Helene Lerner's Blog, page 107

Why You Need to Lead Like a Coach

In my workshop “Leader as Coach,” I help managers and executives to think like a coach and instruct them on how to use coaching tools to maximize their team’s performance and potential. You might not be a coach, but that doesn’t mean you can’t think like one and have greater influence and impact on others. Here are three tips for adapting a coaching mindset:

Coaching is about the client, not the coach: If you coached your boss, your team or your colleagues, your job would be to help them achieve their goals in a way that’s faster and easier. How? By asking them what their priorities are and offering to be of help in some way. Even if they don’t need your help right now, they will appreciate your interest and offer. When it comes time for you to be promoted, the connections and good will you create will serve you well.

Coaching is more about asking questions and listening than supplying answers: Instead of trying to dazzle others with what you know, help them discover their brilliance and come to their own solutions. There will be times when sharing your knowledge and offering solutions is appropriate. However, if you really want to stand out, think like a coach and help others think more deeply, consider other perspectives and come to their own conclusions. They will feel empowered and you will build a reputation for helping others develop their potential.

Coaching is all about results: Companies and individuals hire me as a coach for one reason--to help them create greater and more dramatic results. That’s how you should view your role as an employee. You don't get paid to put in eight or ten hours a day on your job. You’re paid to achieve the results that are important to your boss and your company. Find out what your boss’s priorities are (and those of his or her boss) and focus your talent and energy there. Let others complain about what needs to change in the company—while you become known as the person who achieves the results your boss wants.
 
-Alan Allard, Career Coach

How to Tap into Your Strength

Our online community has been enjoying our inspirational videos. Finding your inner strength is a topic you've let us know you're interested in, so we created a new video on the subject. Take a look.

Video Editor--Chloe Motisi

Why You Need to Compliment Yourself

Last week, I was reading a book when my doorbell rang. By the time I opened the door, Kelly, my neighbor was walking away. I called out to her and she looked relieved to find someone home—she had locked her car keys inside her SUV while it was still running in her garage. Fortunately, her passenger window was cracked open enough to get a coat hanger inside to try to pull the lock open. Thirty-five long minutes later, Kelly was happily driving off to meet friends for a Fourth of July barbecue celebration.

Kelly was very appreciative of course that I was able to help her and she expressed her gratitude multiple times. As you know, being appreciated and complimented is always nice. But I’m not telling you this story to point out the benefits of hearing positive things from others. The fact is that I had the pleasure of hearing positive words from two people—Kelly and myself. The fact is that after Kelly told me what a great neighbor I was, I told myself the same thing.

Some might think that strange or even a little narcissistic. I think it’s healthy--but I didn't always think that way. Years back, I would have never complimented myself for helping someone out. Doing so would never have entered my mind and it wouldn't have felt normal. What felt “normal” was to criticize myself when I made a mistake. In fact, it was routine for me to notice and point out my faults and shortcomings. But to compliment myself or to say something positive about a good trait or for helping someone out in a small way? No, that would just seem weird.

Why is that? If it seems natural to say affirming things to others, why isn’t it natural to compliment ourselves? It might not feel natural for you to do that, but it’s quite healthy. Here are two tips to make it natural for you to say positive things to yourself:

Give to yourself what you want from others. We all want to be appreciated—it’s a basic need. If you want more appreciation, start by giving it to yourself—on a regular basis. The funny thing is, the more you do for yourself what you want others to do for you, the less you will need it from others. Then, when it happens, it will be a bonus.

Do it even (or especially) if it makes you feel uncomfortable. You don’t have to tell anyone about this; you can keep it to yourself if you like. When you get more comfortable with saying supportive things about yourself, you will find it to be one of the easiest and healthiest ways to give yourself a boost of positive energy.

-Alan Allard, Career Coach

How to be Free

Our community has been enjoying our videos. Since tomorrow is July 4th, we created a great, new one about how to be free. Take a look!

