Doug Ward's Blog, page 77

Ward's Words #84

My brilliant plan to become the invisible man really took a hit when I found out vanishing cream doesn't measure up to what it's name implies.  It said apply directly to skin so not only was I cold but now I’m naked on YouTube…

Ward's Words #82

The animal protection league is pressing charges against me because I haven't fed my Giga Pet since I lost interest in it in 1997.  I knew a virtual pet was way too much responsibility for me.

Ward's Words #79

I think playing the board game Operation would go a lot better if they gave the patient some anesthetic. Poor guys awake during the whole thing.

Ward's Words #78

I don’t understand why we don't build our homes out of Lego.  Really big Lego.  Additions would be easy to DIY and let’s not mention the insulation value of plastic…

Ward's Words #76

Why are the guys in the Lollipop Guild so angry?  Just sing along and remember… “We represent the Lollipop Guild, the Lollipop Guild, the Lollipop Guild.”

Ward's Words #74

I was asked about my family tree.  I”m not an ent, I’m a human.  My ancestors swung from trees, we didn't grow among them.  So leaf me alone.

Ward's Words #72

A friend of mine said he wanted me to experience spelunking. If I would have known it was risking my life in some damp, dark cave I would've said no. I thought It was some nice Polish food or something.

Ward's Words #69

My dad used to cut my hair when I was 15 years old.  I didn’t have a girlfriend that whole year…  Coincidence?

Ward's Words #68

I opened my box of cereal from the bottom so now I have to eat it for dinner.

Ward's Words #65

I think I’m starting to fit in at school.  Recently I started to sit at the cool kid table.  I like when they joke with me.  They usually say, “What are you doing sitting here, runt!”  They’re so funny…