Do Hard Things Quotes

“Being able to see yourself grow is a fundamental human need. As leaders, we need to create environments that allow people to see a brighter future that includes growth and mastery.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“In the workplace, the story is much the same. In a recent study of over one thousand office workers, the strongest predictor of how well they dealt with the challenges of demanding work was whether they felt respected and valued by their managers. Their bosses simply showing they truly care led to increases in work engagement, loyalty, and resilience. Being a decent, caring human being is a performance and life enhancer.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“When researchers at Eastern Washington University compared coaches utilizing either servant (supportive) or power (thwarting) styles in sixty-four NCAA track teams, the athletes under the servant leader scored higher on measures of mental toughness and ran faster on the track.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“In supportive environments, choice and ownership take center stage. When Kerr handed over the coaching reins, he was doing just that. Letting the team know that they were important and that he trusted them. Research shows that when leaders adopt such a model, their subordinates have better coping skills, are more self-confident, and are rated as more coachable.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“If we take Deci and Ryan’s self-determination theory and put a performance spin on it, then we’re left with three key needs that leaders have to satisfy: Being supported, not thwarted: having input, a voice, and a choice The ability to make progress and to grow Feeling connected to the team and mission; feeling like you belong”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“Trust is much harder. Instead of relying on fear and control, real toughness is linked to self-directed learning, feeling competent in your skills, being challenged but allowed to fail, and above all, feeling cared for by the team or organization.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“If your goal starts to become unattainable, reengaging means switching to something still within your grasp. If you are struggling to put pen to paper on your novel, it’s switching from trying to write a chapter to simply outlining your thoughts. Reengaging allows you to shift the target slightly, so that instead of slamming on the brakes, you find something that you can manage in the moment. It’s moving from reaching the peak to getting down in one piece. Inner drive brings clarity, allowing you to listen to your body so that you can make the right decision during difficult moments.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“Coping strategies act to amplify or blunt the effects of those thoughts, feelings, and emotions. We can use simple techniques, like directing our attention, or complex ones that involve cognition, like reappraisal. Where we direct our focus and cognition can push us toward a freak-out or enable us to work through whatever it is we are facing.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“They weren’t just using one strategy; they were changing their focus at different times in response to the demands of the event. Fatigue and a rising uncertainty about whether they could finish? Flip the switch and home in. Are those around them starting to make tactical moves? Shift attention to their surroundings and competitors. As I quizzed the athletes, the best performers were directing attention to help cope with the demands of the race, and the strategies were vast and complex. It wasn’t as simple as associate or dissociate”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“TOUGHNESS MAXIM The best performers tend to have a flexible and adaptive coping ability. They can bounce between different strategies, depending on the demands of the situation.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“5. Linguistic Zooming Remember from chapter 7 that when we switch from first person to either second or third person, we are putting distance between what’s occurring and our response to”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“Temporal Zooming: Imagine the Future When you are going through a difficult time, ask how you might feel about this in six months, a year, or even ten years down the line.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“3. Physical Zooming: Mood Follows Action We have covered this idea so far in the book, but to reiterate, one study took participants and sat them in a chair. They told participants to either lean forward so that they were on the edge of their seat, anticipating what was coming, or lean back in a fully reclined comfortable position. After getting into position, subjects were given a task to categorize a group of pictures. Those who reclined in the chair were more likely to choose broad categories, coming up with creative ways to make,”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“2. Cognitive Zooming: Weird Versus Normal This is what I like to call the Family Feud style of thinking. In the TV game show, they present you with a challenge (e.g., “Name something that goes up and down”), and then you have to answer what you think people who were surveyed would have answered.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“1. Visual Zooming: Portrait Versus Panorama Mode Direct your focus of attention, almost staring at an object, picking up as many details as possible in a small area. That’s portrait mode. It primes your mind for a single task, shifting you to a narrow state of mind. On the other hand, softening your gaze to an almost blurry state where you attempt to pick up everything in the periphery is what I call panorama mode.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“Exercises: Broad Versus Narrow: Changing Your Processing Ratio The first step in utilizing any of the strategies below is to decide whether you need to zoom in or zoom out. Remember, stress causes us to narrow because it’s advantageous for a short period of time. Stress locks us in and shifts us to focus on one goal instead of exploring others. But you also miss vital information, and over time, your inner voice and negative mood soon spiral.