Doug Ward's Blog, page 95

Ward's Laws #1734

We have some new kids at my school.  They're the Cullens.  They have weird hair and eyes and are really pale.  Maybe I can get them summer jobs lifeguarding at the local pool.

Ward's Laws #1731

If you think of a maternity ward as a showroom for new cars, what's a retirement home look like?

Ward's Laws #1730

If you're eating Lucky Charms cereal and there are very few marshmallows in it, are they really lucky?

Ward's Laws #1727

What is the purpose of butt cheeks?  I mean other than looking good in jeans.  No other animal has them?  No other animal has to wipe his or her butt either.  Strike two evolution.  Lol

Ward's Laws #1725

A stinkbug bit me today.  With my luck it was probably radioactive and bestowed upon me his powers of stench.  Oh well, with great power comes great responsibilities.   I think I'll go take a nap.

Ward's Laws #1723

The fine people at Ward's Laws have inadvertently come up with an alternative to prison.  We suggest that criminals be fitted with a set of dental braces and forced to repeat 4th grade.  After the abuse they'll receive, and the extorted milk money, said felon will become a model citizen.

Ward's Laws #1721

I think my house is haunted.  I keep hearing a voice telling me to eat the last slice of chocolate cake and when I turn around, there's no one there...

Ward's Laws #1720

If my dog descended from the wolves, his pack must've been kind of lethargic.

Ward's Laws #1718

I think the men's room should have higher standards. I've seen little boys come outta there with nary a hair on their face, toilet paper dragging underfoot.  We really need to rethink the term men.

Ward's Laws #1715

Shouldn't Americans say one-teen instead of eleven? Don't even get me started on two-teen.