Helene Lerner's Blog, page 95
December 4, 2014
events to help seize your passion
This is a question that comes up in just about any personal development circle. If you're looking for your next gig, chances are your inbox has been flooded with invitations to countless "find your passion and purpose" events. Do you go or sit them out?
The choice is personal preference- there is no "right" or "wrong" decision. Even if it's not your style to go to this type of event, it doesn't necessarily mean that it’s not "right" for you. You may gain a lot of insight... and perhaps a new friend or two! Even if it is your kind of thing, you may still be feeling overwhelmed.
Below are some tips for assessing which event to attend.
Price/Place
Does the admission fee fit your budget? Is the event being held at a local venue? If not, what will the cost be to travel to the event? Will you need to stay overnight? How do those additional costs fit into your budget?
Time
What is the time commitment? How long is the event? How long will it take you to travel to the event?
Content
Does the content material match your experience level? For example, if the event is an ‘intro course’ and you're already well-versed in the topic, would a more advanced event better suit you? Will you be receiving an overview or a more ‘meaty’ presentation?
Structure
How is the event structured? Is it a lecture or an informal networking event? Does it involve audience participation, exercises, or group work? Will you get one-on-one time with the presenter? If there are group exercises, how comfortable are you getting involved? If attendees are encouraged to share their experiences, how comfortable are you doing so? Is it likely you will stretch out of your comfort zone and share your experiences? If it's not, how beneficial will the event be for you?
Size
Will it be an intimate group or take place in a large lecture hall? Will you get direct feedback from the presenter?
Testimonials
Upon reviewing the presenter's website, what do previous attendees say about his or her events? What are the outcomes? Do those outcomes line up with your own goals?
In-person or webinar?
Webinars and online events are becoming very popular. Some of these events are offered for free and give you a "taste" of the personal development workshop experience. If your budget does not allow you to attend a live event, consider whether or not a webinar format will work for you.
Going to a personal development event can be a rewarding, fun, and eye-opening experience. If it's something you've never done before, review the list above to gauge your comfort level with attending an event.
If you have attended a personal development event, we invite you to share a tidbit about your experiences! How did the event help you? What is something you learned at the event?
--Victoria Crispo, Dec 2014 Career Coach
December 3, 2014
New Year, New Habits, New You
As the year comes to a close, reflecting on what we can do better in the year to come is natural. You may have negative thought patterns or bad habits you’d like to release. What are some things you can do to let go?
Name the Monster
You don’t have to give it an actual name (“Meet my overeating habit. Her name is Sandra”), though if it helps you to personify it, give it a try. The main thing is to identify the issue clearly and precisely. Make sure you know what you’re fighting against and the problems it’s created in your life.
Try to be as specific as possible. “I procrastinate too much” is a good start, but really take a good look to identify patterns and specific scenarios. For example, you may find that you are really on top of your personal finances, but you fall behind when it comes to submitting your monthly progress reports on time at work. You may find that you procrastinate more in the morning, or when you don’t have all the resources to finish your task then and there. Name your habit in a more specific fashion.
Reflect
When you think about the specifics of your bad habit, what clues do they give you? If you recoil when you have to deliver a report to a supervisor who is heavy on critiques, what does that tell you about how you deal with criticism? Are you procrastinating about the project or trying to avoid the resulting feedback… and how has that been working for you? Chances are, delivering a quality product to your manager is inevitable. That being the case, what good will procrastinating do? It may even create a more difficult situation, leaving you with less time to create a stellar report.
Identify what you can Change
You won’t be able to change another person’s mood, personality, or struggles. If your bad habit is wrapped up in a personality conflict, know that you won’t be able to change the other person, but you can change how you react to him or her. For example, you can remind yourself not to take criticism personally.
If you find you indulge in your bad habit in the afternoon, change your working conditions so indulging in that habit is less appealing. Reflect on what activities you take on right away. Determine what motivates you to do them quickly. Mimic those tasks by making the ones you procrastinate over more like the ones you complete right away.
Set a Small Goal
It takes about a month to adjust to a new habit. If it seems too daunting, break it into manageable pieces. If you’ve been waiting until the last minute for 15 years, you’re not going to break that habit overnight. Set yourself up for success by selecting easy wins when you first get started.
Record your Progress
Develop a method for tracking your progress. You can set a timer and challenge yourself to complete a task within that amount of time. Record how much you’ve completed in the allotted time period. Did you take a break? Started daydreaming? Record that too.
