Doug Ward's Blog, page 80

Ward's Words #36

While talking to a young woman at a bar I quickly found out my definition of a Dungeon Master was completely different than hers. That's the last time I try to impress anyone with my lofty titles.

Ward's Words #33

Disney, in an undisguised money grab, is making Toy Story 4.  Come on, Toy Story 3 brought Andy's toys full circle.  I openly balled my eyes out for at least 5 minutes and sobbed for a few more. The third installment was the perfect ending. Making one more is nothing but greed...  What?  They're going to sell collector glasses at McDonalds...  Never mind.

Ward's Words #33

I'm thinking of changing up my tooth brushing routine. My dentist suggests twice a day but being the rebel I am I'm thinking twice a month. Think of the toothpaste I'll be saving.

Ward's Words #31

I bought a juicer because I wanted to get more fruits and vegetables in me, but am too lazy to have to chew them with my own teeth.  That’s really what they’re for, right?

Ward's Words #29

When a kid in my neighborhood got chicken pox the mothers had us all play with the sick child so we could all get over it at once.  When Timmy, down the block, got Ebola…

Ward's Words #26

I don’t think of my septic tank leaking on my neighbors lawn as a bad thing.  I think of it as if I’m a very inexpensive lawn service.  His grass is usually green and luxurious until February.

Ward's Words #25

Batman, one of the coolest super Heroes ever.  Batman, the worst rogues gallery ever.  A penguin man.  Throw him a colored ball to balance on his nose and he’s done.  A scare crow?  A riddle guy?  And don’t start with Bane.  Pull the rubber hoses out and he shrivels up like a snail eating salt.  All-in-all, the worst reoccurring villains ever.

Ward's Laws #23

Maybe I watch too many horror movies but if you're thinking about buying a house with an old fashioned water well out back, you're really buying a porthole to hell.

Ward's Words #21

There's a job title called a gender specialist?  Really?

Ward's Words #19

Why don't you ever see Aquaman calling for help from a school of guppies?