Baby Boomers, 1946-64). These women fought for a seat at the table during the era of the assembly line. She is driven and assures that her work is of the highest quality. Only after each stage is perfected can she move forward. 


Latchkey Ladies (a.k.a. Generation Xers, 1965-80s). These women are at the crossroad between the traditional Boomer workflow and the tech savvy Millennials. They work independently and often act as mediators between Boomers and Millennials, since they can speak both languages.


Willing to Fail (a.k.a. Millennials, 1990s-00s). These young women today are not afraid to fail. They are much more collaborative works in progress and look for feedback. She has no qualms about abandoning the process and starting over. She video chats, stores her documents on the cloud, and uses social media to communicate. 


Archetypes are patterns of behavior that can give insight. These archetypes may be true for you, but they also may not be true for you. One woman I know is a Boomer in age but went back to school in her later years. She behaves more like a Millennial than a Boomer based on when she was educated.


Age differences bring another nuance to the already diverse workforce. We women leaders can create cultures of intergenerational coaching and collaboration, rather than judging each other or creating a pecking order. We women leaders can work to initiate practices and policies that meet the needs of today’s cross-generational workforce. We can be grateful for the women who have come before us and pay it forward to those who will come after us.  


--Laura Newberry-Yokley, Holistic Leadership Coach


 


 

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Published on November 20, 2014 06:33

November 19, 2014

Honoring Your Intuition

Shocked in Venice 


I couldn’t believe it, it all happened so fast. How did I wind up in a dirty, oily, smelly Venice canal? This was supposed to be a dream vacation with my husband. Too shocked to realize what had happened, I soon felt the water seeping through my shoes and realized it was up to my chest. Then I felt the urgent, tight grip of three men lifting me onto the dock.


Shortly after arriving from New York a water taxi driver approached us offering a ride to our hotel. Hearing a strong “no” inside my head I asked Bob to look for another driver. He could not find one. Since we were both anxious to get settled I uncharacteristically dismissed my intuition and went with the driver. 


He did not properly secure the taxi nor firmly hold my hand. As I stepped from the platform, the boat drifted away from the dock! My forward momentum carried me into the toxic water and smashed my shin into the side of the boat.


I went to the hospital and spent the rest of our vacation in a wheel chair unable to walk. As I write this more than a month later, I am still handicapped. How sorry I am that I dismissed my intuition.



The canals of Venice


But don't worry, I have a happier story from when I did follow my intuition…


Unimaginable Goodness!


Many years ago after moving to a new neighborhood, I sat in the park with my little boy and was drawn to befriend Elin, there with her little girl. We became very close and over time extended our friendship to our husbands. Eventually they asked me to be the guardian of their children in case of a common accident. I agreed. Ultimately I went through a divorce and 10 years later Elin died after a long illness. We had lost connection during my single years, but my intuition was to call Bob and visit him and his children. He invited me for dinner and we spent a deeply touching evening, sharing about our lives during the years we had been apart.  We felt immediate joy and intimacy, beyond anything I had expected. Our connection continued to grow and one year later we were married. That was 28 years ago.


Listening to my intuitive voice led me to both Elin and Bob. I received goodness beyond my imagination – abundance I could not have logically planned, or even wished for.  It was as if the Universe had a grace-filled gift for me, wrapped with a big red bow. All I had to do was listen and show up. I am so glad I did!



Jane and Bob 


4 Ways To Recognize Your Intuition



Intuition is always connected to your heart. It feels good even if you can’t say why. Mind-chatter is connected to your ego/fearful self
Intuition guides, never judges. Mind chatter puts down, creates tension – often fear. 
Intuition is new – present, often surprising. Mind chatter is old and repetitive (You have probably heard it many times before).
Intuition comes quietly, gently – a feeling, a whisper, a hunch, an idea, a simple yes or no, moving towards or away from. 

Jane Wyker was a life and relationship coach. A mother of four, she created "Parents on the Job" seminar programs in major corporations.  


 


 

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Published on November 19, 2014 07:17

November 18, 2014

Amazing Singers Honored

Last night I attended the ASCAP Centennial Awards. My friend Garth Brooks was being honored along with Billy Joel, Stevie Wonder, Stephen Sondheim, and Joan Biaz. It was an amazing night.


