Helene Lerner's Blog, page 93

December 31, 2014

How To Reorganize Priorities for the New Year

It happens to all of us at one time or another (or perhaps more)—that feeling of overwhelm that creeps  over us from the heavy weight of our priorities. We think about all the things we want and expect to accomplish, perhaps even laying out carefully made plans to tackle our biggest to-do lists… only to find that we bit off more than we can chew. 


Take solace in knowing there are ways to reorganize your priorities for the New Year! While it might be tempting to once again take on lots of projects and ambitions, follow these suggestions for a more manageable flow:


Be discerning


When you feel like everything is important and none of the items on your list can be sacrificed, consider changing your approach. After taking a “Clearing Away Clutter and Chaos” course with organizing guru Andrew Mellen, I was reacquainted with the idea that when you put importance on everything, the result is that nothing receives the attention it deserves. We must have confidence in our own abilities to identify what is of utmost importance and what is not. Determine which tasks and projects are most important for this year, and which fun activities will bring you the most joy. Clear the rest from your calendar and to-do list. 


Focus on What You’re Good At and Delegate the Rest


If you’re great at organizing your finances, keep that on your list of responsibilities. Next think about the tasks you don’t do as well or don’t like to do, and delegate them to someone who can accomplish them better and/or more quickly than you can. For example, perhaps you will send your laundry out to be professionally dry cleaned on a weekly basis (and find a provider with a pick-up/drop-off service!). It might also be the perfect time to turn over some household chores to your children or another family member. 


Take inventory of Time and Money


With each of the items on your list, think about how much time it takes to complete them and how much money it would take to hire someone else to do it. If it’s a higher price than what you want to pay, look at it from another perspective: give an hourly value to your time. Let’s say you value your own time at $30/hour. If you hire someone to complete one of your tasks at $15/hour, you might almost consider that a bargain (50% less than what it would cost of your own time to do it yourself)! 


Leave Some Wiggle Room


Don’t over-schedule yourself, and that goes even for the things you want to do. Ever been excited about getting tickets to an opening-night show or an evening at a brand-new restaurant? Maybe you purchased a new frock to celebrate the 10 pounds you lost or the new account you acquired at work… as you’re getting ready, you start to feel yourself filling with dread or overwhelm at the prospect of going out. It’s such a paradox when you’ve selected an activity of your own volition and then you wind up not enjoying it because you’ve been constantly over-scheduling yourself. Stop doing it! In 2015, make sure to leave yourself a little free space on your calendar for time to relax and recharge! 


--Victoria Crispo, Dec 2014 Career Coach

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Published on December 31, 2014 06:32

December 30, 2014

The Women Who WOWED Us in 2014

Who are among the women who created change over the course of the year? These are just some of the women who wowed us in 2014!


Yeonmi Park
This year at the One Young World Summit, Yeonmi Park spoke out about the terror she experienced, trials she endured, and harrowing details about what life is like for those crushed under North Korea’s regime. At the end of her emotionally charged speech she says, “I thought nobody in this world cared and only the stars were with me, but you have now listened to my story, and you have cared. Thank you very much.”


Malala Yousafzai
This October she was the co-recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize, and at age 17 she is the youngest Nobel Prize laureate. Malala began challenging norms when she was only 11—unfortunately her rise to prominence resulted in an attack that left her unconscious for days. Since then she has advocated passionately for the right of all children to an education. 


Emma Watson 
Emma Watson, of Harry Potter fame, stepped out this year when she was appointed as a UN Women Goodwill Ambassador. In September she helped launch the UN Women campaign HeForShe, a solidarity movement for gender equality. She said, “Both men and women should feel free to be sensitive. Both men and women should feel free to be strong… It is time that we all perceive gender on a spectrum, not as two opposing sets of ideals.” 


