Doug Ward's Blog, page 92

Ward's Laws #1792

What kind of person eats peanut m&ms when there's a perfectly good bag of chocolate ones right beside it?

Ward's Laws #1791

Why do I find the smell of a dog so intoxicating?

Ward's Laws #1789

Why do I always suspect people who run alligator farms of being serial killers?  There's a connection somewhere.

Ward's Laws #1787

"Why is it I never get the cool super powers?"  Phlegm Lad.

Ward's Laws #1785

An old state law that's still on the books says that all Pennsylvania's public servants must believe in a god.  I think it's written to keep those dirty atheists and their scientific lies out of office.  So, from now on, I'll be worshipping the mighty Cthulhu.  I vote you hope for me.

Ward's Laws #1782

I came up with a great spin on the whole dinosaur theme park idea.  I like to call it Geriatric Park.  Thrill to she sights of the all-you-can-eat puree lunch, served promptly at 3:00.

Ward's Laws #1780

I need a pygmy primate marmoset.  It could ride on my shoulder like a Pokemon and I could train it to fight to the death for my amusement.  I just need more badges, dammit!!!

Ward's Laws #1779

Why is it that every time I've nearly completed my army of giant robotic drones the zoning officer shows up.  Do they make these restrictions just to bum me out?

Ward's Laws #1776

The Boston Tea Party must have been a thrilling sight to see.  All those tea bags floating in the harbor, Jebediah Starbuck starting his first coffee shop.

Ward's Laws #1774

Why is it, every time I attend a graduation ceremony I feel like I'm a step away from being in a Harry Potter movie.  All those robes and mortarboards, I just wish I knew what house to root for?  Slytherin or Hufflepuff for me.