Helene Lerner's Blog, page 85

Meet Our Career Coach for April: Farnoosh Brock

I'm really humbled to be your coach for the month of April. I'm Farnoosh Brock, a published author, speaker, career coach, as well as an avid yoga practitioner and world traveler. 

In 2011, I re-invented my life and career after 11+ years in the corporate world. During that time, I held a number of different positions such as customer support engineer, technical writer, project manager, process improvement manager, sales operations project lead, executive communication lead, and I managed and mentored a number of my fellow peers in the process. 

I feel fortunate that I cracked the code on climbing the corporate ladder, creating a successful career and enjoying many international assignments to Europe, Asia and the South Pacific. In 2011, I felt the urge to shift gears and start my own company. 

What I found was that while the corporate path had run its course, I loved coaching and helping other women create massive success in their careers. I resigned from my corporate job and became an entrepreneur, and since then, I've explored self-publishing, traditional publishing, speaking, coaching, podcasting, blogging, product creation and passive income streams. It's been a huge honor to be featured in Forbes, the BBC and the UK Guardian, among others, and I find that I am finally aligned with my life's purpose by serving clients who are mainly women in career transitions and women who want to start their own businesses as a second career or just as a side-hustle. 

I am passionate about helping you create your career success—whatever that may be for you—by communicating your desires and building the key relationships that spell out success for you every step of the way. In the next several weeks, I will be talking about key communication mishaps, myths that hold women back at the workplace, the importance of balance and self-care in your life, and the power of meditation and yoga in your career and creativity process. I’m looking forward to our conversations, and a big gratitude to Women Working for hosting me here.

-Farnoosh Brock, Business and Career Coach, Prolific Living Inc.

Holly Clegg's Quick and Easy Recipe: Blackened Fish

This quick and fast recipe from Holly Clegg is perfect for the busy working woman. This full-of-flavor dinner will be sure to impress, and remember, you can use any fresh fish, such as grouper, halibut, tilapia, trout, or catfish. 

Ingredients

2 tablespoons paprika 
1 teaspoon chili powder 
1/2 teaspoon dried thyme leaves 
1 teaspoon garlic powder 
1 teaspoon pepper 
1/2 teaspoon salt 
1 1/2 pounds fish fillets 
2 tablespoons olive oil

Instructions

In small bowl or plastic bag, combine all ingredients, except fish and oil. Coat both sides of fish with spice mixture.
In large nonstick skillet, heat oil over medium-high heat. Place fish in hot pan and cook 2-3 minutes on each side until fish flakes with fork.
Fish is done when center is white and opaque—no longer translucent. 

Adaped from Kitchen 101 Secrets to Cooking Confidence, by Holly Clegg, 2012

Think Like a Leader, Not a Manager!

Sometimes the difference between a manager and a leader is a shift in perception. Think of yourself two levels higher than where you are now. Start acting as if you’re there—dress the part, use power words, and offer insights that help move projects forward. As you’re doing this, heed these tips:

Come from strength. Take inventory of your strengths—actually make a list of them. Call to mind your current supervisor and managers—what else would they say about your strengths? Take this all in.

Don’t let fear hold you back. Your fear is probably grounded in a false belief about what will happen if you put yourself forward. With reflection you might find that your fear has been stripped of its power and that stepping up doesn’t seem as intimidating as before. 

Don’t play it safe. Take a smart risk. You’ll be out of your comfort zone, but leaders get comfortable with the uncomfortable. 

Adapted from The Confidence Myth: Why Women Undervalue Their Skills, and How to Get Over It, by Helene Lerner, Berrett-Koehler Publishers, 2015

The Job Doctor on BAD BOSSES

Our new feature, The Job Doctor, is here to answer your questions! This week Helene tackles tough topics like a boss who doesn't take a working mom seriously and how to deal with office gossip. See her advice below. 

Have a question for The Job Doctor? Leave one in the YouTube comments!

 

Video Editor: Michelle Purpura

 

Dare to Live Fully: Redefining Confidence

Helene's special guest this week is Laura Whitley, executive vice president, Bank of America. Laura's upbringing supported her to be courageous and gave her the ability to take on new challenges and trust her intuition. 

Here are some of the highlights from the program:

On getting comfortable with the uncomfortable…

LAURA: Being uncomfortable or having shaky knees is not a bad thing, it tells you that you’re about to embark upon a learning experience. Learning and growing is always good. 

On intuition…

Trusting your gut is really leveraging your experience. Intuition comes from many experiences and factors. I have trusted my gut in making important decisions. If the situation does not line up with what my instincts say, it tells me there’s something amiss and I need to understand [what’s really going on].

