Helene Lerner's Blog, page 89

WHO ARE YOU?

You are more than your everyday identity.

You are a soul beyond your current form.

Your true identity is your Higher Self.

You have a purpose that is more than your job.

Cultivate and live in the space of your True Self.

This is what we must remember in our everyday life.

It is through our struggles that we learn about our authenticity.

To walk through our fears helps us live in the NOW.

The present moment is where truth is.

 

 

 

 

 

 

This Year YOU'RE Your Valentine

The idea of self-love is a new-ish concept, or dare we say “New Age” idea. Often we hear people say, “I love myself, but I’m still alone.” Or, “Sure, I love myself, but if only my partner would [change in some way.]”

Understanding what self-love actually is will help you cultivate it in your own life. Self-love is the actual way you behave toward and about yourself.

Do you treat yourself kindly? Do you speak to yourself kindly?

What about when you make a mistake? Do you beat yourself up and call yourself stupid? Are you invested in the attempt to be perfect?

Having the expectation of being “perfect” is unrealistic. Even when you are with your Beloved, you will have miscommunication, you will disappoint each other, you will disagree, and possibly argue.

Love your “mistakes” and embrace them. Own them – they belong to you. Conflict is the door to deeper connection. This is true with every single relationship you have.

All too often we find that people want to deny their feelings. This is not a loving act. Feel what you need to in the moment. The great thing about emotions is that they shift and change on a dime. Resisting one will only make that feeling persist.

This Valentine’s Day give yourself a gift – simply be with you for awhile. Put your hands on your heart, breath deep, and feel. Be present in the moment and embrace your glorious beautiful self.

If tears come, let them. If laughter comes, great! Just be with you because the gift of your time is important, and choose what you say to yourself with loving kindness.

You are the only you that exists. There will never be another you!

--Orna and Matthew Walters, Getting It Right This Time™

www.CreatingLoveOnPurpose.com

 

 

 

The Secret to Finding And Keeping Love

Regardless of how you feel about Valentine’s Day, it remains that in order to really thrive in life, we must master intimate relationships. So regardless of your status: Single, Divorced, or Never Married, let us share with you how to really thrive when it comes to your love life. 

The answer is inside of you! That’s right, if you want your relationships to change, the only thing you can do is change yourself. 

Please don’t stop reading here. We want to be really clear that we don’t mean to sacrifice, twist in a pretzel, or in any way abandon yourself. Actually we mean quite the opposite. 

In order to bring in a beloved relationship and create the true soul partnership of your dreams, you must change your relationship with yourself. 

We hear all the time about how people don’t have time to date, that dating isn’t “for them,” that all the good ones are taken. Every excuse puts the ‘problem’ outside.

We also hear how the problem is the partner: If only he would ______________? Why do I have do everything? If I don’t do it, it won’t get done. 

The problem is inside of you, not outside. 

If you are not putting yourself first and making time for you – how can you expect anyone else to do that? 

Our relationship with ourselves is the foundation of what we see reflected back to us in the world. The world is how we believe it to be. You can find evidence of love everywhere, or nowhere – it depends on your beliefs. 

Take inventory of your beliefs around love and ask yourself this important question: Is this True? (We put a capital T there on purpose.) 

Invest time in yourself and make this important decision: Choose love every day.

Love is not something that happens to you, it is a choice. When we make the effort to choose love in every circumstance, we open our heart to receive that magic and bliss.

In choosing love every day, every day is a celebration of love! Happy Valentine's Day!

--Orna and Matthew Walters, Getting It Right This Time™

 

Love Is In The Air...

It’s not the kind of love you’d normally think of in February, but there truly is a warm and fuzzy feeling that occurs when one thinks of JEWELRY! I want to take you away from the dreariness of winter for a minute to think ahead and get you ready for SPRING. Seeing so many designers feature these accessories on the runway last season sparked a frenzied demand for them in all of our looks, from casual tees to business attire, they’re even perfect with your little black dress and red carpet looks. These accessories are taking a chic hold of our attention, and come in metals, heavy gems and much more.

Here are a few of the HOT TRENDS for jewelry this spring/summer season: 

Yes, chokers are back and it’s no longer a 90’s throwback to wear them! From the traditional style, to ones that are super embellished, to open-style versions that lay perfectly along your clavicle—NOW these necklaces are all about having that tight embrace!

The pendant necklace is also coming out swinging this spring, both short or long. Pendants are a great accent to the deep v-neck trend, gracefully adding some sparkle to your look with subtle but deliberate sophistication. This style can be appropriate for the office too, not just for after hours. 

The choice metal of the moment are richly hued brass, yellow and rose golds, done up bold and brash in a wide variety of styles.

Wrap your wrist in simple sophisticated and delicate skinny bangles. Embellishments should vary; wear some with tiny diamonds, some with spikes, asymmetrical details, like orbs or simple sleek gold metal in classic settings. Regardless of your style choices, they are sure to add sparkle to your soon to be warm weather looks. My tip is to stack them; not too many… keep it to no more than 4-5, accent your signature watches or wear singly. Speaking of single, this brings me to our next trend…

The single-earring trend is also known as—the unbalanced look. Whether off in color, shape or length, the beauty is found in the oddity of it. For the last few seasons, it has been all about that statement piece of jewelry; which still has its place, but right now it’s all about the return of dainty. If you want to follow this trend you should pair a big earring and a mini stud earring. Don’t throw away that earring you can’t find the match to, now you can pair it with a totally different earring and be stylish, chic and right on trend. You can’t beat that! Let’s be honest, this is one of the easiest fashion trends to pull off. 

Fashion is cyclical, “new” trends are often reminiscent of days gone by. This cleaner, softer, dainty take on jewelry has taken over the statement jewelry piece and is making its mark as the “go-to” way to accessorize and update any basic outfit.

Pamela Watson is an experienced stylist who currently works as the trend expert for Builders of Style, where she prepares A-list clients for red carpet events, music videos, concerts and award shows. Have a question for Pamela? Either ask below or email administrator [at] womenworking [dot] com. 

Know Your Personal Brand

[Listen and Download Here]

In this episode of Dare to Live Fully, Helene talks with Sharon Orlopp, the Global Chief Diversity Officer for Walmart, about defining your personal brand. Throughout her career, Sharon has defined herself as passionate advocate for her associates and a champion for diversity. She now uses her expertise to mentor young women. 

Read some of the highlights here: 

On Becoming Self-Aware 
Sharon: As human beings we’re continual learners. We want to continue to grow and develop. One of the best ways to do that is to be incredibly self-aware. See yourself for who you are and how others see you, and if there is something different you want to be, how to become that.

What are you good at? I’m a huge believer in continuing to strengthen your strengths, rather than always working on areas of opportunity, which we all should work on. But maximizing your strengths, and creating those strengths into super powers helps define what your brand is.

On The Importance of Honest Feedback
Helene: What we want to do with feedback is not only hear all the great stuff about us, but what might be getting in the way of our advancing. It’s very courageous and it’s often not easy to face those things in ourselves. It’s much easier to point the finger at someone else and not get involved in our changing.

I see women having the courage to look at themselves and say, “Do I need to fix this? And if I do, how am I going to go about it?” Then on the other side, also see your strengths, and play to those and build them.

For the rest of Helene and Sharon's thought-provoking conversation, check out the full interview [here].

This program and future shows will also be available on iTunes the day after broadcast. Don't forget to give us a 5 star rating!

Start Your Day Strong

When Katy walks into the school where she works as a custodian, her coworkers can feel her positive energy. Katy doesn’t command a high salary, a prestigious title or position of authority—but she does come to work in charge of herself and her attitude. Katy recently told me, “If I start the day off right, more often than not, it ends up right.” I asked her what advice she has for us, and here’s what she said:

Tell your brain what to focus on.

Katy realizes her company and the people she works with aren’t perfect. While she doesn’t ignore the imperfections, every morning she tells herself, “Today I choose to see what’s right, so I can keep what’s wrong in perspective.” Katy also told me, “A few years ago I read a book on happiness and the brain, and it said I have to tell my brain what to focus on. I started doing that and it works.” 

Know why you go to work.

Sure Katy loves her paycheck, but every morning she reminds herself of other reasons to go to work beyond supporting her family. Here are some of the deeper purposes connected to her work day: Using and developing her strengths and talents, enjoying being around people, setting an example of a strong work ethic for her children, taking pride in her work, and so on. Take some time this week and dig deep to answer the question, “Why do I go to work?”

End the day on a strong note.

Katy told me that on her way home she reminds herself of something from her day that makes her feel good. She says it makes it easier to start her morning off strong. I asked Katy what she tells herself if on one day everything seems to go wrong. She replied, “Because I tell myself in the morning to focus on what’s right, instead of what’s wrong, I can always find something to feel good about—even if it’s telling myself I got through a tough day.” 

- Alan Allard, Executive Coach

How to Use Positive Stress to Empower Yourself

 

In my previous blog post I pointed out the difference between empowering stress and toxic stress. Empowering stress is any “pressure” or “demand” that motivates you to learn, grow and transform. Here are three ways to create positive and empowering stress in your life:

Identify what you want.

Identifying what you want creates the positive tension and pressure we call “desire”—a strong emotion of wanting to have something. When you think of something you want, you will a feel positive energy, pressure that moves you to take action for what you want. But before you can take action, you have to know exactly what you want. That is the first step towards all progress and achievement in life. 

Identify one to three things in your life that you want, or identify something you have but you want more of. It could be a personal quality, a material thing or an experience in life, such as happiness, confidence or love. Choose something you think is “within your reach” and then...

Develop a plan.

Get out your digital or paper notepad and list the steps that will enable you to achieve what you want. This is how you create empowering stress—by making a plan to make your wants a reality. Let’s say you decide you want to go on a two week vacation to Europe. Good, now you know what you want. Feel that positive energy and use it to build your plan.

Decide how much you’ll need to go on your trip. How creative can you be in saving money for your trip? Where would you be willing to spend less to save more? How can you earn extra money for your dream trip? How long do you think it would take to save the money you need? Put all your answers in your action plan. 

Take action on your plan.

When you make a plan, you’ve already taken action and you will feel empowered. Now is the time to take more action and create more positive energy. If you want to get promoted and your plan says you will need to improve your writing skills, sign up for a class today. As soon as you take that action, you will have more confidence in yourself and what you will soon have to offer your company.

Taking action empowers you because you discover that your fears were illusions. They were distractions that came from thinking about what you don't want. Taking action unleashes your power. In the beginning, be sure to take steps that will lead to success, because success leads to confidence, and you can use that confidence to want "bigger" things. That will create more empowering stress—the tension and pressure that mobilizes you to do what will fulfill your desires.

- Alan Allard, Executive Coach

Are YOU Your Valentine?

Do you want to have more fun? This is a serious question. Why? Because when we play or sing or dance, we get in touch with our feminine essence. Then we can bring it out into the world with joy and radiance, and that makes all the difference in work and in life.

Remember Valentine’s Day when we were little girls? Back in the day, we used to give cards to everybody in class; there was anticipation in those tiny red hearts. 

So for this Valentine’s Day, I want you to open your heart to someone special. That someone is you. This is not about flowers and chocolate, although I invite you to shower yourself with them. This is about something deeper, loving yourself. As women, we don’t do that enough, and it’s time to start. Who knows? It could become a habit. So here are my tips:

When you dress in the morning, put on something festive. It could be a bright new outfit, something you hid in your closet for “someday.” Well, today is the day—the brighter, the bolder, the better! Maybe you’ll wear a pair of red heels, or that glamorous jewelry piece you’ve been dying to wear but haven’t had the guts to. Now is the time.

Stand in front of the mirror and give gratitude for every part of your body, the parts you like and most especially, the parts that you don’t. For example, an easy one, “I love my arms, I get to hug people.” How about a hard one? “I love my belly, she is soft and pillowy.” I can feel you fighting with me. That’s ok. I can take it. Do it anyway!

Click on this link and do what I do in front of your mirror. 

After meeting my heroine, Louise Hay, the founder of the international publishing company, Hay House, I went home and wrote this song. Hay House then asked me to post it on You Tube before the webinar I did for them. Women from around the country wrote back to me, using it as a fun morning ritual. I was tickled. It’s a love song to yourself. You deserve it. Happy Valentine’s Day.

—Karen Fitzgerald,  Coach/writer/singer/actress

 

Two Things To Help you Bust Stress

About twenty years ago when I was a psychotherapist, I was discussing work with colleagues. One worked in a prison setting with inmates who were depressed. I’ll never forget when he said, “I tell my clients that being depressed is to be expected given their situation, and that I am there to help them manage their depression.” 

I asked this therapist how he explained that some inmates go on to live happy and productive lives. He stared at me in awkward silence until someone else rescued him by changing the subject. As an executive coach, I help my clients deal with pretty tough stuff. Sometimes they tell me, “It’s too much and I’m stressed out.” 

Almost always, when someone says that, they are pointing to something external they believe is creating the stress. That’s what most people believe—they think it’s the difficult situations or people in their life that’s causing their stress. That’s not so, and here are two things you must know about “stress” and how to make stress work for you: 

There’s “empowering stress” and there’s “toxic stress.”

Empowering stress (“eustress”) is a necessary and healthy part of life. In fact, your mind, body and spirit all need to be challenged in order to thrive. We create empowering stress when we believe we’re capable of responding to a challenge and that there will be a payoff after doing so.

We create toxic stress when we believe we are powerless and helpless in the face of our challenges, which is damaging to the human mind and spirit.

Toxic stress is created when you think and believe things like:

I can’t handle this, it’s just too much.
This is only going to get worse.
I can’t change this, I’m stuck with it and I hate it.
This shouldn’t have happened (It did happen, so saying it shouldn’t have fights reality, which causes toxic stress).
What’s the point in dealing with this—it will take everything from me but won’t give me anything in return.

You’re dealing with the wrong problem.

Dr. Stephen R. Covey said it the best: “Remember, every time you think the problem is ‘out there,’ that very thought is the problem.” When it comes to toxic stress, the problem isn’t “out there”—it’s hiding inside our thoughts and beliefs. We create this stress when we come from a place of fear, denial or blame. Your state of stress (empowering or toxic) isn’t determined by your state of circumstances. 

We know that to be true because some people react to challenging circumstances with fear and indecision, while others respond with vision, solutions and action. When something challenging comes your way and it “stresses you out,” your “problem” isn’t the problem you might think it is. 

Your problem is that you may not believe you are up to the task, and can’t see how you will benefit from handling it. If you believe you are capable of rising to the challenge and that doing so will benefit you, you’ll feel in control and motivated—not overwhelmed or “stressed out.”

- Alan Allard, Executive Coach

Life is Short

Life is short so live your life fully

Video Editor: Michelle Purpura