Doug Ward's Blog, page 88
July 8, 2014
Ward's Laws #1873
Just imagine if Mithradites had invented Gatorade early on in his reign. His troops would have been hydrated properly and would have crushed the Roman Empire. Excluding the chariot incident, that is.
July 7, 2014
Ward's Laws #1672
I wonder why nobody ever flipped out on Madge and said, "You mean I'm paying $60 to have my nails done and you're soaking my fingertips in dishwashing liquid? What kind of psycho are you?"
July 5, 2014
Ward's Laws #1669
I don't want to say I'm afraid of heights, but I get vertigo on the bathroom scale.
July 4, 2014
Ward's Laws #1668
Not all monsters come out after dark. In Congress, they do their evil deeds, mostly, during the day.
July 3, 2014
Ward's Laws #1865
On the 4th of July, if my neighbors are launching fireworks over my house, would it be wrong of me to shoot back? I don't think they realize the weapons I've accumulated in my zombie-killing arsenal.
July 1, 2014
Ward's Laws #1864
Hey, these Spider-Man Underoos don't make me spider-anything except to wish they came in adult sizes. Ouch, they really are cutting off circulation where I wish they wouldn't. I guess my fault though. I shouldn't have worn them to the beach, but I do look quite European in them.
June 30, 2014
Ward's Laws #1862
I like watching YouTube videos of people eating ghost peppers and nearly dying form the heat. What I'd like better, would be to watch them on the toilet trying to pass one about an hour later.
June 26, 2014
Ward's Laws #1860
My former doctor advised me to self-administer a Mentos and Coke enema. Notice I said former doctor. Talk about explosive results.
June 25, 2014
Ward's Laws #1858
My electric car's check engine light came on. The mechanic told me the mouse died and I'd need a replacement.
June 23, 2014
Ward's Laws #1855
This one is for D&D players. Don't you feel it's strange that clerics, who can't use edged weapons, have a spell called blade barrier that creates a whirling barrier of razor sharp blades?
