Debra Oakland's Blog, page 6

What Can I Do To Show That I Appreciate You?

“Appreciation is an excellent thing. It makes what is excellent in others, belong to us as well.” – Voltaire

Do you ever wonder what you can do to show appreciation to others? Appreciation is a quality that is key to sustaining healthy relationships  – a way of letting people know you value and support them. A fundamental need in our lives is to be valued, respected and appreciated. If you think through a day in your life, there were people doing many small acts of kindness. When we are appreciated this motivates us, building moral and boosting confidence.

On the other hand, do you ever wonder why – after extending an act of kindness to someone, you are not shown the appreciation you feel you deserve? People who do not feel appreciated, may not feel like extending good will to others. It’s probably not personal, so keep that in mind. We love to be recognized for the achievements and skills we present to the world. This makes us feel good and gives us a desire to extend the gift of kindness. This accelerates a win win for everyone involved.

Perception of life is as varied as people. There are no rules, except the ones we choose to follow. When people are speaking, do you listen or are you thinking about what you want to say? We all do this from time to time – communication can be tricky. When the conversation is beyond boring or insipid, we want to escape for self-preservation. Do so as gracefully as possible – if possible, and remember body language speaks volumes.

Sometimes we have to hold our tongue even though we want to say what’s on our mind. If we don’t resonate with a conversation, sometimes the best move is silence versus conflict. People have their opinions, and few are open minded enough to have a diverse conversation where they may learn something of value. When people do not feel heard, they do not feel appreciated. Have you noticed this? If you agree with them, it’s easy because they feel validated and like minded.

Showing appreciation is something our world could use more of right now. There are people feeling a great deal of doubt and fear about the future. Instead of noticing when things go wrong, notice when things go right. The gift of a smile, a thank you, high five, a thoughtful gift, or a few kind words can brighten someone’s day. I think the little things add up to something wonderful. There is much distraction in the world. We can’t be everywhere, online and off – try as we might. It’s exhausting as most of us have realized, since social media has become extremely prevalent. Take time to enjoy your life. This makes it easier to make a difference in the lives of those around you. You will be happier mentally and physically, and appreciation will pour in.

 

 

 

 

Original article: What Can I Do To Show That I Appreciate You?

©2021 Debra Oakland. All Rights Reserved.

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How Do You Know Who To Trust?

We experience trust at a very young age. Children are much wiser than we think and begin discerning early on who they find trustworthy. Through maturity awareness expands, and trust evolves in our ever changing world. The bonds we form change over time, as does each phase of life we shift into. In the world we share collectively – for many, trust issues have become a top priority, and with good reason. These are a few of the complaints I’ve repeatedly heard lately…

People are rude.

People are driving like crazy people, honking, yelling, texting – not paying attention.

I thought I knew them, and now I don’t know who they are.

I feel manipulated and not appreciated for my efforts.

There are narcissists everywhere.

I’ve been ghosted by someone I was in contact with, and well, WTF happened!

If my beliefs and choices are different from others, they don’t want to communicate any longer.

I don’t trust politicians – (this one is as old as time!)

I no longer trust the medical establishment – patients die every day because of medical mistakes.

Who do I trust, and why should I trust them?

Where has the integrity gone?

The question is, “How do you know who to trust?” Great question, deserving some solid answers. I know for me, it takes time to gain my trust, it’s just my way. Once I trust you, if you lie to me, or cause me to distrust you, the energy shifts – and so do I. The choices I make on a daily basis affect every aspect of my life, and trust must be earned. I suppose I have a low tolerance for BS and have learned that keeping my distance from certain people enhances my life. Total trust can be a deficit at times, so trust your instincts. We are all different when it comes to the T word. I know people who trust far to freely, or are easily manipulated. This can lead to sad outcomes, but at the same time, valuable life lessons can be learned.

It’s important to feel safe with those you trust. This entails letting them get to know who you are, how you feel, and what you value in life. A bit of trial and error – all part of the journey. When you give your word, try your best to honor it. This builds trusting relationships that flourish over time. Honesty is a great quality, but be respectful. We all know how hard it is to speak to those not ready to listen. Don’t be afraid to let people go who do not enhance your life in a positive way. Be a living example of the qualities in life you find important, and watch your efforts flow beautifully everywhere.

