Why You Need to Compliment Yourself

Last week, I was reading a book when my doorbell rang. By the time I opened the door, Kelly, my neighbor was walking away. I called out to her and she looked relieved to find someone home—she had locked her car keys inside her SUV while it was still running in her garage. Fortunately, her passenger window was cracked open enough to get a coat hanger inside to try to pull the lock open. Thirty-five long minutes later, Kelly was happily driving off to meet friends for a Fourth of July barbecue celebration.

Kelly was very appreciative of course that I was able to help her and she expressed her gratitude multiple times. As you know, being appreciated and complimented is always nice. But I’m not telling you this story to point out the benefits of hearing positive things from others. The fact is that I had the pleasure of hearing positive words from two people—Kelly and myself. The fact is that after Kelly told me what a great neighbor I was, I told myself the same thing.

Some might think that strange or even a little narcissistic. I think it’s healthy--but I didn't always think that way. Years back, I would have never complimented myself for helping someone out. Doing so would never have entered my mind and it wouldn't have felt normal. What felt “normal” was to criticize myself when I made a mistake. In fact, it was routine for me to notice and point out my faults and shortcomings. But to compliment myself or to say something positive about a good trait or for helping someone out in a small way? No, that would just seem weird.

Why is that? If it seems natural to say affirming things to others, why isn’t it natural to compliment ourselves? It might not feel natural for you to do that, but it’s quite healthy. Here are two tips to make it natural for you to say positive things to yourself:

Give to yourself what you want from others. We all want to be appreciated—it’s a basic need. If you want more appreciation, start by giving it to yourself—on a regular basis. The funny thing is, the more you do for yourself what you want others to do for you, the less you will need it from others. Then, when it happens, it will be a bonus.

Do it even (or especially) if it makes you feel uncomfortable. You don’t have to tell anyone about this; you can keep it to yourself if you like. When you get more comfortable with saying supportive things about yourself, you will find it to be one of the easiest and healthiest ways to give yourself a boost of positive energy.

-Alan Allard, Career Coach