Doug Ward's Blog, page 90

Ward's Laws #1833

  Installing a trap door in my house wasn't a great idea for someone who's absent minded like me.  Does anyone have a ladder?  I'm getting hungry and have to pee.

Ward's Laws #1831

Why don't amusement parks amuse me?  I just get nauseous and sometimes throw up.

Ward's Laws #1830

What caliber of a gun do you use to shoot pool?

Ward's Laws #1827

Will someone in Hollywood please make JRR Tolkien's book, The Hobbit, into a movie.  Thank you.

Ward's Laws #1825

I'll never wear camouflage to my job again.  They thought I blew off work.  I had to strip down to my underwear so they could see me.  That didn't go over so well either.

Ward's Laws #1822

I've seen enough Slasher movies that I know having very large cutlery sitting out in your kitchen is a really bad idea.

Ward's Laws #1821

I can write my name perfectly in the snow but when it comes to toilets I'm all over the place. What, is there a force field over that thing or something?

Ward's Laws #1818

I thought keeping condiments in my glove compartment was a good idea. Who would've known that the mayonnaise would induce immediate, violent vomiting on the first bite. Now, the second bite went a little better but the third went right down the commode again.  All-in-all, it was still better than a school lunch.

Ward's Laws #1817

I was wearing my coat of arms but I got too hot and had to take it off.

Ward's Laws #1815

I wonder what the line is on the National Spelling Bee.  I'll bet Vegas is gonna make a killing.