Zhenya Muzyka 
Life wasn’t easy for Zhena, not when her first child Sage was born with a severe birth defect. Without health insurance and options, Zhenya turned to what she new best. With her knowledge of aromatherapy, she began selling tea blends from a cart on a California street corner. Today she runs a multi-million dollar business, and her journey is chronicled in Life by the Cup, published this past June. 


Reese Witherspoon
There are too few films developed by women for women that engage our complexities. There's also an audience for these projects, and it’s not just women! Reese's production company, Pacific Standard, is dedicated to developing interesting films focused on women. Recent films from her company include the 2014 films Gone Girl and Wild, both which are critically acclaimed. 


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Published on December 30, 2014 06:39

December 29, 2014

How to Ace a Phone Interview

I recently read a blog post on Job.com that gave practical tips to recruiters who will be conducting phone interviews. “Employers: How To Conduct a Phone Interview” by Lauren Riley gave several great tips for making the most of the interview experience without having the benefit of meeting face-to-face. For today’s blog, I take each recruiter-based tip and apply it with the job seeker in mind. Check it out!


Keep it Succinct. 


The article addresses the time-saving features of the phone interview and advises recruiters to carefully choose their questions and not allow the candidate to ramble about things that are irrelevant. (Point to take home: don’t ramble during your phone interview!


What are some things you as the job seeker can do to keep it succinct?



Practice. As you would for a performance or oral presentation, practice your responses. Make sure you can say everything you need to say without going off on tangents.
Time your answers. I’m serious about this! Get out the timer app on your phone and time each response as you practice. See how long it takes to actually give a quality response. If you need to tweak, now is the time!

Also try to anticipate what types of questions you will be asked. Imagine if you were the recruiter—what would you want to know about the candidate?


Be prepared.


Recruiters are advised to have the candidate’s resume in front of him/her while conducting the phone interview. Guess what? You should too! Naturally, you should know your work history backwards and forwards, but when there is a particular fact or detail, you can refer your interviewer to its location on your resume.


Note: there are several other ways to ensure that you are prepared for an interview, too many for us to outline in this blog. Stay tuned for future blogs on just this topic! 


Pick an appropriate location.


I cannot stress this enough! Ensure that you can secure a quiet place in which you will not be disturbed by friends or family members, text message alerts, or even outside noises. If you often hear loud sirens or other street sounds, you may want to consider shutting the windows or finding an alternate location.


Ask more open-ended questions. 


Remember that if your interviewer does ask close-ended questions, you are not obligated to provide only a yes/no answer. Give more clarification wherever you need to (in a succinct manner!). This will ensure that your interviewer will learn more about your skills and accomplishments.


Take notes during call. 


This is essential for your thank you note! From the notes you’ve jotted down, take a few key points that outline the best “sound bites” of your interview. Consider including a sentence about topics on which you connected with your interviewer, your accomplishments and experience, for which job responsibilities you would be a good match, or any “conversation piece” that you discussed with the recruiter.


End on a friendly note. 


The recruiters were urged to remember that they are representing their companies and to avoid being rude to any candidate, regardless of how unsuitable for the position he or she may be.


As the job seeker, take the same advice—remember you are representing yourself and your “personal brand." Even if the job does not offer the benefits you want/need, or the high level of responsibility you think you can handle, be cordial throughout the interview and still send a thank you note. Don’t burn a bridge.


Follow up. 


As a job seeker, we’re sure you have waited in vain for many an employer to get back to you regarding your candidacy. In the article, the recruiters were advised to follow up with each candidate—whether it’s a rejection or an invitation to the next round of interviews.


For your part, remember that you are entitled to follow up with an employer—whether that’s because you haven’t heard back in a timely fashion or you want to alert them to a facet of your experience you hadn’t mentioned during your interview. Also keep an employer up-to-date when you take another job offer or would like to retract your application from an opportunity.


Using the tips given to recruiters can give job seekers a lot of great insight. Hope you found this post helpful—share in the comments the tips you will implement first! 