Original article: How Do You Know Who To Trust?

©2021 Debra Oakland. All Rights Reserved.

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How Does Your Integrity Affect The Lives Of Others?

My husband Cody and I recently met three awesome women at a local cafe. They shared a community table with us in the bar area. The conversation was lively and steered toward VC’s. My husband threw out the words Vulture Capitalists, and a couple other choice words to describe many of these companies. My husband is a co-founder of ikininc.com, and to their credit have raised all their capital through friends and family, without using VC’s. Come to find out, these three women are in the midst of starting their own Venture Capital company by women, for women. They are building a business that is integrity/heart based and purpose driven. Their success in this business will allow them to make a difference in the world while following their dreams of helping others. No vultures here!

The five of us chatted about personal integrity and how it directly affects the lives of others. As the conversation continued, I realized I had found the perfect topic for my July Living in Courage E-News that goes out the first day of each month to my subscribers. We are living examples and by expressing our best selves, we affect everyone who crosses our path. With integrity in place, we can be assured our life truly reflects who we are, elevating not only ourselves, but others, to new heights.

Meeting these three bright inspiring women prompted me to introduce them, and their soon to launch 360 Venture Collective, to my friend Ande Lyons who I have featured many times in my E-News over the years. Ande’s Startup Life Live Podcast is a perfect connection for these women that was meant to be. Right time, right place. We are catalysts for change if we stay open to new experiences and opportunities. Say this to yourself often, “My life is my message.”

Those who have an “agenda” that is out of integrity are always looking for ways to help themselves, not others. We all know people like this. Living from the outside in does not bring joyful life experiences. Living from the inside out is our living guidance system. I think of it as our blueprint for life. Connect yourselves with people who help others, sharing their good energy, and consciously choosing to make a difference in their own unique way. I call this a win win!

Years ago I wrote Integrity Is. In this article I share a story of a successful businessman growing old. He knew it was time to choose a successor to take over the business. Instead of choosing one of his directors or his children, he decided to do something different…

Original article: How Does Your Integrity Affect The Lives Of Others?

©2021 Debra Oakland. All Rights Reserved.

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Intrinsic Growth – Expand or Contract

What we change inwardly will change outer reality. – Plutarch.

I am re-sharing an article I wrote in 2019. These words are more important now than ever…

In the midst of the insanity we are seeing in the outer world, there is a grass roots movement taking hold. The roots of this movement are deep, as deep as the pain in the hearts of those who can make no sense of the unrecognizable and unacceptable ‘reality’ facing them. Grass roots groups are nothing new. It’s where change percolates, giving us an opportunity to expand or contract. The inner sanctum of shift begins within and takes hold in the outer. The most important mindset to any forward movement is accepting change and embracing adaptability.

Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself. – Rumi

Our souls are rooted deeply, held in the embrace of powers beyond our knowing. Why then do we trust the outer world to provide that which already exists inside us? True satisfaction of the soul is elusive, because we have turned our back on our inner roots. What happens to a garden not tended properly? It begins to deteriorate. Think of your inner-world as a garden. Are you a master gardener who has accumulated the necessary knowledge to nourish yourself – to grow even deeper roots? I think of this as a personal grass roots movement intrinsic to growth on all levels, in all areas of our life.

Let go of the past, but keep the lessons it taught you. – Chiara Gizzi

I’m sure you’ve noticed the dramatic changes in the world – this outer collective we all contribute to. As these shifts occur quickly, adaptability is the best way forward. The unwillingness to accept change can usher in experiences more difficult than for those who are willing and ready to adapt. There is a raw beauty to change, leading to the brilliance of the yet unpolished. We may need to voluntarily and courageously walk into the unknown to expand ourselves. Why is it we so often think of changing the world, when changing ourselves brings the best results?

The return to ‘self’ is the most important action we can take. I leave you with this thoughtful quote…

Most people can look back over the years and identify a time and place at which their lives changed significantly. Whether by accident or design, these are the moments when, because of a readiness within us and a collaboration with events occurring around us, we are forced to seriously reappraise ourselves and the conditions under which we live and to make certain choices that will affect the rest of our lives. – Frederick F. Flack

 

Original article: Intrinsic Growth – Expand or Contract

©2021 Debra Oakland. All Rights Reserved.