Several of the honorees sang for us. Trisha Yearwood and Sting did as well. The "joint" was jumpin!


I am so proud of Garth. He had tremendous talent and is a wonderful role model.  I was inspired by the evening.



Trisha Yearwood, Helene Lerner, Garth Brooks



Bernadette Peters



Sting

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Published on November 18, 2014 06:35

November 17, 2014

How to Speak Up and Overcome Obstacles

Oppressive attitudes and behaviors show up constantly in the workplace. I want to get into how you can identify oppression and what you can do about it.  


Find a release. The worst thing you can do is internalize toxicity, negativity, or oppression. This external negativity is not you and should not define you. However, you may start to feel it in your body with tightened muscles or an upset stomach. You may also start to have shallow breathing or begin to feel depressed or anxious. How do you feel on Sunday night? Make sure you don’t take your toxic work environment home with you. Set up an exercise schedule. Drink water. Breathe. Schedule time for self-care. Make sure you have a life outside of your work.


Find allies. Oppressors often have their own set of rules that are hard to follow and change according to each subjective scenario. Make sure you find your plumb line and stick to your integrity no matter what. Find friends—you will know them from their warmth and their smiles. They are legitimate, not just when it’s convenient. They’ll stick by you through thick and thin, and they may not even work with you. Schedule lunches, coffee dates, or other networking events with them. These relationships may help you cope with said oppressors or even act as crucial sponsors that may help you move out of your current role or position. Just remember your professionalism and avoid drama and gossip at all costs. 


Speak up and take bold actions. One of the most divisive tools of the oppressor is silence. Not only do they steal away your voice but they also teach you fear and how to act small. They may ask you be on “listening mode” in meetings or they may answer your requests with silence. This goes beyond just what is said – pay close attention to meeting invitations and whether you are asked to participate on taskforces and teams. Speak up by asking to participate or address your experiences with “I feel as though…” messages. Do not reduce your presence. Stay present and steady instead.


Know this: you are very powerful. Because of your power, you will receive resistance, opposition, envy, jealousy and even anger. Do not cover or reduce your light, just because someone (even your superior) is uncomfortable.


--Laura Newberry-Yokley, Holistic Leadership Coach


 


 

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Published on November 17, 2014 06:24

November 14, 2014

Make Your Day Count

Remember to make every day count!



Video Editor: Melenie McGregor

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Published on November 14, 2014 05:56

November 13, 2014

Dress Like the Leader You Are


Whatever your dress code is at the office it is important to always dress with an element of style that reflects pride in what you do. Trends are ever changing and sometimes overwhelming. Use trends to stay on top of the most popular colors, patterns, details and beauty.


Our style identity doesn’t fluctuate much. You may have a conservative style or may be a bit of a fashionista. Maybe you’re more town & country or a little masculine, but whatever your preference is… simply infuse those new trends into your current style ID.


Keys to always looking your best: 


Fit-- sloppy and bulky isn’t appealing on anyone; use the skill of a local tailor to alter ill-fitting clothing.


Style-- how you look not only covers your body, it expresses who you are and how you feel about yourself.


Comfort-- if you don’t feel good in it, if it itches or isn’t an absolute “yes, i love it,” leave it at the store. Discomfort shows!


Colors-- wearing the perfect hues for your skin tone can add the “wow” factor to your look.


Accessories-- pairing the right accents is sometimes all a look needs to be special.


Here are 2 quick & simple style trends that work great for the workplace:


Go monochromatic 


  


Wearing monochromatic tones from head to toe alludes to the image of luxury and quality. Additionally, you appear taller and leaner.


Here are a few rules for wearing monochromatic looks:



When wearing one shade head to toe break it with texture leather, velvet, silk, denim wools, knits, etc…
When in doubt go with black. its simple and pretty foolproof… easy to dress up or down, always looks expensive and never goes out of style 

Style & comfort


   


No more are the days of always having to struggle through the day in heels and shamefully switch to you tennis shoes in the car or on your way to the train. One of the hottest trends lately has been flats. Whether penny loafers, brogues, monk straps or simple ballerinas the styles, colors and details are far and wide and stunningly elegant.


