Helene Lerner's Blog, page 103
August 28, 2014
Doing Your Best Despite Resistance
We teach our kids to do what’s right. This includes treating others fairly, and to expect to be treated fairly ourselves in return.
Some of the hardest discussions I’ve had with my daughter over the years have come around her frustration that this basic rule doesn’t seem to apply in the world today. The news is full of stories about discrimination based on race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, or other similar factors. And in the workplace, we still see much too much inequity based on gender.
What can you as an individual do to navigate this? Here are a few thoughts.
Start by doing great work. Always be proud of the work you do, and make sure what you do adds value to the organization.
Take time to blow your own horn. There’s no music if you don’t make it, so be sure others know about the important work you do.
Look to leaders for guidance. If you feel you are not being treated fairly, speak to your manager or to their manager. Be prepared to present your case and to do this in a calm, cool manner. No emotions, just the facts, ma’am.
We’re in this together. As women, we need to be better about helping each other succeed. Seek out other women, ask their advice, and support them in their careers. Many organizations have affinity groups for women. This is a great place to discuss your situation with others who may share your concern and be able to offer useful counsel.
Understand the power of the Web. What’s on the Internet, is enduring, not endearing. Be careful what and where you post about your specific job-related issues. But take advantage of the expertise, wisdom, and community you can find on the Web.
Sometimes you just need to move on. Sisyphus in Greek legend kept rolling a boulder uphill forever, but you don’t have to. If you’re in a situation where you don’t feel you’re being treated fairly and there is little hope for resolution or advancement, leave. If a business you patronize is not treating women fairly, let them know. Find another place to shop. We send an important message when we vote with our feet and our dollars.
The world keeps moving. If we don’t keep moving with it, we’ll wind up further behind. Try to work from within to effect change, but if that doesn’t work, take the actions you need to keep your career moving forward. It’s the best way to be fair to yourself.
We Are All Michael Brown and Darren Wilson
As a white mother of a 20-year-old son and a 17-year-old daughter, I have had conversations with my children about respecting elders, respecting authority, making smart decisions, and not causing trouble. But a pivotal moment occurred for me during a discussion about the Trayvon Martin situation. I found out that my friends who are African-American, Hispanic, Asian, Indian, Muslim, have a more unique conversation with their children.
The conversations have a similar theme about respecting authority but the advice is far more specific and it focuses on survival---staying alive. These conversations, called “the talk,” have occurred for many generations. The advice provided includes:
Turn all the lights on inside your car if you are pulled over
Keep your hands where they can be seen
Do not make sudden movements
Ask for permission to retrieve your driver’s license and registration
Don’t talk back to the police
Don’t ask for help
“The talk” occurs regardless of socioeconomic status and education. Friends I have spoken with remember exactly when they received “the talk.” They also share humiliating stories about interactions with police--being detained in airports, being followed while shopping, among other things.
As a Chief Diversity Officer, these stories saddened me tremendously and made me realize that we need many more conversations so that we understand each other’s experiences and perspectives, and create a different version of “the talk.”
I worry about the social conditioning that occurs with multiple generations hearing “the talk” and understanding the applicability in the workplace. Does a continual reminder to respect authority, remain quiet, and keep your hands in sight result in a focus on fitting in rather than “leaning in” as Sheryl Sandberg suggests?
Each of us is shaped by our life experiences which influence the majority of our day-to-day decisions. We tend to like people who look like us, think like us and come from similar backgrounds. Whether it is a life-or-death situation, or an employment decision (hiring, promotion, performance evaluation rating, or termination), our unconscious bias may blind our decision making.
The situation in Ferguson, MO where Michael Brown was killed by police officer Darren Wilson, requires a call to action that will significantly change our life experiences and re-wire our brains so that we become self-aware and recognize our own unconscious biases.
Specific steps that each of us can take to create change are:
1. Become self-aware. The Implicit Association Test, developed by Harvard Business School, is an effective tool for testing our own unconscious bias (www.implicit.harvard.edu).
2. Create open dialogue opportunities. During staff meetings, personal encounters, or at large venues, create an environment where transparent conversations are encouraged about uncomfortable, controversial topics.
3. Purposefully become “one of the only” or “one of a few.” Put yourself in situations where you are different from others around you.
4. Seek to understand. Educate yourself by reading books, articles and attending museums and movies about different cultures, and perspectives.
5. Ask for feedback. Ask people of different backgrounds for honest feedback about your style as a leader. Get their opinions about what you can do to become more inclusive.
-Sharon Orlopp, Global Chief Diversity Officer, Walmart
August 27, 2014
What You Need to Know About Age Stereotypes
There’s a lot of buzz out there about generational differences. Baby Boomers have one way of looking at things, Generation X has another, and those Millennials—well, they’re a totally different breed altogether.
While there may be some truths in these suppositions, eying your coworkers, managers, or customers only through a generational lens may be quite limiting.