On being “totally”confident…

HELENE: I’ve interviewed high level leaders, and the idea of being totally confident in moving forward is just not real. These women wanted to make a difference, picked their issues and took some risks.

On taking on a new challenge…

If we’re pulling back, out of the fear that perhaps we don’t have enough skills in place to move forward, then we’re depriving people of our talent, and could pass up some great opportunities.

To hear more from Helene and Laura, click HERE.

SUBSCRIBE TO OUR ITUNES PODCAST, DARE TO LIVE FULLY, TO STAY UP TO DATE WITH THE LATEST EPISODES! 

The Energy You Bring to the Room

Have you ever noticed the people who walk into a room and bring with them energy you can feel? Perhaps it’s the energetic way they walk in, grab their chair, and sit down. Maybe they are announcing their arrival with a smile and a comment or greeting. In any case, one’s presence can be pleasant or negative. It can affect the others in the room. How does this occur? According to Matthew Lieberman in his book, Social: Why our Brains are Wired to Connect, his research as a neuroscientist concludes that our brains are hard-wired for being social. We have built-in radar for others’ energy. This is a powerful part of the first impressions we make with others in our presence. It has a large bearing on our reputation. It’s also part of our body image. How can we become more aware and in charge of the energy we bring into a room?

Energy arises from the inside out. According to Tony Schwartz of the Energy Project, the quality of your energy is a product of: 

Mental focus: learning to focus in an absorbed way and switching intentionally between tactical and big-picture thinking.
Physical health: comprised of sleep, fitness, nutrition, and intermittent daytime rest and renewal.
Emotional happiness: learning to cultivate the specific emotions associated with high performance, because how you feel profoundly influences how you perform.
Spiritual purpose: energy derived from serving something larger than yourself.

Oprah Winfrey said on her finale show: “Nobody but you is responsible for your life… You are responsible for the energy that you create for yourself, and you are responsible for the energy you bring to others.” A guest on her show sent her a sign she hung up outside her office door that says: Please take responsibility for the energy you bring into this space. Oprah said, “All life is energy and we are transmitting it at every moment. We are all beaming little signals, like radio frequencies, and the world is responding in kind.”

Here is how you can beam the most authentically positive energy whenever you walk into a room:

Attend to the four areas of energy: mental, physical, emotional and spiritual. 
Scan yourself for these four important energy sources to notice what requires more attention. Is it sleep, exercise, emotions, purpose and vision? Then, see what might make a meaningful difference.

Create a daily energy-building routine with simple techniques that build positive habits into your energy field.
Our energy field determines the state of our physical body. Replace the word “Body Image” with “Body Mindset.” This takes you from comparing the way you look to other people, and moves your focus to your energy and what your body can do. Short exercises, for less than 10 minutes per day, will help. Here is one for body image: Every day for 21 days, say or write down, “What I am grateful to my body for is _______, and why.” Where energy flows, our attention goes. 

Find what feels authentic for you in raising your energy. Give conscious attention to what you want to bring into the room before you enter it.
Here are five energizing practices you can use before you enter:

Speak with a colleague or friend who gives you a lift with their humor and positive energy. Since we are hard-wired to be social, this energy is contagious!
Close your eyes and notice how you feel. Is there tension that is robbing your energy? Get in touch with your emotion and notice the need behind it. 
Imagine the place you find most positively energizing – perhaps relaxing and beautiful.
Check your posture. Are you standing straight and tall or are you slouched? Your posture and walk affect your energy.
Take slow, deep breaths as you remember your purpose or goal. Visualize yourself making progress.

-Andrea Zintz, Career Coach, President, Strategic Leadership Resources

Body Image: How to Change our Beliefs

Our minds are truly amazing! Due to advances in neuroscience, scientists now know so much more about how the brain truly functions. In previous blogs, I have referred to some of this research about how our subconscious mind has a partnership with our conscious mind. This new knowledge enables us to use simple techniques for better thinking. When we think more clearly for our own well being, we can experience an ever-happier life. The way we view our bodies is a big part of how we feel when we look in the mirror and bring our presence to work. But, can you modify your beliefs and your strategies? Yes! This is all available to you with what your conscious mind can do.

Known as neuroplasticity, scientific findings show we all have an innate ability to restructure the gray matter of our brains with our conscious-mind. We can consciously alter our beliefs and our strategies. However, for these conscious alterations to become integrated into our subconscious mind, we must consciously practice this new belief.

Emotional reactions usually stem from your assumptions about how life “ought to be,” not from actual events. Awareness of the power you have to change your beliefs and strategies provides the presence of mind to see the assumptions and false beliefs before you make decisions.

Using self-observation, awareness, and self-questions, here are 4 steps to shift your beliefs and strategies in a more positive direction. These are based on research by neuroscientist, Dr. Jeffrey Schwartz.