--Victoria Crispo, Dec 2014 Career Coach

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Published on December 29, 2014 06:26

December 26, 2014

Tough Holiday? Here's how to Recover from Caustic Relatives

Now that the holiday season is pretty much over, it’s a good time to check in with your feelings. For some, this may have been a great time to reconnect with family and friends. For others, you may feel so overloaded from dealing with caustic family and friends that you’ll likely need to do some damage control in order to recover. 


If that’s the case, there are some methods that can help in getting you back to your old self:


Reflect on what went “wrong”


Was it the same argument you have with your aunt holiday after holiday that got you unraveled? Perhaps you went into the family festivities expecting it. What would have happened if you told yourself a different story about how things were going to go, before you even arrived? Discover your role in how things went wrong and where you could have made some changes. Use it as an opportunity to identify what you can do next time so you don’t have to take things too personally. 


Reflect on what went “right”


Maybe you held your tongue to keep the peace. While that may have kept things cordial on the surface, what might keeping it all in do to you in the long run? What opportunities did you miss by avoiding a touchy conversation and what could you have done to better prepare for it in a way that keeps your interactions respectful and constructive?


What was it that really hurt you? 


Get clear on the issues you have with your relative. How long-standing are they and how relevant are they in the present moment? Are you truly still hurt by the incident itself, or simply your memory of it? Think about what you can do to heal yourself before you see this relative the next time. Also ask yourself if your relative even knows what he or she did “wrong”. Might it be time to talk about it? Perhaps it requires a simple change in perspective- maybe you misunderstood your relative’s intentions. How wonderful would it be if you could change your perceptions of your relative for the better? 


Put yourself in her shoes


In many cases, when we think about the person who has “wronged” us, we can identify a defining issue in his or her life that could be contributing to the behavior we dislike. When we put ourselves in another’s shoes and gain perspective on what they are going through, it allows us to see them as “human.” Perhaps your Wicked Witch of the West relative is actually a hurt, lonely victim, suffering from arthritis and a broken heart. How might you act if you were dealing with the same? Perhaps you would also see only the negative in life and seem ungrateful by complaining about the home-cooked food. When we think about a situation from another’s point of view, it doesn’t excuse them for bad behavior, but can certainly give perspective on why they may act the way they do. Try it and see how it might change how you interact with your relative next time. You never know – your compassion might actually spur him or her on to find something positive at the next family gathering! 


Get your “you” time


During the holidays, we tend to focus on so much…except ourselves. If you found yourself impatient and ornery, you may have just been avoiding your need to give a little attention to YOU. Whether you spend five minutes, or devote half a day to luxuriating at a spa, be sure to take some time to relax and rejuvenate. You may be inclined to have a friend join you, but entertain the idea of taking this time solo. You want to avoid any chance of taking the focus off your own personal needs. 


Celebrate!


When all else fails and you really found the holidays particularly trying, remember to celebrate—you did it! You made it through with your sanity intact! Whether you treat yourself to a decadent chocolate truffle or celebrate with a private 5-minute dance party, remember to acknowledge your resilience and your ability to get through tough situations. Congratulations! 


--Victoria Crispo, Dec 2014 Career Coach

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Published on December 26, 2014 06:38

December 25, 2014

Holiday Fun in New York City

We had a fun time filming New York City holiday decorations, take a look.


Video Editor: Melenie McGregor

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Published on December 25, 2014 06:40

December 24, 2014

Dining at the Religious Smorgasbord

My parents were married at the age of 19 and came from very different socioeconomic and religious backgrounds.  My mom was raised in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (LDS) and was the first person in her family to marry outside of her faith. My dad was a Methodist. At an early age I realized that religious differences can cause conflict.


My parents later divorced and mom married a man who practiced Judaism. Within our extended family we have many faiths and perspectives, I often feel like I am dining at a religious smorgasbord. Yet, there were feelings of exclusion growing up. 