For example, yes, it’s true that Millennials were born digital natives. This is the first generation that has grown up with the Web, Mobile devices, and social media from the time they were children. However, that doesn’t mean that anyone over 30 is a digital has-been. Many Boomers have been adopting technology at high rates and are likely to be nearly as digitally savvy as their younger colleagues.
Furthermore, not all members of any group will act the same. Some will be more motivated on the job. Others will be looking for satisfaction outside the work environment.
Some will be parents; others will not. Of the parents, some will be extremely focused and career minded; others will not. There’s no one-size-fits-all model here.
It’s important to look beyond the generational stereotypes and see the people around you as individuals. Learn what matters to your coworkers. There will be some people who would prefer to communicate via text messages. Others will prefer email and still others phone conversations or video chats. This may be as much a style preference as it is a generational issue.
If you are in a customer-facing role, get to know your customers as well as you can. What’s on their minds when they come to see you? What issues might they be dealing with that might impact how they interact with you and your organization? How can you be seen as adding value and helping them?
Avoid the temptation to treat people exactly the way you would like to be treated (the Golden Rule). As it turns out, many people will want to be treated differently from the way you might in a similar situation. Instead, go for the Platinum Rule: Treat people the way they would like to be treated—regardless of their generation.
August 26, 2014
Intuition as a Business Edge
In doing research for a book that will be out next year on women and confidence, I realized that, although intuition is often associated with women, we're not using it more than men in business. And intuition can be our business edge.
It certainly was for a friend and colleague of mine, Satya Scainetti, of Satya Jewelry. I admire her business sense and I met with her recently and asked her about it.
What led you to found Satya Jewelry?
My degrees are in Early Childhood Education and social work. And it wasn’t until later on that I felt like, “I need to do more.” I didn’t know what that was, so I ventured out on a yoga retreat for 30 days to become a yoga teacher and learn more about the practice of yoga because it was so profound and helpful in my life. While I was there, everything unfolded. And the last day—well this is a little out there—I was given the name Satya, which means truth.
That night I had a dream that I was going to design jewelry and donate money to children around the world. It was a powerful dream and I called my best friend and said, “I have an idea, let's do this together,” and we were incorporated within seven days.
How has your intuition helped you make your business successful?
I believe our intuition is amped up probably ten to twentyfold more than men. When we’re young, we’re told, “You can’t. No, that’s not true,” so we stop trusting that intuitive hit.
I tapped into it with my very strong yoga and meditation practice. I believe inside we all know what is right. We feel it, it comes from the heart. I’ve run this business from my intuition. I don’t have a business degree. My intuition has always been right. Our business is still going strong 12 years later, we’re growing.
My foundation is one of the avenues that I’m going to be putting a lot more energy into because there’s so much to do. And that’s my intuitive self saying, “Make it happen, Satya, you can do it.”
We are having a drawing--one lucky person will receive a Satya bracelet. Enter by joining our website network before 5pm eastern, Friday, August 29. This is for U.S. residents only.
August 25, 2014
What to do When Co-Workers Are Toxic
In the best of all worlds, we’d all have an enjoyable and well-paying job, a fantastic manager, and helpful and supportive co-workers.
Unfortunately, real life is not always that simple. Things get a lot more complicated when you have a job you like with a good manager—but difficult co-workers.
We expect that some days we’ll run into individuals who are unreasonable, unhelpful, or just generally unhappy. The problem comes when this happens on a recurring basis with people you need to interact with in order to do your job properly.
Sometimes you’ll wind up in a situation where your co-workers aren’t just disagreeable, they’re downright toxic. This includes individuals who refuse to do their part of a project or task, as well as those who seem to always be missing in action when needed. It also includes people who become argumentative when discussing a work-related issue and those who put up roadblocks so you can’t properly do your job.
It’s important to remember that, although you can’t control other people’s actions, you can control your reactions to their behavior. Try not to be sucked into someone else’s issues or negativity. Take the higher ground and avoid arguments whenever possible. Give others the benefit of the doubt, just as you’d like for them to do for you.
Start by trying to present your point of view calmly and logically. Let your colleague know that you appreciate her viewpoint, but you’d like to be able to work this out so you can both accomplish your objectives. Ask her to propose ideas to resolve the conflict, then listen to her input and see if you can find common ground.
If this doesn’t work, you may need to bring in reinforcements. Work with others on a project team to come to a consensus on how to proceed—even without the support of a lone dissenting team member. Work around someone who throws up ongoing obstacles by finding another way to get things done.
Don’t be afraid to go to your manager for help. Try not to be defensive when you explain the situation. Ask for her advice and support to move forward. Often, she may be able to provide insight or give you language that allows you to approach this from a new perspective. There are times when you may need her to get more directly involved and talk to the employee in question or to her manager.
One important note: If a toxic co-worker at any time threatens or harasses you, or you feel they may be a danger to you or others, do NOT tolerate this behavior. Speak to your manager, your HR representative, or someone on the security team, as appropriate.