Write down when you’ve met your goals, but also record the times you slipped up. Take note of the circumstances. See if you notice any patterns. Devise a plan to change things up so they won’t present the same problems going forward.
Get an Accountability Buddy
Find someone who will help hold you to task by arranging a weekly check-in with a trusted family member or friend. It can be as simple as sending a weekly email: “this week I stopped myself from engaging in X habit five times. I have not done X in 4 days.” It helps if your accountability buddy is also changing a habit and checks in with you about his or her progress too. Even if you’re working on different things, doing it simultaneously has a “we’re in this together” quality.
Celebrate your Victories
At the end of the allotted time (usually about a month) reflect back. How did you do? Have you kicked the habit fully? Do you still have about halfway to go? Whatever the case, celebrate accordingly. Toast the positive changes in your life due to kicking your habit. Revel in the knowledge that you can do the same with other habits too!
--Victoria Crispo, Dec 2014 Career Coach
December 2, 2014
Tis the Season, Your Season
We are thrilled. Our good friend Steve has written a wonderful post for us. Time to start thinking about all the good things you’re going to bring into your life during 2015.
It has begun… change is in the air as 2014 begins to make its elegant exit and 2015 greets us with the possibility of a refreshing start.
Change is in the air… What about you?
Are you going to allow the world around you to change while you remain stagnant?
Will you allow 2015 to find you the same as 2014 left you?
Why not let this season of change be YOUR season?
Let this be the time when the fresh seasonal transition carries a tune of change that makes your heart dance!
It’s YOUR season!
You have been waiting to break free and release your greatest self. Let this be your season.
Enough of the same old rut!
Enough of the worries, insecurities, and doubt!
Enough of the regret!
Enough of letting undeserving people dictate your moods!
Enough of giving others power over you!
Enough of feeling empty and unfulfilled!
Enough of letting days, weeks, months, and years pass without truly embracing all their blessings!
Enough is enough!
Change is in the air. This change reminds us that we are made and beautifully sculpted by the same power that is orchestrating this transition. Let this be the season you embrace and align yourself with this change.
Look around you. Everything changes. Everything on this earth is in a continuous state of evolving, refining, improving, adapting, enhancing… changing. You were not put on this earth to remain stagnant.
Don’t fall into the trap of dreading the holiday season. Make the best of it. Yes, make the best out of the chaos of family and visitors (even the crazy and annoying ones).
Instead of letting it stress you, let it bless you. Use this time as a gauge for personal behavior and direction in your own life. The people who annoy you offer a great guide for what not to be.
Don’t miss out on the opportunities of closure that this time of year offers.
It’s your season of refinement, enhancement, happiness, and success.
Make this the time you throw away old habits that have hindered your happiness and success, and finally allow your greatest self to flourish.
The time has come. YOUR time is now.
It’s your season.
Finish the year strong… and bring on the next!
And remember, I’m here cheering you on.
Five things to keep in mind and carry with you as this year ends and the new one begins:
Have a funeral for past relationships.
Think of how liberating it would feel to have a funeral for past relationships and drama. Take the time to look back and give the past its proper recognition. Reflect upon what you can learn from your experiences; the good, the bad, the pretty, the ugly. Learn and move on. Recognize past relationships for their impact on your life and most importantly, recognize them for what they are… gone. Let go!
Let go of the people who poison your spirit.
Don’t let anyone tell you not to burn bridges. Some bridges are meant to be burned; some roads are never meant to be traveled again. Let go of the people who dull your shine, poison your spirit, and bring you drama. Cancel your subscription to their issues.
Don’t be discouraged by rejection.
Every time I thought I was being rejected from something good, I was actually being re-directed to something better. Every job I was denied… opened the door to new opportunities. Every relationship that hurt me… led me to my true love. Every mistake I thought would be the end of me… pointed me towards an incredible success. Don’t give up… ever!
Don’t try to control other people’s behavior.
It is a tremendous burden to attach yourself to outcomes and behaviors you simply don’t control. The only control you have is your own behavior; and that’s tough enough to control. What chance do you have of controlling others'? Free yourself from such fruitless stressors. Instead of trying to control the behaviors of others, set a standard in your own life. Refuse to be disrespected, lied to, or mistreated. Set standards of personal behavior and standards of what you accept from others. Setting standards for yourself is a healthy and effective way to avoid the fruitless burden of trying to control others.
Be the hero of your story.