Booties, knee-highs, wedges and stilettos are still go to styles but it’s a no brainer to have this variety of footwear looming closely if not being your first choice most of the season.


Pamela Watson is an experienced stylist who currently works as the trend expert for Builders of Style, where she prepares A-list clients for red carpet events, music videos, concerts and award shows.

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Published on November 13, 2014 10:13

Give up perfectionism

There’s nothing wrong with doing a great job and producing quality work—these are a must to push your career to the next level. Perfectionism, though, robs you of your satisfaction and joy. My message today is that you are perfect just the way you are. Below are breakthrough ways to help you set aside your perfectionism for good.


Break the mold. I grew up playing the violin. Most violinists I knew only knew how to play the melody of someone else’s song. After taking a hiatus, I wanted to learn how to improvise. Most violinists don’t improvise. They try to do everything perfectly. I wanted to break the mold.


Give yourself a break. That’s when I began taking violin lessons from a guitarist. Guitarists I know make up their own music. My teacher challenged my perfectionism head on. He would tell me, “Practice doesn’t make perfect. Practice makes progress.”  I can’t tell you what a relief it is when you give yourself a break.


You have all the time there is. I used to stop by my colleague’s office, frantic and windblown from my corporate pace. I would complain that I didn’t ever have enough time. That’s when she looked at me and said, “You have all the time there is.” I stopped dead in my tracks. All each of us ever has is the present moment. What a relief it is when we settle into this very moment and take notice. 


One thing at a time. Multitasking has helped so many of us fall into workaholic patterns, yet it feels much more satisfying if you can select one action step, whatever it is, and do it completely. If you just balked, then you’re not breaking your projects down into small enough pieces. What a relief it is to accomplish what you set out to do. Set yourself up for success! 


Repeat often.” I am perfect just the way I am. I am enough. I do enough. I have enough.”


--Laura Newberry-Yokley, Holistic Leadership Coach

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Published on November 13, 2014 04:09

November 12, 2014

Three Tips to Help You Recharge

Equally as important as what you do to promote your career is what you do not do. All too often we get swept up in the whirlwinds of our lives. Unable to find the eye in the storm, we are bombarded by our to-dos and bogged down by our over-commitments. Trudged down in the trenches, we lose sight of the larger landscape. If we could just pause for a moment to notice our beautiful lives, our hardships and our poise, then I think we could achieve integration between our daily workloads and career aspirations.


This week, I invite you to acknowledge the transformations and transitions that are underway in your life, even if you can’t see their tangible results or reap immediate benefits of your hard work. You are constantly in motion, always in a state of growth and learning from each experience, whether easy or difficult. Below are some ways to find some semblance of renewal:


Allow yourself to shut off. Everyone, including you, must rest and recharge. It is unsafe and unhealthy to do otherwise. Do you know where your off switch is? Have you ever used it? Put parameters around your cell phone use and email checking, especially in the evenings. Turn off all lights in your sleeping area. Write down all of your thoughts on paper before going to bed. Clear your mind and allow your body to rest. 


Give yourself permission to take care of yourself. As you walk, breathe in while taking three strides, then exhale while taking three more steps. Take the stairs, or park really far away and walk into the office. Get outside and walk at lunch. Take a mental health day and schedule a massage. 


Keep your plans moving forward. Stay focused. You have been laying your career groundwork. You have been plotting your coordinates as you prepare and intend your next move to unfold. Make sure that you have clarity around your plan and follow it accordingly. Acknowledge your fear, but do not reside there. Continue nurturing your plan with patience while keeping your desired outcome in mind. Trust that all is working in your favor, because it is.  


--Laura Newberry-Yokley, Holistic Leadership Coach

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Published on November 12, 2014 06:30

November 11, 2014

Vernice FlyGirl Armour on Courage and Confidence

How do you respond when a fellow soldier tells you, “Ma’am, you saved my life that day”? Vernice "FlyGirl" Armour could not have realized the personal impact her pinpoint accuracy would have until that moment. Her skills destroyed a building shielding an enemy mortar position in Iraq; without her, many others would have lost their lives.