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Fear Is The Highest Fence

“Fear is the highest fence.” – Dudley Nichols

Mending one’s fences – to strengthen or reestablish one’s position by conciliation or negotiation.

Being on the fence – uncommitted, neutral, and undecided.

Walls create physical and mental barriers. Putting up fences and rushing to repair them at the last minute is exhausting. When part of a fence is broken, scratched or needs new paint, it’s time to take action. For the purpose of this article, our body mind and spirit is the ‘yard’ we put fences around. This protects us from possible ‘outsiders’ or unwanted visitors. Granted, we need strong fences that provide safely, security and supports our needs, but not those that holds us hostage. What kind of fences have you built and do you have some mending to do? Our ‘yards’ need to be nourished and nurtured. Therefore, think of fence mending as a requirement for a happy healthy you.

 7 Ways to Mend Your Fences – Consider This a Healing Process

Dig below the fence and find the root cause of the problem.Communicate your feelings and be open to listening to the other persons perspective. You can agree to disagree – it’s okay!Remember what is important about your relationship.Forgiveness – Let old grudges go the way of the dodo bird. Apologize or accept and apology.Restore trust – this happens by mending fences and building bridges.If your fence is broken, find a way to repair it. There are resources everywhere.Rebuilding takes time, be patient!

 Isaac Newton said, ‘Men build too many walls and not enough bridges’  and this is something that needs to change.

Man-made barriers have been created to keep us separate – battling over who is right and who is wrong. Whose fence is stronger, higher, the wrong color, size or made of a foreign material we don’t like. These barriers destroy family, friendship, businesses. Much as I would like to go on, you get my drift. Change begins with each of us, working together for the common good.

Observe next time you see a neighbor repairing a damaged fence. The new section is repaired and painted to look new, or to match the existing fence. Wouldn’t it be fantastic is life could be fixed as easily? Build a bridge that leads to peace. Assess the slights, hurts or damage and take the appropriate repair steps. All fences get scuffed up over a lifetime. Therefore, it’s up to us to do repairs that suit our sensibilities.

In Conclusion: Another perspective via Seth Godin’s Blog – The Invisible Fence

There are very few fences that can stop a determined person (or dog, for that matter).

Most of the time, the fence is merely a visual reminder that we’re rewarded for complying.

If you care enough, ignore the fence. It’s mostly in your head.

Original article: Fear Is The Highest Fence

©2021 Debra Oakland. All Rights Reserved.

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Code Of Ethics – What Are Yours?

I’ve been thinking about integrity, honor, and ethics a great deal over this last year. In 2008 I wrote a short article on these topics and felt it was time to revisit these important qualities.

Out in the world we have popular opinion, government, the media, and all manner of life and details revolving around Covid. Many people are confused and rightfully so, scared of an uncertain future. Others are strong and unmovable in their opinions and beliefs. The behavior I see in people is all over the board, and I believe much of it has to do with fear.

Do you have a code of conduct? Has it been swayed, or do you choose to lead your life filled with important qualities, such as honor and integrity?

These are questions that cross my mind and that I have asked myself over the years…

– What is your philosophy?

– Have you done an examination recently of how you conduct your life?

– Do you live a full life, where at the end of that life there are few regrets?

– Do you carry another persons baggage because of fear or guilt?

– Are you supporting something in another person that does not come from integrity?

– Do you realize that when a person does not act out of honor or integrity, this can set into motion the same energy in another persons life?

– Are you in integrity and honor with yourself and others?

– What are the silent forces in your life that impact your reality experience?

– Do you stretch your code of ethics to a point they send mixed messages that come back as limitations you don’t recognize or want in your life?

– Are you willing to look at what you have set into action and change old habits and patterns no longer supporting your life?

– How expansive is your consciousness? Are you willing to listen with an open mind. If not, why? You may learn something of value.

– Is your code of ethics weak, needing to be strengthened? If so, are you willing to ask for help?

You get to choose. Ask these two most important questions: What are you doing and why are you doing it? Listen closely to the answers.

Expand, explore, and enjoy life courageously. Grab hold of your inner torch of liberty, the authority that belongs to you. Be the Force.

You can’t test courage cautiously. – Annie Dillard

 

Original article: Code Of Ethics – What Are Yours?