August 22, 2014
What Makes a Best Friend?
Our community has been enjoying our videos, so we created a new one on a topic that's important to you--best friends. Take a look.
Video Editor--Chloe Motisi
Music Provided By: Jerry Sterling - Good Mood Song
Best of Jerry Sterling 1997-2014
August 21, 2014
Five Quotes to Energize Your Day
We loved these wonderful quotes and wanted to share them with our community. Enjoy!
“Without leaps of imagination, or dreaming, we lose the excitement of possibilities. Dreaming, after all, is a form of planning.” ~Gloria Steinem
“The most important thing you will ever do is become who you are meant to be. Blossom into yourself.” ~Lisa Hammond
“People are like stained glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is light from within.” ~Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
“Treat yourself to the sweetest joy of dreaming of beautiful things, a fabulous job, a fulfilling relationship.” ~Amanda Ford
“Learn how to trust your own judgment, learn inner independence, learn to trust that time will sort good from bad—including your own bad.” ~Doris Lessing
August 20, 2014
How to Stop Being Afraid of Success
Most of us are familiar with the fear of failure. What if I don’t do what others expect of me? What if I make a terrible mistake or I’m not able to do my job effectively? Will I really be able to balance both a career and a personal life?
Those are all real fears. But I also find that in the workplace, many people suffer just as much from a fear of success.
Success brings a different set of life experiences and challenges. What happens if I’m really successful? How will my life change? Will I be expected to deliver even more and more—until I finally fall flat on my face and fail?
Many of us also face something called the “Imposter Syndrome.” We go about our lives each day, doing perfectly fine, but deep inside we don’t feel qualified for the position we hold or the compensation we receive. Inside, we’re afraid that we’re just not as good as we pretend to be. Eventually, we’ll be exposed as imposters.
I’m surprised by how many very successful men and women tell me they feel like imposters. This includes executives and leaders and people who are highly respected in their fields. These are people we would turn to as role models.
Unless you’ve faked your credentials or you’re lying about your qualifications, in most cases this is a simple self-esteem issue. We’ve been conditioned to believe we can only achieve so much. When we go beyond that, we start to question if we really deserve what we get.
My mentor, Alan Weiss, says that your first sale is always to yourself. That’s true whether you are an actual salesperson, or you’re selling an idea or a project to your colleagues and peers. If you don’t believe in yourself, how will others believe in you?
One way to overcome the fear of success is to envision exactly what success looks like. If you get the big promotion you’ve been working towards, how will life change? You may have a bigger salary, a better title, a nicer office, more interesting projects. But you might also need to work longer hours, attend more meetings, or give up some of the tasks you enjoy doing now. If you’ll be promoted from within, you’ll have a different set of peers. Maybe you’ll even have to manage some of your former colleagues. How will that feel?
Fear of success is just as real as fear of failure. And, like many other fears, it will lose much of its scariness if you can bring it out from the shadows and look at what’s bothering you in the light of day.
August 19, 2014
What Does Your Boss Really Want?
Your boss may give you a list of tasks to accomplish, or a due date for a project. She may tell you what meetings to attend or where she needs you to represent the organization. There may be reports to complete or courses to attend. Often, there are conflicting deadlines or priorities.
As a long-time people manager, I can tell you that although all of those things are necessary parts of the job, they’re not what your boss REALLY wants from you. There’s a whole other layer of expectations that are usually left unsaid. However, left undone, they can unravel a career.
Yes, you need to complete the tasks required of you—that’s a given. But what your boss wants from you goes beyond that.
She wants to know she can count on you. This means that you will do what you say you will, when you say you will have it done. You won’t agree to commitments then just not come through.
She wants to know when things are going off track. Good managers want to know when issues arise, long before the whole project goes south. They want a heads up that there’s an issue that might impact quality, delivery, or customer satisfaction.
She wants solutions, not just problems. Whenever possible, come to a manager with a proposed solution (or multiple solutions), rather than just raising an issue. You may need your boss to make an executive decision on how to proceed, but give her some options to choose from.
She want you to manage her. This may sound counterintuitive, but a good boss expects you to know how to work with her to get what you need. If your boss is very visual, that might mean showing her in writing how something will work. If she’s oral, don’t send long documents. Have a discussion where you get to the point. Understand how your boss works and play to her strengths.
She wants to feel she can trust you. This means more than just delivering on tasks. It means you are honest and have integrity. It also means you have good business judgment and can be trusted to act in an appropriate manner to represent your organization, both within the company and externally.
She wants you to know she’s human. That means she’s prone to mistakes, just like you and I are. She’ll have off days or times when she’s distracted by a personal issue. She’d appreciate being given the benefit of the doubt in these situations, just like you’d want her to do for you.
Give your boss what she really needs and you may find you’re getting more of what you need from your work relationships in return.
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