My first memory of feeling excluded was at eight years old, when I was holding my Dad's hand as we admired the Christmas display at the LDS Temple in Salt Lake City. Some of our relatives went inside the Temple and I began following them, that is until I felt my father's hand on my shoulder.  He told me we weren't allowed to go inside. I didn't fully understand then why, I had the feeling of being on the outside looking in.


When our Mormon relatives would come to visit us, I asked my mom lots of questions: 



Are they allowed inside our church? (The answer was yes.)
How did you and Dad decide to raise us as Methodists rather than Mormons?
Will we still have ice tea, soda and coffee when they visit? Do we hide these beverages or keep them in plain site?

A practice of theirs is to refrain from coffee, tea, tobacco and alcohol, and many choose to not drink caffeine as well.   


I married a practicing Methodist and had children, and then when our family visited my mom and her husband for Christmas, my children asked me:



Will we be celebrating Christmas, Hanukah or both?
Will there be a menorah and a Christmas tree?
Will we be exchanging gifts?
What color wrapping paper should we use? 
Which church service will we go to?

Let me be very clear—my children's main question was whether or not there would be gifts. However, I am glad that they were aware of different religions at a young age, rather than assuming that there was only one religion in the world.  When they were 8 and 12 we planned a trip to Wyoming, Idaho, Montana and Utah. It would be their first time meeting their Mormon relatives. 


We spent several days in the Grand Tetons and in Yellowstone Park before arriving at my aunt and uncle's home; we had a fabulous dinner. The next morning there was a coffee maker and a can of coffee on the kitchen counter—they were symbols of inclusion. Without saying a word these innate objects suggested, "We may have different beliefs and customs, but we want you to feel welcome."


These symbols of inclusion made me wonder about our workplaces. Some symbols of inclusion in the office are:



Photos of family members, partners, loved ones and friends who look different than you
Books, posters, artwork, and artifacts from other countries, different religions
The rainbow flag, pink triangle or equal sign demonstrate support of LGBT rights

Words are the most powerful symbols. Happy Holidays is more inclusive than Merry Christmas, because it recognizes and honors people who have different faiths and beliefs. In that vein, best wishes to all of you in the holiday season!


--Sharon Orlopp, Global Chief Diversity Officer at Walmart

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Published on December 24, 2014 06:17

December 23, 2014

Yearend Reflections You Can Do Every Day

At year-end, we are often prompted to reflect on what happened throughout the year—whether we like it or not! Some of us eagerly take the opportunity and others bemoan it. It can feel daunting to recap everything we’ve experienced from January 1st to the last day of December. 


One way to make it easier is to stop waiting until the end and relying on yourself to sort through all your memories, some of which may already be cobwebbed. Instead, decide on a question you can ask yourself at the end of each day, something that requires only a sentence or two (maybe even just a few key words) and jot down your response. You can use a journal at the side of your bed, a notes app, or even an Excel spreadsheet. 


Below are some ideas for questions you can ask yourself on a daily basis: 


What did I do well today?  


This question allows you to celebrate your wins. It also comes in handy during performance review time at work! Keep in mind though that you don’t have to focus solely on accomplishments at work. Take a holistic approach and track what you did well in all facets of your life. 


If you’re feeling more ambitious, you can add a follow question such “what skills did I use to get it done?” and “how can I do it again tomorrow?” 


What are three words I would use to describe today? 


This is a simple way to recap your day and gain perspective. Be sure to go back and read your entries each week (or month) to take note of any patterns. Also, if you find that you are using the same (negative) words to describe your days on a regular basis, take it as a sign that you need to change things up a bit in order to get yourself in a more positive frame of mind! 


What is one new thing I heard about or saw today? 


Be it something you read in the news, a colleague’s insight at a staff meeting, a refreshing way to start your morning (hot water with lemon seems to be the trend lately!), or even a color combination your preschooler put together when getting dressed, write down something new that you learned, saw, or experienced. 


