Helene Lerner's Blog, page 84

Dare to Live Fully: How to Stop Overworking

In this special episode, Helene’s guest is singer/songwriter Alanis Morissette. Between juggling family and her career as a world-famous musician, Alanis is no stranger to the stress of a heavy workload. Today, she shares insights on how important it is to put self-care first.

Check out some of the highlights of the program here:

On battling work addiction…

Alanis: Work addiction is often called the respectable addiction.  It’s the only addiction in the world that gets praised. So imagine trying to kick an addiction that you get promoted for. 

On real courage…

Alanis: It wasn’t until I started applying the courage I apply to my songwriting to my actual relationships, that things started healing. 

On finding yourself…

Helene: The process of finding out who I was inside was terrifying. Who I am is a result of moving through fear and allowing myself to have feelings—not repressing them. It’s by owning, sharing, and moving through them, that I became powerful.

To hear more of Helene and Alanis’ candid conversation, click HERE.

This program and future shows will also be available on iTunes after broadcast. Don't forget to give us a 5 star rating!

A Quick Self-Care Routine to Help you Succeed

Sometimes it’s easier to use work as an excuse to skip that workout, or to use stress as an excuse to eat that donut and overdose on the wine and appetizers, but neglecting your health now guarantees bad news down the line. 

The only surprise factor is what kind of bad news. You are not invincible and your career is not worth sacrificing your health for. In fact, when climbing the corporate ladder as a successful confident woman, you must take great care of yourself in order to keep climbing and to have more doors open for you. 

The senior leadership team finds nothing attractive in an over-worked, over-stressed employee. In fact, you send the opposite message: 

When you neglect your health, you’re saying you are not able to take responsibility for yourself and that you can hardly manage everything on your plate currently. This makes it seem as though you can’t possibly manage more at a higher level, so it’s in their best interest not to promote you.

Don’t expect your management to verbalize this for you. They expect you to understand that a professional can handle her personal life and career obligations with poise and balance. Plus, it’s your health we are talking about. You want to take excellent care of it. Without it, you have no career. 

Even as a self-proclaimed health nut, I did not notice how badly my own health and relationship with my husband had declined, especially with coast-to-coast travel for quite a few months. I was cranky, exhausted, stressed out, and as a result, I showed up that way at work meetings. 

Imagine the irony: I was working myself to the bone, leaving my husband, traveling to California, giving up my personal life, and getting so stressed out that I was sabotaging my own career as a result. 

It took courage and commitment to turn things around, and I found that short bursts of health habits were a lot easier, less demanding but still highly effective. You are more likely to stick to short bursts in the long-term which gives you those sweet benefits which you can’t get for doing something just once or twice. 

Here are my 5 best quick health routines that each take no more than 10 minutes daily. You don’t have to do all of them every day. Pick and choose. Give yourself a hug for doing at least one a day.

Do a 10 Minute Breathing and Cardio Routine: I have a free video (https://www.udemy.com/10minutes/?couponCode=10minutes) you can watch and do with me as part of program I created for these 10 minute routines, which saved me. These combine breathing, stretching and mini cardio.

Sit Still to Meditate, Re-Group and Re-Center: You can do guided meditation or just sit in an upright position on your office floor and listen to soft music or your breathing.

Make a Glass of Green Juice or Smoothie: You can either buy a cold-pressed fresh green juice or make your own in less than 10 minutes. Replace one meal with it to help your body cleanse and detox regularly.

Say Positive Affirmations to Clear Negative Thoughts: Download my free 12-minute audio track ( http://www.prolificliving.com/positive-affirmations-landing/) and listen to it first thing in the morning. Or repeat your own favorite affirmations slowly 3-5 times. 

Write with Free Flow of Consciousness: You may call this one a journal entry. I call it self-therapy. You can do it online at 750words.com, in a Google doc, or in a personal journal. Writing without an agenda is pure therapy, and it can help you tap into your subconscious and solve problems that have had you stuck for a while. Write 750 words daily with abandon.

-Farnoosh Brock, Business and Career Coach, Prolific Living Inc.

What to Do After Your Boss Says No to a Raise

So you've done it. You've built up the courage to have a meeting with your boss to have the dreaded but necessary conversation: You asked for a raise. 

And your boss’s response is a no. A flat, quick and simple no.

Maybe he's not blunt or mean about the no. He may even be kind and listen to you intently before saying something along the lines of: 

"I agree, you are extremely hard-working and one of the best on my team. I don't know what I would do without you, and I agree, you're overdue for a raise but as you know, [insert here any excuses for not doling out raises.]" 

At this point, your confidence has dipped so low you practically have to look away before speaking another word. You feel defeated. 

The conversation started out so well, with all the great praise and promise of recognition for your hard work. But then he closed the door—no wait, he slammed it in your face—and he blamed someone else, HR, his own boss, budget cuts, the raise freeze, etc.  All outside of his own power so you simply could not argue or even carry on the conversation. 

What do you do next when your boss has specifically said that you are ready and overdue for a raise, but he cannot deliver on it?

