Doug Ward's Blog, page 121

Ward's Laws #1196

I just added anti-snore strips to my zombie apocalypse bug-out bag. It was my wife's suggestion.

Ward's Laws #1188

I never donate blood.  I know it's just a front for vampires living in underground Goth communities.  If our blood supplies ever diminish I don't want them to rise to the surface world craving the taste of my unique flavor.

Ward's Laws #1185

I'm terminating my Nobel worthy experiment. I was actually reviving pterodactyls from DNA locked in amber. After my first few successes, I found they don't make glass cleaner in great enough quantities to handle guano that size...

Ward's Laws #1169

Zombies are people too.  When bad things happen they tend to fall to pieces.  Bad things like when I hit them with a baseball bat...

Ward's Laws #1168

If I'm arguing with my parents and it looks like I'm going to lose, is it wrong for me to start singing the beloved Disney hit, "The Circle of Life?"

Ward's Laws #1167

I hope I never get false teeth. If I turn into a zombie I want to be fully capable of biting my prey.