Doug Ward's Blog, page 75
January 11, 2015
Ward's Words #122
People get weirded out by the group in the Andes plane crash that ate the dead. Heck, as soon as I get on a plane I start picking out who I'm going to eat.
January 10, 2015
Ward's Words #121
If they didn't want us to eat the little silica gel packets that businesses pack with so many items they shouldn't put it in those enticing packets that remind me of the prize in cereal boxes.
January 8, 2015
Ward's Words #119
We should actively protest any and all makers of tortilla chips. Making their salt-encrusted, awkwardly shaped chips so large they cut your mouth is just sadistic. Let alone these flat crisps are meant to be dipped into salsa. Good call snack engineers, I can’t see anyway spilling problems there.
January 5, 2015
Ward's Words #116
I went to a party and it seemed like everyone there was texting. It seems social media is the new social.
January 4, 2015
Ward's Words #115
I like shopping at Whole Foods much better than their sister store Half Foods. I always feel like I’m getting ripped at that place.
January 3, 2015
Ward's Words #112
Kids now-a-days are complainers! When I was a kid, you were the lucky one if you got a lunch lady hair on your pizza burger. It was like hitting the lottery. I thought those women were beautiful with their locks pinned back and those plastic sandwich bags on their hands. Those were the days!
January 1, 2015
Ward's Words #110
I don’t know about you, but I get really anxious when I do the self-checkout in stores. I always feel like I have to hurry after I scan the barcode. If I’m too slow to the bag, I think I’ll be sent to store jail or something…
December 31, 2014
Ward's Words #108
I don't trust people who have air fresheners in their cars. It makes me wonder what's decomposing in their trunk that they're so afraid of someone discovering.
December 30, 2014
Ward's Words #107
I tried a new pheromone based cologne. I didn’t know the maker actually used avian pheromones until I got to the penguin section. Let’s just say I’m not allowed to go back to the zoo, ever.
December 29, 2014
Ward's Words #105
If the lottery gave prize money for completely avoiding any correct numbers I’d be a millionaire many times over.
