Doug Ward's Blog, page 93

Ward's Laws #1773

I got caught smuggling maple syrup into Canada.  How was I supposed to know that America's hat already had some?

Ward's Laws #1771

I have a trio of computer mice that have non-functional optical drives.  I put them on eBay but they aren't selling.  Maybe I shouldn't have listed them as "three blind mice."

Ward's Laws #1768

I never give bank employees my passwords.  They don't call them tellers for nothing.

Ward's Laws #1767

What purpose did the bolts in Frankenstein's monster's neck have?  Did the good doctor run out of stitches?

Ward's Laws #1765

I just bought the 6 Million Dollar man on eBay. I picked him up for $22.50. Heck, I've paid more for an old laptop. I just hope my PC games will play on his outdated OS.

Ward's Laws #1762

Why do I like orange cheddar better than white?  Probably the same reason I like round pizza better than square.

Ward's Laws #1761

Do Major League Baseball uniforms only come with one pants length?  I feel bad for the guys with short legs.

Ward's Laws #1758

I don't like cartoons nowadays.  They are so disturbing.  One kid has a football shaped head while another has a square one.  And don't get me started on Uncle Grandpa.  Sounds like a hillbilly who went to too many family reunions without a date.

Ward's Laws #1757

Did you realize Easter basket grass looks nothing like real grass?  I have insulation in my attic that looks more like grass then what you put your eggs into.

Ward's Laws #1755

Never substitute real peeps for the marshmallow kind.  They poop all over everything in the basket and if you aren’t paying attention while reaching for a treat from the basket, they make the most horrible noise when you bite into them.