Doug Ward's Blog, page 74

Ward's Words #142

Is watching The Walking Dead even more disturbing to vegans?

Ward's Words #140

If a horse is vocal while taking a dump, would you call it a Winnie the Pooh?

Ward's Words #139

I think I'm trending on MySpace.  I want to thank both of the people who viewed my page.

Ward's Words #137

Dressing rooms should have a specific butt mirror.  How am I supposed to see if my butt looks good in a pair of jeans if I can’t look back there?  Stores could call it the “butt-view mirror,” or maybe they could hire someone to give their educated opinion.  That person would be the butt-master.  They could spend their days leading people away from poor jeans decisions, such as, too small of pockets or the horrifying muffin top.

Ward's Words #135

I was playing with my car radio the other day and was pretty disappointed when I found the seek button. No missiles, not even a diminutive killer robot. It just changed the channel.

Ward's Words #132

I tried to train a hamster as a service animal but it kept making me walk up the down escalator.  It's almost like it was getting revenge for that spinning wheel in it’s cage.  Walking endlessly and never going anywhere.

Ward's Words #130

There’s something about older women.  Maybe it’s that subtle hint of Ben Gay wafting in their path, I don’t know.…

Ward's Words #129

Why do they use the term live entertainment?  Wouldn't the alternative be a little dead?

Ward's Words #126

I hate scooping my dogs turds off my lawn. I wish I could just flush my yard. If it's yellow let it mellow. If it's brown, flush it down.

Ward's Words #125

I hate to use hotel showers. I'm always afraid I'll wind up naked on the Internet.