Video Editor--Chloe Motisi

Get Savvy About Generational Myths

Whether you manage employees across generations or you interact with them in the workplace as individual contributors, much has been made about “generational differences.” I refer to this as a myth, not because I don’t believe there are differences when we look at entire groups of a generation, but because of these two reasons: (1) Labels are generalizations and quickly fail us when we apply them to individuals. (2) Labels give us the impression that we understand the person we are labeling.

Here’s an example:

If “Bob” is a baby boomer and he is told he will now be reporting to “LaShawn,” a Millennial, what is Bob going to think? If he’s reading much of what is written about Millennials, he’s likely to think, “Could it get any worse? Now I have a boss that grew up feeling entitled, who has no loyalty to our company and who’s going to be expecting me to praise her management skills every day.”

If that’s how Bob thinks, that would be a mistake.

LaShawn might be thinking, “Could it get any worse? Now I have to manage someone who is behind the times, afraid of technology and expecting me to give my life to the company even if that means sacrificing my family, friends or health.”

If that’s how LaShawn thinks, that would be a mistake

What should Bob and LaShawn be thinking then? More importantly, what should you and I be thinking as we work with and even socialize with those from a different generation? Here are my three tips for connecting across all generations:

Drop the labels. Labels give us the impression that we understand the person we label. Labels are also generalizations full of assumptions and that can be disastrous when it comes to communication. Instead of seeing someone at work as Gen Z, Traditionalist or Baby Boomer, why not see them as an individual?
 
Get to know the person. If we begin with the intent to get to know each other as individuals, we are off to a much better start. I know many Baby Boomers who are on the cutting edge of technology and I know many Millennials who have an incredible work ethic and who hate being praised at the drop of a hat.
 
Learn from everybody. When we get to know each other as individuals, we can learn what each other’s strengths are and learn from each other. Whatever differences we have are an asset, not a problem to be blown out of proportion. If we decide to view each other with respect and ask questions, we will all come out ahead.

-Alan Allard, Career Coach

What to do if You're "Too Nice"

Roberta was promoted five years ago because of her excellent work and because she was considered a "team player." Now as a manager, her team members describe her as "wicked smart," quick to share credit and they find her management style to be easy-going. They would also point out that Roberta obviously cared about them as people, not just as employees. So far,
so good. However, in our coaching first session, Roberta asked me why I thought she has been passed over for the last two promotions she was considered for.

My reply wasn't what Roberta wanted to hear. I said," Let's talk about what I learned from interviewing your team, your peers and your boss before your coaching began. They all gave you high marks in many important areas, but there was one thing they all suggested you needed to work on. I was consistently hearing that you are just 'too nice.'" Then I explained to Roberta what that meant in behavioral terms.

It meant that Roberta had difficulty saying "No" to requests from her peers, she didn't challenge her team enough and she struggled in holding them accountable. To make matters worse, Roberta hated giving her team or colleagues "negative feedback," something every manager or even team member has to do from time to time. When it came to her boss, Roberta couldn't imagine having a conflict with him, even when she clearly thought he was making a mistake. In short, Roberta suffers from the "Too Nice Syndrome."

If you think you overdo it in the being nice department or know someone who does, here are three tips for you.

Get feedback from trusted sources. Ask trusted colleagues, friends and family members to assess your "Niceness Quotient."  Is it too little, too much or just right? Tell the ones you seek
feedback from that you don't want them to be "nice" in their feedback; you want them to be honest with you. Ask them for examples if they think you're often too nice, let others take advantage of you, go far beyond the "extra mile" or if you just try too hard to please others.

Learn to say "no" and mean it. Start with the small things and work your way up to the bigger things. Get comfortable with declining a social event or an after-work meet-up. Start saying "no" to family members and friends who find it all too easy to ask favors of you. At work, when someone asks you "Do you have a minute?" and you don't, simply say, "You know, I really don't, maybe another time."