How do I want to feel tomorrow? 


At the end of the day, remind yourself that tomorrow you get another shot at feeling how you want to feel. Be intentional about it—how do you want to feel? What words describe how I want to experience my day tomorrow? Whatever the words are, write them down. In the morning, read them and intend to go about your day in a way that allows you to feel in those ways. 


--Victoria Crispo, Dec 2014 Career Coach

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Published on December 23, 2014 06:46

December 22, 2014

What Do They Want to be When They Grow Up?

If you have children, chances are you’ve thought a lot about where life may take them professionally. They might also be starting to have those questions—whether they’re 6, 11, or 18, chances are they’ve thought: “what do I want to be when I grow up?” What can you do to guide their exploration and point them in the right direction? 


Let them know it’s okay to change your mind. 


They may have a clear-cut vision of what career they want at a young age, or they might change their minds several times over the years (or each week). Either way, let them know it’s okay! The average person changes careers (not “jobs,” but actual careers) at least seven times in a lifetime. The key is to adopt some practical methods for making every experience (even those that don’t seem related to work) one in which they learn, grow, and accomplish. Help them see learning opportunities in “regular,” day-to-day activities and the skills they use to accomplish their goals. 


Encourage them to pursue opportunities and make the most of them.


Ask them about the things they like to do and provide support for them to engage in those activities. Maybe they want to get involved in the school chorus, an athletic team, or science club. Maybe they love to code, create pottery, or develop practical inventions. Whatever the activity, ask questions that help them reflect on the strengths they use and build upon in each. 


Record accomplishments.


Suggest that they keep a notebook or file of the things they do well. If he or she is known as the member who gets the team ready for practice, jot it down. If they help friends put together outfits appropriate for wherever they’re going, take note. Invite them to reflect on skills they’re using:  observation, coordination, an eye for color, knowing what works. If they organize the annual book sale at school, they might be using skills such as these:  time management, organization, negotiation, logistics. Help them see the merit in what they are doing and identify accomplishments. 


Brainstorm with them to build a list of skills they are learning at part-time or summer jobs. 


If your teen has a part-time job, advise him or her to see the role as more than “just” a cashier or restaurant server. Remind them of the responsibilities they have and how they actively engage in executing them appropriately, every time they’re at work. Cashiers are entrusted with cash and credit payments, representing the company/store to customers in a positive manner, and given the responsibility to end shifts with accurate register balances. Waitstaff may be required to memorize a lengthy list of specials (complete with their most intriguing ingredients), taking accurate orders, providing exceptional customer service and a positive dining experience, and managing the nuances of the kitchen and dining room. The skills used in these instances can certainly make a positive difference in their future careers. 


Motivate them to see that even at a young age, accomplishments and strengths matter, and now is the time to gain practical experience and a mastery of applying it in the “real” world of work in the future. 


--Victoria Crispo, Dec 2014 Career Coach

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Published on December 22, 2014 06:25

December 19, 2014

Colleen Grapes's Fabulous Holiday Creme Brulee Dessert Recipe

[image error]Still deciding on holiday desserts? Check out Colleen Grapes’s fabulous egg nog crème brûlée recipe! These delicious treats will be sure to impress all of your holiday guests. 


Ingredients: 
6 cups heavy cream
6 oz sugar
13 egg yolks
2 teaspoons kosher salt


This is to be added when cool:
2 cups egg nog
1 Tablespoon brandy
1 1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg
3 Tablespoons Gosslings dark rum



Directions:
Mix heavy cream, salt and sugar in a pot until very hot but not boiling. Add yolks to a bowl. While whisking add in about half of the hot liquid slowly. Pour all of the liquid into the egg mixture and then strain into a bowl. Place on top of another larger bowl with ice to cool down. Once the mixture is cool, mix in alcohol, egg nog and nutmeg. Pour into ramekins, just a little more than 3/4 full.


