Doug Ward's Blog, page 79

Invasion of the Gingers 11-18-2014

I must master my fear, for this is a time for rational thoughts.  Clearer heads will prevail.  I must consult those champions of normalcy, Ward’s Words.

Invasion of the Gingers 11-18-2014

Aackkkk  It just dawned on me.  Gingers can use hair dye.  The soulless could be walking among us at this very moment.  Every one of you is now suspect.  Stay back all of you, back I say.  Where’s my zombie whack ’en stick?

Ward's Words #53

Dr. Frankenstein was the only guy in his whole village with electricity.  And he wonders why they formed a mob and stormed his castle.

Ward's Words #50

Has anyone ever seen Jared Leto turn his head while he's on he red carpet. It creeps me out that he's always facing forward.

Ward's Words #49

I’m sure glad Virginia thought of the monicker “Virginia is for lovers” before Pennsylvania did.  “PA is for lovers,” just sounds wrong…

Ward's Words #47

I always felt werewolves were the lesser of monster kind.  Any beast that can be killed by a silver butter knife is a tad nonthreatening don’t you think?

Ward's Words #44

Vegas will bet on anything.  They have odds on my credit score and the problem is that I’m the underdog.  +7, That's the best you can do?

Ward's Words #43

Did you ever look back at the line of traffic behind you and wonder if someone back there has to poop really badly?  You guessed it.  That's when I like to slow down.

Ward's Words #40

Why does he US Post Office advertise?  It's not like you can buy stamps anywhere else. Ok, you can get them elsewhere, but they still get the money for the sale. They even have a box right there in your front yard!

Ward's Words #38

I know why movie theaters offer discounts to senior citizens on Monday's. It's so no one gets alarmed by the trucks transporting the bodies to the Soylent Green processing plants.