©2021 Debra Oakland. All Rights Reserved.

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Ambiguity – Beauty & The Beast

Anyone out there feeling up and down emotions, confusion, or uncertainty? One thing you can count on – the outer world and the people in it are always going to change. This can be unsettling, especially for those who don’t do well with shifting tides. Some people thrive in life’s storms, some flounder…splashing about as if they are going to drown in confusion. Communication can be challenging. We have speakers and listeners. How that information translates can be ambiguous.

How do you disambiguate, and when is it important to do so? As speakers and listeners, it’s easy to misread the intention of information shared. Misunderstandings can occur without clarity. What’s the solution? Changing the conversation to an effective form of communication is a start. By clarifying intent, brief and vague information is removed from the equation. Some use this to their advantage…or, so they think! Clarity always wins the race. Oh, the beauty and charm of ambiguity!

A small example is how men and women communicate. It’s a well known fact that most women use far more words than men. It’s in our DNA. Women and men communicate differently. My husband and I have different ways of delivering information, even though the intent is to get the same message across. We find this quite humorous. The biggest example of ambiguous information/conversation I can think of is politics. Each side wanting to get their message across to directly influence the outcome, yet withholding important information – the power of ambiguity at it’s worst – the beast. Pay attention to messages of clarity – where great truth lives and breathes.

Everyone has expectations, it’s human nature, and sometimes we feel life has let us down. Disappointment ensues. Is what disappointed you something you could have directly changed? Many times it is not. Life can be a roller-coaster. We replay scenarios over and over in our minds. The world has not been managed well, and we the people, are the fallout. This can cause great distress and fear. You aren’t alone. This happens to all of us. If the disappointment is powerful, what are the next steps you can take to change the course of your life? Take small steps. Build your inner strength. When you feel centered, courageous, and confident – take bigger steps forward. It’s a wild adventure here on earth. For the time we exist on this little planet called Earth, let’s make it the best ride of our life . Ambiguous or not, we all share it together.

 

Original article: Ambiguity – Beauty & The Beast

©2021 Debra Oakland. All Rights Reserved.

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Hold Yourself Accountable

When things don’t go your way, and lately things haven’t been going the way most people would hope, what do you do? It’s easy to blame, casting dispersion’s/aspersions on those we feel have done despicable things. The outer world is often a cesspool of things most good folks can’t bear to think about.

We each experience the world from our unique perspective. The outer world has been a shit show and doesn’t show any signs of slowing down. With that said, how are you going to move forward experiencing life as you desire? There is great fear in the hearts of people, and for many good reasons. The depths and layers of control and manipulation that have corrupted our little planet for longer than we care to know, is unconscionable. Be aware of illusions. Most people do not see below the surface and are perfectly fine being programmed to believe the ‘package’ narrative presented to them.

Getting away from the doom and gloom for a moment, let me say, I love this planet Earth. I grew up thinking the world was good and there was very little evil in it. I have since flipped that innocence and with wide open eyes, see the world as it is. To live the life I desire, I hold myself accountable for how I feel each moment of the day. Carrying the space for peace and harmony in my body, mind, and spirit is the goal. Some days can be more challenging than others. Awareness allows me to do what is needed, when needed – to shift my perspective.

It’s difficult to wake people up that are in a deep sleep, don’t you agree? There has been a battle of dark vs light since the beginning of time. We are in a real life type ‘Star Wars’ at the moment. The world is divided, friends and family have broken apart over politics, world views, the virus, masks, lock-downs, and that’s just for starters. It’s a precarious ledge we are on. We zip our lips with people we are on opposite side of the fence with, and it’s sad. People are set in their opinions. The lively conversations and fun debates are not as frequent, because people are triggered, afraid, and often angry. I find this is unfortunate, because keeping an open mind expands our consciousness.

Yet, in the midst of it all, we get to choose the actions we take and how those actions make us feel. These are things to think about as our world goes through this massive shift. It’s a fascinating movie we are watching play out, and long overdue. Popcorn anyone?

Original article: Hold Yourself Accountable

©2021 Debra Oakland. All Rights Reserved.