Vernice “FlyGirl” Armour is used to danger, it was her job. America’s First African American Female Combat Pilot has completed two tours of duty in the Gulf and earned a variety of medals, including: an Air Medal (with a star for Valor and 13 Strike Flight awards), a Navy & Marine Corps Commendation Medal, a Navy Presidential Unit Citation and several others.


FlyGirl doesn’t believe in being average or mediocre. She’s taken her incredible stories of accomplishment with her and today tours speaking to women and girls across the country. She hopes to ignite a passion for achieving personal greatness and to instill listeners with their own personal flight plan. We asked Vernice a few questions about female veterans and her life growing up. 


Please comment on female veterans. 
Women veterans have served alongside their brothers at arms for decades now. It is literally impossible to remove women from the military and have it remain functional/operational. A current topic of discussion is women in combat. When I first enlisted in the military, women were not allowed to be combat pilots. Just as women have risen to the challenge in flight, the individuals who are qualified and have a desire to serve in this capacity should be given the opportunity to do so. Women have stepped up into almost all occupations in the military and will continue to do so, as we continue to advance further with helping women reach the senior ranks of leadership.


Who early on saw something in you that you hadn't see in yourself? Who was that person and how did they support you?
My parents were the role models I looked up to early on. They always taught me I could be and do anything I wanted to do, so there wasn’t anything that I couldn’t see myself doing. Now, this doesn’t mean I didn’t have my fair share of failures. I venture to say I had more failures than the average person just because I took so many more risks! But the failure is a necessity for the success. Just look at the example of the baby taking its first step. The faster it fails, the faster it succeeds. The faster we move through our failures, the faster WE succeed. Mentors and role models are essential for our young leaders. Helping them see and understand they can succeed is where the courage, confidence and grit to move forward come from – it’s the secret sauce.


What advice would you give your younger self knowing what you know now? 
Always continue to follow your gut and remember not to put off happiness; enjoy it and celebrate in the moment of accomplishment. Happy is a derivative of happened. Joy is from the inside out, and it’s a choice!


Women Veterans undergo many challenges. For more information on how to support them, visit websites like the following

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Published on November 11, 2014 06:22

November 10, 2014

Plot Your Coordinates To Success

Everyone can innovate. Your ideas are critical to your organization’s success, so don't hold back, diminish, or censor them. A large organization is like a slow moving barge— when you tell a large boat to turn right, it may take some time for it to turn. The same is true for a large corporation. It may take some time for your idea to take hold, but don't give up!  Here are some suggestions to helping you get started:


Get to work. I’m sure you’ve heard that “ideas are a dime a dozen” or “talk is cheap.” Dreaming and talking will only take you so far, no matter how much you do of either. Actions bring dreams to life. Thomas Edison said, “Genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration.” Once your epiphany comes, it will be time to put it into motion. Ask yourself: What’s the absolute next best action I need to be taking right now?


Generate ideas quickly and informally. Don’t wait for the big ideation meetings and formal strategy sessions to generate new ideas. There is much to be said for informally generating ideas on the back of a napkin. Start recording your ideas, carrying a journal, or using an app on your phone to help capture your ideas as they float by.


Meet new people, generate new ideas. Make sure you schedule at least one meeting with someone inside your company you do not formally work with on a weekly basis. I would also encourage you to schedule frequent one-on-ones with those outside your company. Take note of the themes that emerge during your discussions.


Follow the Yeses. Always bring your ideas to the table, no matter how off the wall they might seem. Your ideas are valuable and act as a spark for someone else. Your ideas could be the necessary catalysts required to launch a discussion, finalize a decision, or close a deal. You will hear many noes. You will also hear one or two yeses. A “no” may also mean that the timing is not right, or you will have to wait until the organization is reorganized to accommodate your idea. A “yes” is a landmark pointing you toward your success. Use these yeses to plot your coordinates.


--Laura Newberry-Yokley, Holistic Leadership Coach

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Published on November 10, 2014 06:43

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