Your life is a story you’re telling yourself. I like to live each day of my life as if it's a page in my life’s story. Don’t ever forget that you get to choose how your story plays out. Even if you don’t get to choose the events that happen, you do get to choose the labels you place on the events and what role you play. Are you the hero of your own story? If you aren't, then you're missing the whole point of your humanity. Maybe the hero that's missing is you. When you become the hero of your own story, you activate a power within you to make changes to your entire life. Don’t ever lose sight of, or give away, your power as the author of your story.
Dr. Steve Maraboli is a life-changing Speaker, bestselling Author, and Behavioral Science Academic. His empowering and insightful words have been shared and published throughout the world in more than 25 languages. His latest book is “Unapologetically You.”
December 1, 2014
Meet our December Career Coach!
Victoria Crispo is a career coach known for bringing a vivacious and dynamic element to her clients’ job searches. She propels job seekers towards taking control of their job searches and moving through fear, uncertainty, and other blocks to career success. By providing perspective and a listening ear to those who feel lost in the job search process, she empowers them to develop plans of action that are easy and fun to implement. In addition to assisting with resume and cover letter writing, interviewing, networking techniques, and career exploration, she guides job seekers towards discovering and maintaining their confidence throughout the process and presenting themselves in a way that “wows” employers.
Victoria Crispo, Career Coach, Career Services USA
November 28, 2014
Less is More
Believe it or not, having less stuff can lead to more abundance. Maybe you buy stuff to numb your current situation, talk to fill uncomfortable silences, or respond with negativity to dampen awareness.
Less stuff. More abundance. A dear friend of mine asked me how many pairs of shoes I owned. I smartly replied a number out of thin air. I have really worked on minimizing my stuff over the past few years, so I responded arrogantly. Upon arriving home, I lined up my shoes and counted. Then, I went upstairs and opened my closet. There were nine more pairs I hadn’t included in my count. I was shocked. As it turns out, we have everything we need and more.
Less talking. More listening. Paying attention more and talking less might be just what the doctor ordered. Do you hear what people are saying to you, or are you thinking about what you are going to say next? I got called out several years ago by someone who said I always tried to make the conversation about me. In an effort to connect and create common ground, I agreed that I did. Are you guilty of this?
Less negativity. More awareness. I have always thought of compulsions as addictions to drugs and alcohol, sex, caffeine, and work. Until recently, I never considered that one could be addicted to an emotional response or attitude, like negativity or judgment. I started paying attention to how I responded to people and experiences. I soon began to have the courage to change things that needed changing and to appreciate the things that didn't.
The trick is getting into present time. Whether you are out shopping, talking to a friend, or expressing your emotions, do so presently. Get rid of your distractions and compulsions. I think you’ll find that you have more abundance than you think you have.
--Laura Newberry-Yokley, Holistic Leadership Coach
November 26, 2014
What Are You Grateful For?
Happy Thanksgiving from WomenWorking! What are YOU grateful for?
Video Editor: Melenie McGregor & Michelle Purpura
4 Easy Ways to Keep on Track during Holiday Frenzy
If your family is like mine, “family dynamics,” are always present, especially during the holidays. For some of us, the holiday season smells like warm cinnamon boiling on the stove, but for many others, this may not be the case.
Aren’t the holidays supposed to be a chance to recharge? How come we sometimes don’t feel this way?
Below are 4 ways to keep it real when it goes wrong:
Family of Choice vs. Family of Origin. I am starting to recognize the difference between my family of origin and the family I choose to create. Sometimes these families overlap, but sometimes they don’t. Think about creating a family of choice. Who would you like to have around you?
“Gratitude is the best attitude.” This is one of my favorite quotes. I joined WomenWorking’s morning practice on Facebook, and each morning I comment about what I’m grateful for. This practice has become second nature. What’s one thing that you’re grateful for right now?
One thing at a time. Sometimes I wish I had multiple arms so I could do everything at once-- unfortunately this isn’t the case. Try doing one thing from start to finish and do it the best you can. When you do things one at a time you’ll find peace and quality replace frenzy and mediocrity.
Self-care. If you’re like me, then you put everyone else first and yourself last. Does this affect your mood? Your health? Your peace? Try giving yourself what you require to feel full and satisfied first. Your family will feel the ripple effects. If not, at least you'll be able to wade through your own “family dynamics.”
--Laura Newberry-Yokley, Holistic Leadership Coach
November 25, 2014
Make a Strong First Impression Every Time
We’ve all heard the saying “first impressions are everything,” and in business this couldn't be more true. According to multiple psychology studies, first impressions are often made within the first seven seconds of meeting.