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“Psychologist Barbara Fredrickson proposed a similar framework that works for emotions. The broaden-and-build theory of emotions states that positive emotions expand our cognition and our opportunities for action. According to Fredrickson, when we experience positive emotions, we’re more likely to have novel thoughts, take on new challenges, and embrace new experiences. On the other hand, negative emotions tend to make us narrow our possibilities. Negative emotions constrain our thoughts and behavior. Our options become limited when we’re swamped by anger. Whether it’s attention, cognition, or emotion, the pattern is clear. Broad is the way to go; narrow is to be avoided.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“We need to develop the ability to be comfortable in our own head. To prevent defaulting toward filling that space by grabbing our smartphone or letting our mind wander uncontrollably. Thanks to hours of repetition, distraction and avoidance are often our default strategies.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“When we train our ability to be alone in our head, to sit with thoughts and sensations, we’re better able to disengage from negative stimuli.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“Create space: spend time alone in your head. Keep your mind steady: develop the ability to respond instead of react.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“When using the calm conversation, we won’t become immune to the influence of stress and uncertainty. But we can improve our decision making under all conditions. In theory, a calm conversation is simple. When we start to feel a rise in emotions and our mind spiraling toward a freak-out, it’s pausing, talking yourself off the ledge, listening to the feedback your internal and external environments are telling you, and slowing the world down. Not by fighting, but by understanding that what you are experiencing is normal,”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“When we choose to ignore or suppress, we first have to direct our attention to a thought or sensation, signaling to our brain that it must be important. If we actively try to push it away or ignore it, we’re doubling down. Our brain doesn’t receive the signal that we should move on. It gets the message that something important must be in this signal, so it amplifies it. Anyone who has told either themselves or others to “chill out” or “just forget about it” is keenly aware of this phenomenon. Ignoring, avoiding, and suppressing backfire.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“TOUGHNESS MAXIM Respond to reality. For most of us, we are not only responding to the actual stress but the reverberations of it. Tough individuals learn to match perception with reality so that they marshal the appropriate response instead of an exaggerated one.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“As the latest science and psychology entered behavioral management, the approach shifted. Now, if a student acts out or isn’t following directions, Hillary says, “I first provide them with a choice, asking, ‘Can you reset?’” A reset is a momentary pause, an opportunity for the child to think about their behavior or mistake and correct it. Teachers explain and practice resets throughout the year. If the child resets, the teacher quickly moves on. As Hillary summarizes, “Everybody makes mistakes and mistakes are okay. A reset is a chance to think through your emotions and come back online. Children aren’t used to or equipped to navigate the barrage of emotions they feel. Give them space to deal with them.” And if the behavior continues? “I give them two options. For example, you can start your assignment at your desk or at my table. Or, you can reset now or we can practice resetting at recess together. They feel like they have control as they’re picking a choice, but I’m steering their behaviors toward what is acceptable. They can’t just say ‘No.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“The PFC (and related brain areas) acts as the stabilizer, stepping in and saying, “We see you feeling anxious, but we don’t have to sound the alarm.” According to the latest scientific research, the connection between the amygdala and the PFC explains much of the individual differences in emotional regulation.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“The key to being able to handle the pain and uncertainty?” Cleather quipped, “Accepting the pain. Not fighting it.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“Real toughness is experiencing discomfort or distress, leaning in, paying attention, and creating space to take thoughtful action.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“When we are self-immersed, we amplify the emotional aspects of the situation. Our world narrows, and we get drawn into the emotionality of the experience, setting ourselves up for the negative cascade toward choosing the “easy path” in our toughness paradigm. And according to recent research, a self-immersed perspective causes us to see the situation as a threat. We get locked in on any details that might trigger danger. When we adopt a self-distanced perspective, our view of the world broadens. We can let go of the emotionality, seeing it for what it is, instead of letting it spiral. We see our current predicament as a challenge.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“When put through stressful situations, if we use self-distanced inner dialogue, it not only helps decrease anxiety, shame, and rumination, but also leads to better overall performance.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“But it was the final group, which focused on Bob the Builder, Batman, or Dora the Explorer as the example of someone who worked hard, who stayed on task nearly 60 percent of the time. The more the child was distanced from his inner self, the longer he or she persisted. “It’s easier to give advice to a friend than to yourself” is an adage that most of us have heard, and it largely holds. Should we quit a job or end a relationship? We’re often too close to the issue to have any sort of objectivity. We wrestle over the decision, with our inner voice offering a mix of justifications and rationalizations. Yet, if we see the same situation with a friend or acquaintance, the answer comes nearly instantly. We tell our friend that she needs to drop that guy without hesitation. This phenomenon doesn’t just hold true with giving advice, but also in helping us persist and navigate internal discomfort. It can be easily influenced simply by changing our grammar.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness