Helene Lerner's Blog, page 86

A Happy Life is...

You are the only person that can create the life you want. 

Video Editor: Michelle Purpura

 

The Secret to Achieving Big Goals

We all want to achieve goals, right? Of course, achieving a goal is a basic and universal human need. I just wrote two blogs about the power having a vision has to move us from managing to leading. It’s important to have a vision and goals we can anticipate and work towards so we can achieve something meaningful. However, focusing so much on the goal that we lose perspective about the journey can be a source of frustration and unhappiness. 

Danielle, a woman with whom I worked, was committed to self-improvement. Well read in many self-help books, she was a wonderful goal-setter. She always set self-improvement goals, and focused tirelessly to achieve them. She also believed that in reaching her personal goal she would achieve happiness at last. But this isn’t so.

Why? It’s our very attachment to the goal that can prevent many of us from achieving long-term, lasting change. It’s about sustaining the gain. Even if we achieve our goal, we cannot stay there without commitment and discipline. For instance, I can hit my weight goal—and be there for 2 days—before I start gaining again. I have to keep a sustainable eating plan and go to the gym.

Whether it’s weight loss or achieving greater credibility, most of us want to see results right away. It’s easy to lose enthusiasm for change when reaping the rewards seem so far down the road. Unfortunately, we humans crave instant gratification and the prospect of prolonged trying can be a turnoff.

Instead, try focusing on the effort, rather than goals. In this way, we can notice the journey to the goal and distract ourselves from being results-obsessed. We are no longer measuring whether we attained the goal to feel rewarded. We set ourselves free to appreciate the process of change and our role in making it happen. We are now taking our mind off frustration with roadblocks to achievement (including our own) and how long it takes to make visible progress—because we’re enjoying the daily journey towards our vision.

So, as you take each step during the day along your path to making changes, remember: 

True personal change takes time—it's a marathon, not a sprint. 
Success is the sum of small efforts repeated day in and day out. This sustained journey can be fun as we put our minds in the present, while keeping our vision in mind.
If we make the effort, we will improve. If we don’t, we won’t.

Danielle shifted her attention from her journey towards her goal. She found herself much happier! When we commit to a goal, we know that our vision, commitment, motivation, support system, patience and self-discipline are allies along the way. Enjoy the path each and every day! This helps us sustain what we achieve.

-Andrea Zintz, Career Coach, President, Strategic Leadership Resources

3 Easy Steps to help You Realize Your Vision

In a recent blog, I talked about how important having a vision is, and how it can take you from managing to leading. Based on research on appreciative inquiry, there are four stages to building and implementing an inspiring vision. The four stages are aligned to the Four Ds: Discover, Dream, Design, Deliver. I will focus on the first three. Whether you are seeking to make a personal life-altering decision or leading a team seeking a better way to achieve a goal, these steps are proved to work every time!

Discover

This is a fun stage because you are exploring and analyzing past successes and accomplishments—your own or the team’s. The point is to focus your creative energy on the positive, rather than being caught in what didn’t work. Tapping into positive energy from past accomplishments will help you feed a creative mindset. This contributes to an ambitious vision. 

When I was helping my team become more high performing, we explored what worked successfully with other teams. We individually tapped into what helped us feel connected to the goals, each other, and our decisions. This also helped us build the confidence that we had knowledge and skills to reach an ambitious vision.

Dream

In this second phase, the goal is to tap into your creativity, as well as the team's. Brainstorm questions to ask and answer them to arrive at ideas. What is an ideal picture for the future? No idea is too crazy, stupid, or unrealistic during this step. Go for diverse ideas and experiences. Groups with diverse thinking styles come up with better solutions than groups of experts on a single subject.

Be careful of getting stuck in negativity: We can’t pay for that. We don’t have enough time. We tried that before and it didn’t work. Instead, think about what the ideal future would look like if you had millions of dollars or six more months. Turn negative thinking into creative thinking.

When my team was coming up with our vision, we brainstormed questions to ask ourselves such as, if we had all the resources possible and no limitations, what would we love to see in 5 years? When we found ourselves getting negative, we turned it into a “how to” question such as, “How to pay for this?”

Design

In the Dream phase, you came up with options, ignored roadblocks, and tapped into potential visions of a better future. When you have a list of a few ideas that excite you or your team, you’ve arrived at the third step—the Design stage. You can begin to decide what the future should look like. Prioritize ideas from the Dream stage into which is most important, or which options best suit the needs of your stakeholders. During the Design phase, you begin to create an action plan. 

My team met regularly to work through our ideas. We took each stakeholder and asked ourselves, what would would satisfy or delight them? We began to work out designs for what would support those factors. As we analyzed each word of our vision, such as “sustainable growth,” we discussed what “sustainable” meant to us, and what “growth” really looked like. The vision became more meaningful and “real.” We became inspired.

This is where your hard work pays off. As you begin to roll out the vision and take steps towards reaching it, you or your team can benefit from a constant reminder of past accomplishments, current skills and abilities, and the desired future (vision). As you meet roadblocks during the implementation, re-framing your perspective of “roadblock” to “opportunity” will help you maintain a positive outlook. 

-Andrea Zintz, Career Coach, President, Strategic Leadership Resources

Stylish and Sweet Spring Trends

I don’t know about you, but I didn’t mind losing an hour of sleep if it was going to help push winter out of the way and let spring come on in! We’ve had enough fun with our cable knit sweaters and boots of every color and height… time to put them away and make SPRING FORWARD! What isn’t there to love about spring? It’s longer days, more fun in the sun; we all come out of hibernation! We want to shed those comfort food pounds we gained from being inside so much, and start showing off our bodies… right?! No more layers upon layers of clothing; we want to feel lighter and brighter as the days grow warmer. Feel fresh and look our best! Well here are some guidelines to consider when unpacking and purchasing your warm weather wears.

It’s the cooler and softer side of spring’s color spectrum that has all the designers this season abuzz. I personally can’t help constantly smiling at all the pretty sheer colors, especially the blue hues for the season. I hope this also makes you want to rush to update your spring wardrobe right away! Spend the last of these cozy winter nights inside clicking away for Spring’s hottest trends so you’re ready when the weather breaks.

 

Spring 2015 Color Trends

Aquamarine A cool calming blue with a watery feel; it’s a light and airy shade.

Scuba Blue It’s so reminiscent of a tropical ocean; a blue hue that looks and makes you feel invigorating.

Lucite Green A soft mint green that gives a soothing glow.

Classic Blue A classic color we are all too familiar with. Pairs well with all the other spring trend colors.

Toasted Almond A warm sun-kissed hue.

Strawberry Ice A soft pink-like shade that evokes a feeling of being “pretty in the pink” without being too overbearing.

Tangerine An energizing yet subtle shade of orange. Energizing and great as a pattern.

Custard A soft banana hued color that reminds me of crème brulee; creamy and decadent.

Marsala A warm burgundy wine color with a brown undertone.

Glacier Gray A soft gray; a perfect neutral that, much like the classic blue, is a great color to pair with the other spring trend colors.

 

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Now, I couldn’t leave you this month without a few points to guide you on WHAT to get that’s hot…

Polka Dots are back and it’s not just for kids! They evoke a daintily sweet and feminine appearance. They come in various sizes, from large to small… choose one.

Chunky ColorBlocks are popular this spring. The hot mix of neutrals, anchored by bold colors in wider bolder stripes, is a great style option for all ages.

Robe Mode for spring, with the kimono’s simple and sleek silhouette, is getting all the buzz this spring. It’s uber comfy and perfectly pairs with denim. If the whole kimono style top is too much for you, take elements of it and try wearing the wide sash like a belt for a dress or top.  

Jumpers are still all the rave! This season the hot jumper is OVERALLS. This farmers’ staple is comfort & fashion with a slimming silhouette to be sexy and stylish. Jumpers will be around year after year; in a variation of styles for the picking.

Neutrals and Exotic Skins. Luxuriate in the rich textures now shown in the calming spring trend colors.

Gold Barrettes are simple ways to elevate your half up/half down do’s this spring (shown at Celine shows recently).

Next month, I will give you a more comprehensive breakdown of spring to-do’s in shoes/accessories and more! Until then, stay warm and get your closets ready for the great season ahead!

Pamela Watson is an experienced stylist who currently works as the trend expert for Builders of Style, where she prepares A-list clients for red carpet events, music videos, concerts and award shows. Have a question for Pamela? Either ask below or email administrator [at] womenworking [dot] com. 

True Leaders Have Vision

Today it's essential to improve your strategic thinking if you want to move on from being a manager to a leader. It’s no secret that the environment in which your organization does business is always in the midst of change. One of the main requirements of a leader is the ability to devise a clear strategy for her team, department, or organization. It's critical to develop strategic thinking. This means creating and selling a vision of a compelling possible future, and doing this in a way that influences and motivates stakeholders to follow.

Here are three compelling reasons why developing and selling a vision is such a powerful leadership tool.

Vision provides a sense of where you—and the team—are headed. 

This is especially important when leading during times of uncertainty. So, how do you as a leader come to see that future and understand it? It may seem counter-intuitive, but leaders who look backward before looking forward actually look farther ahead. You can’t make progress toward the future if you are unable to understand where you came from.  Your history is important, and the team or organization’s history holds much of what’s important to its members. These include values and what the people who are part of the team stand for. It’s the foundation that got them from where they were to where they are now.

A vision paints a future that inspires hope and engagement. 

This is done by asking others to tap into values and their sense of future possibilities.. Ask others to dream about the future along with you. Ask them to approach this exercise with a sense of experimentation, fun, risk-taking, and standing firm on the principles to which they are committed. Vision conveys an ideal about a new and exciting concept, solution, or process—and about what success looks like. Basically, a vision is a word picture that others can see in their mind’s eye.

A vision fosters innovative thinking and risk-taking. 

An inspiring vision invites stakeholders to consider new approaches, while honoring the core competences that have generated success to date. By its nature, a vision causes everyone to take a long-range, broad approach to problem solving and decision making. This encourages dreaming of what’s possible, analyzing trends, thinking ahead, and planning.

The ability to look into the future is the quality that distinguishes leaders from managers. Developing and articulating a vision serves to motivate and empower yourself and others. Practicing with a personal vision is the best way to develop the skill.  In my next blog, I will describe the steps to developing and selling a vision.

-Andrea Zintz, Career Coach, President, Strategic Leadership Resources

Trust Your Intuition

When an opportunity comes your way... Go for it!

Video Editor: Michelle Purpura

Dare to Live Fully: How to Attract a Sponsor

[DOWNLOAD HERE]

In this episode of Dare to Live Fully, Helene talks with Michelle Gadsden Williams, Global Diversity Expert. Growing up in a close-knit family of women, Michelle learned early on the value of being surrounded by a powerful community. She offers advice on how to attract and build relationships with power players (sponsors), and more.

Read some of the highlights here: 

[On defining a sponsor…]

MICHELLE: This individual is a true champion, a staunch advocate. Someone who convinces others that you deserve that promotion or pay increase, putting your hat in the ring. They’re doing a lot of heavy lifting on your behalf. 

The relationship should be reciprocal. There are some things that the sponsor proactively does for the protégé. But the protégé also has to do their part as well: promoting and protecting the legacy of the sponsor. It’s a two-way street that can work incredibly well on both sides.

 [On how to attract a sponsor…]

HELENE: We need to do our homework. We need to figure out who the person is, who is the power player that we want to address. What are his or her pet projects? What can we contribute to help them? When you meet informally with a power player, take an interest in one of their projects, and let them know some of the ways you can help them. Why not also slip in one of your strengths or accomplishments? Let them know who you are. 

I want to say to any millennials that might be listening: Sponsors are within your reach. Take opportunities to meet them. Go to association meetings and cocktail receptions where they might be. It’s within your reach. Keep in mind how you can help them.

To hear more of Helene and Michelle's motivating conversation, CLICK HERE. 

This program and future shows will also be available on iTunes. Don't forget to give us a 5 star rating!

5 Ways to Boost your Confidence in Making Difficult Decisions

How can we ensure that our decisions are right for the situation, for those impacted by them, and especially for ourselves? There is a powerful method I use to help me make the best decisions. The method is called TENOR, and is an acronym for 5 steps to effective decision-making. Developed by Charles Jones, researcher with the Institute for Adaptive Mastery, this method helps to bring the important role of emotions into play when considering decisions we make.

Let’s use an example to make it come alive. Jenna was feeling anxiety about her decision to present her work at a conference. The date conflicted with a planned family vacation and her family was looking forward to it. The vacation gave her quality time with her parents, husband and kids. The conference would give her exposure for her work, was good for her career and would please her boss. 

T stands for note Tension. Tension arises when you resist feeling an emotion. Focusing your conscious awareness at the site of tension is the first step to availing yourself of the information carried by this emotion.

Jenna felt tension in her body. When she thought about the choices, she noticed she furrowed her brow and was biting her lip—two symptoms of a painful emotion, which she then identified.

E stands for feel Emotion. Emotions are messages from your subconscious. Pleasurable emotions arise when your subconscious has the assessment that you ARE on track to fulfill a need. Painful emotions arise when your subconscious has the assessment that you are NOT on track to fulfill a need. To understand the information your subconscious is sending to your conscious mind, you must FEEL the emotion.

Jenna noticed she felt anxiety. She knew that she preferred to go on vacation, but since her boss asked her to make this presentation as a developmental opportunity, she felt conflicted. Her anxiety was connected to saying no to a chance to share her work with a large number of people who could help her career.

N stands for articulate Need. Needs are instinctual motivations that drive your decisions. Each emotion, painful and pleasurable, maps to a distinct need. For example, your need to achieve causes the feeling of frustration. The need to assert rights feeds the feeling of anger. The need to mitigate a risk is underneath anxiety. If your subconscious mind determines you are not on track to meet the need, it sends painful emotions to your conscious mind. You must articulate the underlying need to get to the important message of your emotions. 

Jenna felt as deeply as she could into her anxiety, and realized there were risks associated with each choice. This meant that to make an effective decision, she would have to identify the risks at play for her in this situation. If she said no to her boss, she would risk the possibility he wouldn’t ask her again, and he may not see her as committed to developing herself. If she chose the presentation, her family may feel she was not interested in quality time with them or for her own well being. 

O stands for create Options. Now that Jenna has articulated both her need and the risks that underlay her anxiousness, she can create options for herself. 

There are three ways to resolve a painful emotion. You can fulfill a need by modifying: (1) your strategy for fulfilling this need, (2) your beliefs for assessing the fulfillment of this need, or (3) your beliefs that drive how the need is assessed—that it is no longer an issue in this situation. Creating at least one option for resolving a painful emotion enables you to move forward.

Jenna was clear that her priority was her family. She believed that if she said no to her boss, he would assume she wasn’t committed to her development and wasn’t appreciative of the opportunity he was giving her. There was no evidence that this was so. It was an assumption she was making. If she decided to discuss her situation, share her mixed feelings and her decision with her boss, she would verify or dispel this belief. 

R stands for gut-check Resolutions. Your subconscious mind can process implications of decisions much faster than your conscious mind does. If you sit with a proposed decision to allow your subconscious to work on it, this is a best practice for making sound decisions. Sleeping on it will assist you in both your confidence and resolve in moving forward with your decision and solution.

Jenna sat with her decision to speak with her boss transparently. She felt less anxious and her resolve increased to make the appointment with him. 

Try using TENOR the next time you face a difficult decision and let me know how it works for you and any questions you have.

-Andrea Zintz, Career Coach, President, Strategic Leadership Resources

The Secret to Effective Decision Making

Your decisions define who you are. Why? Decisions are ultimately tied to our performance as professionals, managers and leaders. When you make decisions, you use them as the basis for taking action and your action leads to results. These decisions can be about who you communicate with, your approach, how you handle conflict and solve problems, etc. The results lead to other decisions and actions—and generate the impressions that create your reputation. 

When you struggle with difficult decisions, you are striving to meet a need for others and yourself—though it may be sunconciously. When the decision is important to you, do you struggle with how you feel? Do you use facts and try pushing your emotions away while they persist to nag? There is a way to make this process more effective. Consciously use your emotions to help you consider your needs. 

Notice and use your emotions while sorting out your decisions. 

Our emotions are a major factor in our struggle with decision-making. This is our subconscious mind’s way of communicating our needs so they make their way to our conscious consideration. Properly interpreted, our emotions can support us in making performance-improving modifications to our beliefs and strategies. 

Even the most challenging and painful emotions can assist us. 

Each component of every emotion prepares us to move toward what we want. For example, anger urges us to assert our rights, envy promotes improving our standing, and embarrassment allows us to undo a social gaffe.

When we make decisions, our emotions are means to help us achieve goals important to us. 

They are tools that work beyond our conscious awareness to direct us where we need to go. They are not only instruments of our survival, causing us to fight or run, but, if we pay attention in the right way, emotions call out problems and opportunities. They lead us to excellent decisions. 

In my next blog, I will share 5 simple steps in using emotions and needs to make effective decisions easier. 

-Andrea Zintz, Career Coach, President, Strategic Leadership Resources

How to Start Living with GRIT Today

Angela Lee Duckworth in her TED talk says, “Grit is passion and perseverance for very long-term goals. Grit is having stamina. Grit is sticking with your future, day in, day out, not just for the week, not just for the month, but for years, and working really hard to make that future a reality. Grit is living life like it’s a marathon, not a sprint.”

It takes grit to persevere through tough situations like bad bosses, lack of visibility, toxic work environments and the uncertainty of lay-offs. Sticking to your career day in and day out and working hard is how you achieve your long term goals. 

Strategies for building a winning attitude:

Use effort to build ability: 

To build excellence, we have to lead in a way where we encourage effort. If some abilities aren’t inherent, we can substitute effort to build ability. Have the desire and attitude to excel in your undertakings. Have the courage and persistence to outwork your competitor.

Invest time and effort in building a nurturing environment:

We need to invest in building environments that inspire leadership, philosophy and opportunity. Risk needs to be built into our DNA, and new ways of playing the game need to be fostered. Find and stick with people who have a winning attitude. Wean off negative energy immediately—it will get to you sooner or later.

Stay hungry:

We are slaves to instant gratification. The next generation of talent needs to be hungrier and work harder. Remember, there is a lot you don’t know. Keep learning. Develop an unending quest for knowledge. Learn from the best and apply your knowledge to develop a competitive advantage. World class performers are always looking for world class coaches. 

Real currency is not money:

Money is not the most important measure of success. The real currency is your reputation, people’s trust in you, honoring your commitments, and delivering results. You can exchange things for money, but with currency you can build a fortune.

Be a dreamer

When we dream, there is no limit to our imagination. The thrill is in pushing your real-life boundaries and testing your potential. So, be a dreamer.

--Deepika Bajaj