To make a strong first impression, just follow these simple steps:
Dress for the position you want. When in doubt, always dress more conservatively. You never see a powerful CEO in anything too revealing... chances are he or she got there by dressing in a respectful manner. An outfit with visible cleavage should be left for your social life. For more formal business interviews or meetings, close toed heels or pumps are recommended. Iron everything and lay out your outfit the night before. Dresses and skirts should not be more than 1.5 inches above the knee and stockings are a good choice in a formal environment. Be careful not to over do it on the body fragrance, makeup and statement jewelry…you do not want what you wore to be remembered over your skill set.
Body language. Good body language can signal you are both attentive and engaging. Never cross your arms— it’s a sign you are closed off for communication. Practice great posture by rolling your shoulders back, sitting and standing straight up and lifting your chin slightly so you appear confident and alert. If you cross your legs when sitting, be sure to cross at the ankle and keep knees together— it prevents revealing too much and will stop nervous bouncing of the leg.
Smile when entering room. A smile when entering any room implies you are happy to be there, approachable and friendly… three great qualities to have in any employee.
Make eye contact. Never look down or to the side when meeting someone… it may imply you are distrustful or lacking self esteem. Keep your eyes locked with the person you are in a conversation with, whether you are speaking or listening.
Handshake. Getting the perfect handshake right is easy and can leave a lasting impression of professionalism. When you put out your hand for a greeting, make sure the web in between your forefinger and thumb connects with theirs. Ensure your handshake is firm but not too aggressive. Try this when you enter the meeting and again when you leave the room. A great handshake says you mean business, is a sign of respect and shows you are authoritative and professionally polished!
--Myka Meier, Etiquette Expert
November 24, 2014
Want to Get Noticed?
Whether you include keywords in your resume, tap into your network, or dress for success, the goal of these actions is to get noticed. Here are some tips when you’re looking for your next success.
Tell Your Story. It’s true our resumes are scanned for keywords, that's the reality we live in. So by all means, think through the words you use to describe your career achievements... but what if you could do something else? Instead of the traditional bullets after each position, what if you told a success story that highlighted your results? Some talent uses a one paged snapshot of their career headings as their resume. At the bottom is their personal link to their LinkedIn profile, where detailed explanations of each position are housed.
Win Others Over. Current data suggests that the majority of jobs are secured because someone you know referred or recommended you. Since we still operate by word-of-mouth, it’s still critical to meet new people face-to-face and get them to like you. Have the courage to be visible by adding into your schedule time for you to meet with people you don’t know, or join organizations and boards. Learn people’s first names and use them whenever you see them. Do you know the name of your security guard or night custodian at work? How about the person who makes your lunch every day? Make this a daily practice – not just when you need something – get to know the people around you. Be authentic.
Dress for Success. Our visual sense registers in the brain first before the others. We assume we know someone in the first milliseconds of an encounter. I remember what I was wearing when I had someone say to me, “Dress for the job you want.” I felt good. I was wearing black slacks and a black shirt, a long red knit cardigan, and sassy black heels. “I am,” I thought to myself, “It’s just not for the job you think.” When you’re dressing for success, dress for your success. Your sense of style communicates right away your level of confidence, creativity, and candor.
--Laura Newberry-Yokley, Holistic Leadership Coach
November 21, 2014
How To Deal With Unsupportive Colleagues
Life’s challenge is to maintain who we are while dealing with negative emotions, challenging situations, and speed bumps. Work is no exception. How do we stay focused on our passions, goals, and spirit when we might be surrounded by difficulty? Dismissive bosses and unsupportive colleagues may have been given little respect and might actually need a helping hand themselves. You never know what they are going through.
Focus on what you can control. We have great power over how we manage our day, including what actions we take, what words we use, and how we experience the people around us. Since you choose to go into work every day, do it on your own terms. The details of our narratives do not matter as much as what we do, feel, and say about them.
Face your fears. Even though we might be afraid, we still have to address office issues. Turn around and face your fears. A person who doesn’t know what scares them will have a hard time working to effect change. What if we could speak up about injustice, confront inappropriate behavior, and stand your ground? We can do these things, and we must, even when we are afraid.
Speak up about how you feel. Feel your feelings and maintain your voice, regardless of the situation. If you are congratulated for working hard, then celebrate it. If you love what you do, then exude joy. Conversely, if you are unhappy about a boss or colleague stealing your work and taking credit for it, then be upset. Confront the issue at hand. You have a powerful voice, use it!
Be a beacon at work. You have a great opportunity to model the behavior you would like to experience. Let your passion draw your colleagues to you.
--Laura Newberry-Yokley, Holistic Leadership Coach
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