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Courage Required

As I sit here contemplating life, I feel there is light at the end of the tunnel. The world is going through massive change, a global shift if you will. The question many ask, is, “How to move forward in these challenging times?” For each one of us, the answer needs to flow from within. What we see and feel, is as individual as we are. There is strength and resiliency in the human spirit. We are soul driven and desirous of living life to the best of our ability, whatever that may look like. This may show up anywhere on a scale from light, to very dark. The choice as always, is ours.

The world we live in has reached a critical point. Lines have been drawn, and division has created chaos. We let it happen. A collective choice. There is individual choice, and as a whole, collective. What is showing up in the outer world has been a long time coming. We are at a precipice, if you will. Not the first time by any means, but this time – we have powerful assistance. There is much that is unseen in the Universe. There is a shift of unprecedented importance coming, and not everyone is going to support this shift. We live in a world of powerful manipulation and control. Very few know their entire lives have been programmed in such a way to make them feel safe and comfortable. This allows a deep sleep on our parts, and keeps the status quo for those in control.

This status quo has been unraveling and it’s not going to be pretty when the shit hits the fan and fly’s in our faces. What will we do? How will we react? Follow like sheeple people, or use our voices to step out of the herd mentality to be heard? Everything happening, as sad and unbelievable as it has been, was essential for this massive shift to be put into motion and gain powerful momentum. Every one of our lives has changed. Not one of us has escaped experiencing all we are facing, and about to face. Great courage is required. I sound evasive, with reason. Each one of us must decide for ourselves our course of action. We all know people who have cemented thoughts and feelings. There will be a breaking point for many, as truths come to light that were hidden.

It is not for me to say what is right for you or what you should think. What I ask is that you keep an open mind when things begin to be revealed that you can’t fathom could be real. Living in courage has been my mantra throughout my life and continues to lead me forward with hope for a better world for everyone. We all want to be happy and live fulfilled happy lives, but if we move forward in the status quo, waking up (as it is time to do) may pass us by. My greatest hope is to see the world come together in courageous collective cooperation.

Original article: Courage Required

©2020 Debra Oakland. All Rights Reserved.

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What Doesn’t Kill Us Makes Us Stronger

You’ve heard the old adage, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” This applies in our lifetime now more than ever. What do people need right now? In my mind, I believe it is patience and kindness. Unity is a beautiful goal, don’t you agree? The world is divided, lines have been drawn. Many are sharing their opinions – in their own unique way. Others keep silent, as not to lose friends and family by voicing their thoughts and opinions. It may sound strange, but earning trust by ‘silence’ can be powerful. Why? Because trust can be unraveled in a moments time. People talk freely to those they trust -> minus the drama. When we courageously face challenges of any kind with a positive attitude, it not only help us, it inspires others. We can be a living example to others if we choose to do so. Keeping conversation positive is important – it is calming. Inspiring others through the peace you carry goes a long way to soothe others. People don’t want to be criticized, so if it’s not positive, don’t say it.

In my book, Change Your Movie, Change Your Life: 7 Reel Concepts for Courageous Change, I talk about the power of responding vs reacting. Giving ourselves time to chill can change the outcome if we are clear about our intention before reacting to life’s unexpected challenges. In stressful situations, we must think through our responses and exercise control over our emotions. We live in an increasingly interconnected, global society. It is no longer possible to hear about problems and strife in another part of the world and pretend it has no effect upon our immediate surroundings. We must be prepared to respond properly when the bonds holding our society together begin to fail. When we respond to anger with anger, we stoop to their level. Our response to negativity, when grounded in peace, can change our movie and change our life.

People are doing their best right now to navigate uncharted waters. Let’s all be patient and understanding. Most important, when we keep an open mind when conversing with others, this is an opportunity to broaden our perspective. Rigidity never facilitates communication, or allows for open trust. Be chill and approachable, smile and listen, then assimilate what you have learned. This is a big world to enjoy and explore. Alternative ideas can inspire us to new heights. Stay informed, mining rich experiences from your own life. You may have more to share than you realize. Your unique point of view can touch and inspire people. The world is shifting, people are inspired to create in new inventive ways. Change is here to stay, so adaptability is key. What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger and more courageous. We’ve got this!

 

Original article: What Doesn’t Kill Us Makes Us Stronger

©2020 Debra Oakland. All Rights Reserved.

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