Refuse to be responsible for other people's emotions. Will others be frustrated or even a little angry with you when you begin to set boundaries, say what's on your mind or not listen to them complain for the tenth time about the same thing? Yes, they will. Get comfortable with
others not always being comfortable with your assertive-versus overly nice responses to them. That's their problem, not yours.

-Alan Allard, Career Coach
www.alanallard.com

Career Coach: Welcome to July

Hello! I'm Alan Allard, and I'll be your career coach for the month of July. This month will be all about you, but before we get started, you might want to know a few things about me as well. 

For the past eight years, I have worked as a consultant, executive coach, speaker, trainer and life coach. My current work deals with helping companies, teams, and individuals thrive in challenging times by improving performance and building resilience. I have a master’s and a doctorate in counseling and I spent 12 years working in private practice as a psychotherapist. I also wrote a book called Seven Secrets to Happiness!, which can be purchased here. On a personal note, I am married to my high school sweetheart and we have two incredible daughters (as well as two equally incredible sons-in-law).

Over the next few weeks, we'll be taking a look at what you can do to increase your success, fulfillment and happiness—both in your career and in your overall life. Please let me know in the comments if if there are any specific topics you'd like me to address. Thanks, and I look forward to another great month!

-Alan Allard, Career Coach

How to be Joyful

Our community has been enjoying our quote videos, so we made a great, new one to share on how to be joyful. Take a look.

Video Editor--Heath Robbins

 

 

 

What You Need to do to Handle Life's Surprises

[image error]

Life threw you a curveball. Maybe you received news of a health issue, a demotion at work, or a relocation. How do you deal with the unexpected?

Whether the change has a positive or negative effect on your life, change can be stressful. Here are some tips for managing the unexpected:

Take inventory. Know what actually happened and what the implications of the change will be on your life and the lives of your loved ones. How big of an impact will it make? What steps do you need to take to lower the impact of the unexpected change? What resources or support will you need? Not all changes will actually make a big difference in your life overall, when you look at the big picture. Several months after the change occurs, you may notice that you are not all that much worse off. You may even find that the big change made way for something even better.

Learn from others. Perhaps it’s a conversation with a good friend, or it’s outlined in the book of a best-selling author. Educate yourself in tactics for dealing with the change, and move forward in order to:

Develop a plan. What must you do in order to deal with the change most effectively? What adjustments will you need to make? Where in your schedule can you sacrifice time to deal with the change? How will you provide nurturing and self-care for yourself as you work through it? What do you need to do to move on with your life?

Manage your emotions. How does the change make you feel? Confused, disappointed, inadequate, resentful, subservient? Scared, anxious? Elated, excited? Competent? Pressured?
Identify your feelings and use your previous experiences in dealing with those emotions as a tool for developing ways to manage your emotions in the present. Learn what you need to do to in order to feel balanced and in control, in spite of the unexpected change.

See the opportunity. Understand that by our very nature, humans change constantly. We are organic--we change. While the change you are experiencing may be unexpected, look for the opportunities that are presented. Even if the situation seems wrought with misfortune, consider what possibilities might be waiting in the wings. Perhaps the unexpected change will lead you to a great idea, a new friend, or a fantastic resource that improves the overall quality of your life. Adapt and revel in your resilience.

Victoria Crispo, Career Coach, Career Services USA

Do You Endorse Yourself Enough?

Do you take into account the many things you do in a week?

Do you feel the impact of your actions, especially your random acts of kindness?

Do you appreciate where you have come from, and where you are now?

Do you "coach" yourself to win, giving yourself positive pep-talks throughout the day?

Each of us is special.

Sometimes I get so busy looking at all the things I haven't done, that I forget to appeciate "the good" that is in my life, and endorse myself for allowing it to come in.

Your mantra today: "I am enough, do enough, have enough. I am special, just the way I am."