Stay confident. Don’t show your disappointment (just yet).

Do let the refusal crush your self-esteem. Call me crazy but some women—including a younger me—suffer from this!

Ask your boss this question: "That's great to know. I was not aware of this [insert excuse used] was in effect (or applied in my situation). Can we discuss next steps on how we can work together to make my raise happen?"

Wait. Don’t be tempted to fill the silence with chatter. 

Your boss may resort to another excuse but most likely he will give you an answer. Maybe he has to go talk to his boss—or wait until the raise freeze has been lifted or check with HR. Now your job is to come to agreement on when you can check on the situation again. 

Don't give up. Don’t leave his office until you have agreed on a time and date to meet. Then follow up with your boss at the agreed-upon date, unless he has an update for you sooner.

This simple plan sends a strong message to your boss that you are a professional, that you understand this is all about business and that all business is negotiation. 

You may have several more conversations with your boss before your raise comes through. You may even realize that this company is not the place for your future, but you will have clarity from your boss sooner or later. 

Have faith! Words have power and the right words will get you closer to your career dreams.

-Farnoosh Brock, Business and Career Coach, Prolific Living Inc.

Make a Great Impression

Caren was new in her managerial role. She came to her new company from a creative and casual environment. Her reputation in her previous company was excellent. She came into the first meeting with her colleagues with her usual good humor, effervescent personality, and bursting with insights and new ideas. This didn’t go over well. Why? Her new setting was in a more conservative, low-key environment, where people dressed formally. Although Caren was hired for her creativity, ideas, and high energy – something the company needed – she turned off most everyone in the room. What happened? 

Caren didn’t pay attention to the “difference/credibility balance.”  What does this mean? A person can be as different from the norms present in the group culture in direct relationship to how much they are perceived as credible. Caren didn’t consider how she might earn credibility with key stakeholders before she could be influential and add value using her unique gifts and strengths. The question Caren didn’t ask was: “How do I dress and speak to earn credibility with this group?” 

What do you do to earn credibility when you are new to a group or organization? Here are three tips to build trust.

How can I dress, stand, and look to be aligned with my purpose and goal?

First impressions count! We make them in just fractions of a second through our dress, style, posture, energy, speaking voice, and gestures. 

Dress for what’s normal in the group. Be authentic to your style, but ensure you do not permit your clothing to be a distraction from the strengths and value you bring. It’s not only your dress, but also your posture, handshake and facial expressions that create your impression. Credibility can rest on your standing tall and straight, walking with grace and energy, a firm handshake and a warm smile. 

Are my voice and tone working to support my first impression?

The tone of your voice also plays a significant role in making an impression regarding trustworthiness, aggressiveness, and warmth. If you are a manager or leader, make sure the tenor of your voice uses the lower/deeper tones in your range. This generates trustworthiness as well as confidence. Be careful not to end your sentences on a higher note. Your statements can be mistaken as questions or uncertainty.

Have I prepared some questions to ask others, so I can get them talking before I do?

Letting the other person or people have the floor before you do gives you plenty of information to tailor your style. You get important information you need to establish your agenda and approach, and they also can feel better understood. Have a few questions ready that align with your purpose and goals. Whenever you are the one asking the questions, this establishes you as the leader. The most effective way to do this is to ask questions from authentic curiosity, giving time and silence for 5 seconds before saying something yourself.

-Andrea Zintz, President, Strategic Leadership Resources

Living with Intent

Yesterday, I sat down with Mallika Chopra, daughter of Deepak Chopra, and talked about life, happiness, and living with purpose and intent.

We filmed the interview at Erik Thomsen's beautiful gallery of Japanese art. Stay tune for more information about where and when it will air. 

Our conversation was so meaningful. We talked about framing intentions (the deep desires you want to manifest), very different from goals.  Intentions are connected to your soul path.

Letting go of bad habits, energy burners like guilt and perfection, all were topics discussed candidly. It was a pleaure being with another soul sister.

Mallika has a new book out Living with Intent: My Somewhat Messy Journey to Purpose, Peace, and Joy.

3 Things to Know to Get Them to Listen

I wish there was a Communication 101 course in every college program to teach the basics of workplace communication. I strongly believe if you know how to communicate, you can get anything you want in life, and yes, that includes at work. 

So how do you communicate what you want? Let's start by setting a foundation on which you can build your powerful communication techniques. Here are three things you must know before you speak:

Act as a leader. Whatever your role may be, if you see yourself as a leader, you can easily change the way you think and approach communication. Ask yourself: If I were a leader at my company, would I ask for what I want? For example, a raise? If the answer is yes, then consider how you would phrase it. How can you help your company achieve its goals, so they reward you? This shift in perspective is the first step to setting the right foundation.

Deliver results. We get so busy doing small tasks that may or may not have an impact, but take up too much time and energy. This is sometimes necessary, but often can be avoided in exchange for more impactful work. Scan your workday and identify activities that generate the highest impact and biggest results. This requires that you understand what "impact" means at your company and then always speak about your results. Never mention what you "do," but rather what you deliver.

Become a key player. Now that you are seeing yourself as a leader in your company and focusing on your impact, the next step is making your company's goals your goals. Quickly learn what matters to your manager and become a key instrument in delivering it. This will make you indispensable in the eyes of your company, and you will be seen as a true professional and leader. 

If you can build these three foundations and exercise them consistently, you will see a positive shift. You will get noticed, recognized, and you will get what you want by helping your company get what it wants.

-Farnoosh Brock, Business and Career Coach, Prolific Living Inc.

How to Find your Soul Mate

Spring is here—the season of renewal and rebirth, which means it’s time to dust off winter's gloom and start anew! Is there a special someone missing from your life? We spoke to relationship expert Arielle Ford, who gave us a step-by-step guide to finding and attracting your soul mate. 

Forgive the past. Start from a clean slate. Reflect on any past relationship mistakes, then let them go. This includes forgiving people who have hurt you. If your energy is spent being angry, you risk dragging the past into the future. This is your opportunity to start again.

Make a wish list. Focus on what really matters to you and what your heart needs to be happy. Instead think about the qualities you want your perfect partner to have. Arielle says, “Ask yourself—will this contribute to my long term happiness? It's more important that someone is kind and generous and loves animals, rather than how tall they are.”

Have a ritual. Arielle advises that after the list is written, give it away. The idea is that you're literally putting it out into the world. You can burn the list and scatter the ashes, or fold it up into a balloon to be released. “The whole point is to somehow say to the universe, I know and trust that the one I've asked for is already mine.” 

Make space. Now that you've asked for a new person in your life, trust that they're on the way and make space for them. Clear out a shelf in your bedroom, or pick one side of the bed to sleep on. These symbolic gestures show that you have room for the new. Most importantly, clear your home of memories with your ex! Put anything that reminds you of them in a box in the garage; don't let it take space in your life.

Be visible. Now that you've gotten yourself ready... go out there and meet people! This is the best and most important part. “Stop hiding on your couch,” Arielle says. “You need to be more visible. Remember there are plenty of good men out there. Never say, I’m too old, I'm too fat, they're all taken, etc. None of those statements are true.” This is the fun part, it’s time to meet new people and practice flirting. Learn how to be playful again! 

As our expert says, “The good news is: This process is easy, simple and fun! It just requires that you put a little energy, intention, and attention on your love life.”

We can get behind that! 

To get more of Arielle’s great advice, visit www.soulmatesecret.com. 

 

Enjoy your Holiday Weekend

Enjoy your holiday weekend!

Want more videos? Click this link, http://bit.ly/19TZQmN and subscribe to our YouTube channel.

Video Editor: Michelle Purpura

The Job Doctor on Letting Go

This week The Job Doctor gives a community member advice on how to let go of a job she loves in order to be closer to her family. See Helene's advice below. 

Have a question for The Job Doctor? Leave one in the YouTube comments!

Also, see advice on how to reinvent yourself after being in one career for too long.

Video Editor: Michelle Purpura

Why You Need to Speak Up at Meetings

So you’re apprehensive about speaking up at meetings? I was too. Even though I never saw myself as particularly shy, I was apprehensive about speaking at team meetings early in my corporate job. 

I felt that I had nothing to contribute, and I certainly did not want to say something that would sound foolish in front of the entire team. What if my question was an obvious one? What if my comment was unclear and seemed stupid to even one team member? What if I'm just supposed to listen in this meeting? I did not have a good answer, so that last question always brought on the bigger questions: What is my role in this meeting? What if my boss expects me to contribute and take ownership?

Because of this inner turmoil, I generally dreaded team meetings. This was the case for a good two years before I signed on with my mentor, a senior director from another department who had watched me since I arrived at the company. 

My mentor explained the importance of speaking up at meetings, communicating my thoughts, and stating my questions without doubt or shame. 

So, why bother speaking up at meetings? 

Because your management, she explained, needs to see you taking initiative and showing signs of leadership. If you stay quiet at team meetings, it can be construed as lack of interest, lack of attention, and lack of focus. 

So speaking up at meetings is not just an exercise in communication and interaction skills, it helps advance your career if you do it right. On that note, here are three tips to help you get the right level of engagement:

Always know your role in the meeting by asking your boss in advance. Then prepare according to that role for the meeting.
Always arrive early and speak to other team members. Ask how you can help and be helpful to them before the meeting even starts.
Listen well and ask helpful questions. Make offers to help your team members whenever appropriate in the conversation.

In summary, even if you are shy, you have much to contribute and for others to know this, you need to speak up. Pay attention at team meetings, stay engaged in the conversation even if you contribute at your own comfortable pace, and clarify your understanding of final decision points and commitment to action before the meeting is adjourned. 

Take it from an ex-corporate gal who climbed the ladder before jumping out of the corporate race: Your future career opportunities will appear much sooner and easier if you stick to these guidelines.

-Farnoosh Brock, Business and Career Coach, Prolific Living Inc.