Doug Ward's Blog, page 85

Ward's Laws #1939

My friend Dave didn't go outside a lot. He kept his house really cold in the winter to save on gas prices so I gave him a house plant as a present. That way he could see the change of seasons indoors.

Ward's Laws #1938

Do women ever get stage freight?  In the bathroom, I mean.

Ward's Laws #1936

My dental hygienist was awarded one of the best in her job. She was a little disappointed though. She only got plaque.

Ward's Laws #1934

Forget that old ice bucket challenge.  The new rage to finance aloe research is the scalding bucket challenge.  Get some boiling water and... what?  I was just informed by the Ward's Laws legal team that the last message is now officially retracted.  I wish they would have told me earlier, ouch!

Ward's Laws #1932

Bathroom attendants creep me out.  Isn't there a skill said individual possess that could be used rather than handing someone a paper towel.  No, I don't want a mint.  I'm in a bathroom for crying out loud!

Ward's Laws #1930

I was going to grow my sideburns way out so they would resemble hawk wings, but I was scared a stiff breeze might carry me high in the air.  Being afraid of heights, I quickly shaved the side burns off.

Ward's Laws #1928

I watched the movie "The Purge" only to find out that it had nothing to do with high fiber cereal.

Ward's Laws #1925

So, I'm out shopping for a new fanny pack and I see some guy wearing acid washed jeans.  Man, some people hold on to styles a little too long, don't ya think?

Ward's Laws #1924

I hate hotel newspapers. People's grimy fingers smudging the nice fresh ink, I just know they already read all the good stories. Damn USA Today and its lack of comics. I wonder if we should call yesterday's edition USA Yesterday?

Ward's Laws #1921

I remember when trolls were ugly, naked plastic toys with wild hair.