Place into a cake pan or casserole dish (something with high sides) and then fill the pan half way with cold water and cover. Place into a 325 degree oven. Bake for approximately 30 min… test by carefully pulling the top back, but be careful of steam. They should jiggle slightly in the center. Finally uncover and pull out. Once your crème brûlées are room temperature, place them in the fridge for an hour till cold and set. 



Colleen Grapes is the executive pastry chef at Manhattan’s Oceana. 

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Published on December 19, 2014 06:35

December 18, 2014

Learn from Caustic Colleagues

We all have someone who’s an inspiration to us. Some we may know in our day-to-day life, and others may be outside of our immediate circle, such as public figures, humanitarians and famed gurus. There are others however, who may serve as inspiration in unexpected ways. Maybe a colleague’s caustic personality always rubbed you the wrong way, but after hearing her talk about painstakingly caring for a sick relative, you developed a better understanding for the “rough around the edges” exterior. 


Today, I encourage you to think about those in your life whose presence led to a poignant lesson, burst of motivation, or call to be a kinder, more patient “you.”  During this holiday season, take some time to reflect on the ways these individuals have provided intangible “gifts.” You may not have even considered them as such until this moment. Below is a list of some of the types of “unexpected inspirations” you may have encountered. 


The Pesky Mother-in-Law


She may look at you with only the most disapproving of gazes, while silently criticizing your apple pie, home décor, and choice of family doctor. Sure, it may be tough to be around her, but think about the lessons these interactions may be teaching you: remember that being nonjudgmental and accepting, even when you think the other person doesn’t accept you, can be a gift. When you use the opportunity to “extend the olive branch,” you are standing in your power by not allowing the actions of another to compromise your own feelings of self-worth.


Taken from another perspective, remember this is a person who raised your partner. There are many things about your partner you love, admire, and appreciate. Take some time to discover which of those qualities he or she may have learned from dear ‘ol mom. How surprising would it be if the woman you see as disapproving and unrelenting gave your partner an appreciation for multi-ethnic cuisine or a sensitivity towards feminism?  How have those foundations helped shape your relationship? Will you begin to feel gratitude where you may have felt anger or disappointment? 


Differing Moral Codes


Whether you’re guided by religious morals or your own personal code of ethics, chances are there are times when you need to deal with individuals who go against your moral code. Let’s say you’re staunchly against premarital sex, and the checkout clerk at the supermarket is an unwed, pregnant teen. You’ve been judging her in your mind as you wait your turn, and just as you are about to scoff, you realize she has been fervently refusing to sell cigarettes to every minor who has tried to get one by her. 


You may not agree with her lifestyle choices, but in the moment perhaps you become aware that she is living in integrity and standing by her principles. Perhaps it becomes easier to see that those who live with a different code of ethics still have principles, some of which may be in line with yours. Maybe it’s a reminder to take inventory of your own moral code and make sure everything is in order. 


The Gossip


You avoid being in the restroom at the same time as her, just so you won’t have to engage in conversation. Lunchtime chatter is always about another colleague’s latest romantic screw-up, or who’s line for the next promotion (and why— wink, wink). She’s usually fun to talk to, but there’s just something about every conversation that makes you feel bad or uncomfortable. 


Even as you avoid her, identify how you might be able to feel a sense of gratitude in the situation. Perhaps she is showing you how you don’t want to be. Maybe the “lesson” is to find your voice and address issues outright. Speak to her (in a calm and open manner) about her actions and why they make you uncomfortable. Can you feel the difference once you’ve cleared the air? Identify other areas of your life where you can do the same. 


These are only examples. The point is to review how your encounters with individuals can serve as pivot points for rectifying misconceptions, rethinking situations, and finding greater harmony, patience, and balance in your life. You may even be inclined to send a “thank you” to your source of unexpected inspiration! 


--Victoria Crispo, Dec 2014 Career Coach

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Published on December 18, 2014 06:41

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