Notice your automatic responses to yourself as learned brain-strategies that you can change.

This step requires you be non-judgmental about your responses. You are not weak, inferior or defective as a human being. Your brain is hard-wired to love solving problems and to face and resolve challenges. Our thoughts are simply learned patterns that can be unlearned. Those old embarrassments from your adolescent years may have been translated into judgmental beliefs about your body and mind. They could be distorted perspectives.

Ask yourself, “Is this response true about me? How might I view this same quality in my best friend?” You always have the option, to choose the thoughts, emotions, actions you want to express instead. 

For example, when I looked in the mirror and noticed the wrinkles on my upper lip, my hyper-focus on this quality of my face was coupled with the assessment that I’m looking old. This brought on sadness about becoming “old” and less attractive. I knew this was a distortion. How? When I notice small wrinkles on the faces of my friends, I don’t make the same judgments about their faces that I make about mine.

Re-frame the assessment the way you might if you were another person.

Reframe a certain thought or self-assessment so you can clearly see what is true and what is not true. Step back and separate yourself as someone different from the belief or assessment. When you do, you have a clearer picture of what you can change, and what you have no choice about. When you see a distortion, use a descriptive word that resonates with you and calls your attention in a profound way. 

For example, I called the wrinkles above my lip a sign that I’m old a “big lie” and a “misguided belief.” This consciously shifts my focus to something opposite from what my brain has been automatically been doing. This step puts the power in your conscious mind and develops your innate ability to choose your responses to life.

Refocus your perception of yourself on what you consciously prioritize and most value.

Think about your life and what you most value. See your body, mind and spirit as aligned to what you most want to create in your life. Ask yourself, “How do I want to feel about myself? What perspective aligns with what matters most to me? What does my body do for me that helps me achieve what matters?” Your answers to these questions will galvanize your subconscious mind and sharply focus your energy on creating thoughts, ideas, and actions that align with your highest purpose.

My answers to my inquiry were my yearning for wisdom, grace and beauty. When I decided to change my belief about “old,” I changed how I felt. I made a powerful shift to decide that the changes in my face were indications of wisdom and beauty. After all, I saw those qualities in other women I admired. Then, I began to feel appreciative and my confidence improved.

Take action to express your commitment to this priority or value.

This step is about what you say and do (your behavior). You have to think differently and also perform differently instead of the old way. This means changing what you say to yourself and about yourself to others. This may mean catching yourself in “I’m sorry” and pausing. Do this by giving your brain new things to do. This is where the change in brain chemistry occurs, where you are creating new neural patterns with your new mindset. Action is key. Actions tell your subconscious mind that the first three steps matter to you.

By consistently taking action, changing the old or habitual response you used, you are consciously self-directing changes in your brain. These changes will make it increasingly easier for you to shift your beliefs about your body image, especially situations that normally trigger you. The more you practice a behavior, the more likely your subconscious mind will integrate it as habit. You have learned to change your beliefs!

The best outcome is that you get to consciously choose what you will create or change as you develop a kinder and more positive body image.

-Andrea Zintz, Career Coach, President, Strategic Leadership Resources

Can't Sleep? Try These Strategies

Quality and quantity go hand in hand when it comes to sleep. If you sleep deeply (quality), but for just a few hours a night (lack of quantity), your brain and body don’t get what they need to rejuvenate. If, on the other hand, you spend plenty of time in bed at night, but the quality of sleep is poor—you’ll have the same problems. You deserve to be well rested and to sleep in peace for the appropriate amount of time. 

Thought for the Day

Fake it till you make it. Whenever someone asks you how you sleep, respond that you sleep like a baby. You’ll create a new story about yourself, and that will make it into a reality. 

Affirmation

“I drift off into a deep restful slumber with ease. My dreams take me on beautiful joyful journeys. I wake feeling well rested and energized.” 

Bedtime Practice

While you are lying in bed tonight, take a moment to examine the quality of your thoughts. Sometimes when I’m going to bed I realize that I have to get up early and I won’t get all the sleep I know I need. I start thinking about how sleepy I’m going to be in the morning, and I have to catch myself, because I know this sort of thinking can disrupt the quality of sleep that I do have available. Instead, I say an affirmation: “I am going to wake up easily, feeling awake and alive. I am going to have a perfect night of sleep.” 

Bedtime Writing Exercise

Keep a notebook and a pen by your bed, and use it as a safe holding place for your thoughts. If you find your mind racing at bedtime, write down any to-dos, worries, ideas, or goals. Trust that they’ll be waiting right there for you tomorrow. For now you can rest easy. 

Sleep Strategies 

If you have trouble sleeping, try the following tips to improve your snooze time: 

Don’t exercise within three hours of bedtime.
Avoid alcohol in the evenings (it might make you feel sleepy, but it actually interrupts sleep).
Don’t consume caffeine after 2 PM.
Check that your medications don’t interfere with sleep. 
Establish a regular bedtime and wake-up time, and stick to it. 
If you nap, keep it to under an hour per day. 
Cooler bedroom temperatures promote sleep. 
Remove or cover lights, glowing screens, or lit displays.
Use a white-noise maker or a fan if outside noises keep you up. 
Get black-out curtains if daylight or outside lights are an issue. 
Allow only sleep and intimacy in the bedroom; do all other activities in other areas of the house. 

 Adapted from Mind Your Body, by Joel Harper, Harper One, 2015

Our Presence, Our Body Image

We are always complaining about our bodies! 

I am too tall, too fat, too thin, or too short. Our hair is too thin, too straight, too kinky, or too curly. Rarely do we hear someone say, “My body is fabulous!” “My body is beautiful.” “My body works.” “My body takes me through life.” Body image is the way you see yourself and imagine how you look. Having a positive body image means that, most of the time, you see yourself accurately, you feel comfortable in your body, and you feel good about the way you look. I have been especially interested in this topic over the last six months. Why? I am aware of it myself, and I have two daughters who I’ve observed through their development—and their suffering. 

Women develop much of their self-esteem through girlhood. 

We develop our image and identity. These experiences stay with us through adulthood. Face it; girlhood was mostly a rough time for everyone. We often think we are the only ones that feel that way. However, during a women's meeting on this topic yesterday, high school-aged young women staged a beautiful performance for us that expressed this painful period of our lives. They started it with a survey of 11-year-old girls as to whether they would rather be fat or lose an arm. They answered they would rather lose an arm. A sad but often true condition of a young girl’s psychology. 

How does this play out as adults? 

The image we hold of our body makes a difference to our treatment of it. The image we see in the mirror may be a real or distorted view of who we are. Based on this view, we create either a positive or a negative self-image. Self-image is important because how we think about ourselves affects how we feel about ourselves and how we interact with the world around us. A positive self-image can enhance our physical, mental, social, emotional, and spiritual well-being. Conversely, a negative self-image can decrease our satisfaction and ability to function in these areas.

Women have a wonderful superpower—our emotional and intuitive connection with others and ourselves.

How can we rewire our self-image, so it serves our health and well-being, our best thinking, and the quality of our energy, so we feel joy when we look in the mirror? During our passage through adolescence, we processed our individual and social experiences through self-reflection and expression and came through with an authentic presence as adults.

As adults, we continually take in information and evaluate ourselves in multiple situations. We ask ourselves: “How do I look?” We evaluate our performance: “How am I doing?” We assess ourselves in relationships: “How important am I?” With a positive self-image, we recognize and own our assets and potentials while being realistic about our liabilities and limitations. With a negative self-image, we focus on our faults and weaknesses, distorting failure and imperfections.

During the wonderful performance of these young women, the audience—myself included—was crying. We saw our unresolved pain and unanswered questions reflected in the messages, movements, and songs from our pasts. During our discussion afterward, we shared our varied reactions to what we experienced. We left feeling more powerful and connected.

How can we improve our leadership presence? How can each of us call attention to body image for ourselves in a positive way? My blogs for the remainder of March will address: 

Making conscious modifications to our beliefs and strategies: questions we ask ourselves, and our self-talk.
Making improvements to our body image through eating and exercise, our use of energy and sleep.
Dressing in accordance with our objectives, and using the “Eccentricity Ratio” as our guide.
Using our voice to carry our message powerfully—to achieve the greatest impact.

-Andrea Zintz, Career Coach, President, Strategic Leadership Resources

Straight Talk at JPMorgan Chase

Great event today. I sat down and had a fireside chat with Sam Saperstein, the Chief Marketing Officer for Commercial Banking, JPMorgan Chase. 

I was so impressed with the women in the audience. The questions they asked were authentic and right on target. Emily, my web editor, and our intern Michelle were there too, and recorded some key insights. 

Helene: Get comfortable with the uncomfortable. If you’re uncomfortable, it means you’re growing. 

Sam: My rule is, get your hand up in the first 10 minutes of a meeting. 

Helene: As long as you know who you are, you can use the language that the other person is comfortable with. That’s effective communication. 

Sam: Every boss I’ve had has had a different style. You need to be able to flip quickly. 

Helene: There’s no one who doesn’t make a mistake. We all do. Don’t buy into self-condemnation. Learn the lesson and move on. 

Helene and Sam take questions from the audience.