Do Hard Things Quotes

“Too often, we get stuck in the rut of apathy, because we haven’t flexed our hopeful muscle. Small actions that remind you that you have a choice go a long way to training the ability to put your brain back online.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“When life feels like it’s spinning out of control, or like the task you have in front of you is insurmountable, it’s easy to default to hopelessness. To “What’s the point?” That’s natural. Your body evolved to conserve energy. We need to train hopefulness. To clear the path to continue. It doesn’t take big heroic efforts to train hope. Small signals that you are in control, that you can have an impact, will be enough to turn our prefrontal cortex back on.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“The rats and dogs weren’t learning how to be helpless. That was their default state. The dogs had to learn that they had control. That they could, in scientific terms, activate their prefrontal cortex. Turn on their controller, which allowed them to turn the alarm off. If they felt like they had control over the situation, they wouldn’t succumb to the listless apathy that lack of control seems to foretell. We need to train to be able to turn the alarm off. It wasn’t learned helplessness. It was learned hopefulness.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“A key component of real toughness is acknowledging when something is hard, not pretending it isn’t. An honest appraisal of ourself and the situation allows us to have a productive response to stress.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“TOUGHNESS MAXIM Embrace reality. Accurate appraisal of demands + accurate appraisal of our abilities.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“When there’s a difference between what you project and what you are capable of, it all crumbles under stressful situations. If, on the other hand, you’re honest with yourself, and acknowledge what your strengths and weaknesses are, what you’re capable of and what might scare you, then you can come to terms with what you’re facing and deal with it.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“TOUGHNESS MAXIM Our appraisal of a situation as a threat or as a challenge depends on the perceived demands of that stressor versus our perceived abilities to handle them. Do we have the resources to handle the demands?”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“if we see the stressor as an opportunity for growth or gain, as something that is difficult but that we can handle, we’re more likely to experience a challenge response. Instead of relying mostly on cortisol, our body releases more testosterone and adrenaline.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“A tougher runner isn’t one who is blind with ambition or confidence, but one who can accurately assess the demands and the situation. The magic is in aligning actual and expected demands. When our assessment of our capabilities is out of sync with the demands, we get the schoolchildren version of performance. Starting a project with reckless confidence, only to look up and realize the work it entails. When such a mismatch exists, we’re more likely to spiral toward doubts and insecurities, and to ultimately abandon our pursuit. When actual and expected demands align, we’re able to pace to perfection, or outside of the athletic realm, perform up to our current capabilities.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“A tougher runner isn’t one who is blind with ambition or confidence, but one who can accurately assess the demands and the situation. The magic is in aligning actual and expected demands. When our assessment of our capabilities is out of sync with the demands, we get the schoolchildren version of performance. Starting a project with reckless confidence, only to look up and realize the work it entails. When such a mismatch exists, we’re more likely to spiral toward doubts and insecurities, and to ultimately abandon our pursuit. When actual and expected demands align, we’re able to pace to perfection, or outside of the athletic realm, perform up to our current capabilities. It’s why experienced writers don’t go into their first draft expecting perfection.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“In the field of exercise science, there’s a simple formula that dictates how we utilize effort to govern our pacing and ultimately our performance: Performance = Actual demands ÷ Expected demands”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“Toughness is about making the pull for closure amid uncertainty work with you, not against you. It’s training the mind to handle uncertainty long enough so that you can nudge or guide your response in the right direction. To create space so that you don’t jump straight from unease to the quickest possible solution, but to the “correct” one. The first step in redefining toughness is to understand where we went wrong, why bulldozing through often leads to a worse outcome.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“How do we get from discomfort to action? Feel → Inner debate → Urge → Decision (freak out OR find our way through)”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“Toughness isn’t a sorting exercise. We need to teach the skills to handle adversity. Development is not merely putting people through challenging times. As the military discovered, sink or swim doesn’t work. When researchers evaluated soldiers who were able to keep a clear head during extreme stress, they found that the soldiers: appraised stress as a challenge instead of a threat, thanks in large part to a better assessment of what they encountered; utilized a diverse array of methods to cope with stress, demonstrating a high degree of cognitive flexibility; processed internal signals better, without reacting to them; and didn’t react to negative stimuli but instead were able to change their physiological state. In other words, soldiers were training their biology and psychology to work in tandem during challenging moments. It’s not that they weren’t experiencing discomfort; instead, they had figured out ways to maintain clarity when everything around them was pushing them toward chaos. High performers are able to work their way through adversity and challenge with the same equanimity. When put in situations that require toughness, it’s not that they are bulldozing through the experiences; they navigate them with grit and grace.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“I surveyed dozens of authors, entrepreneurs, executives, soldiers, and athletes, nearly all having moments of wanting to throw their manuscript in the trash, debating ways to get out of their approaching deadline, or finding a hole to step in to end the misery of the race they are running. Negative thoughts of quitting are normal. They don’t mean you are weak. They represent your mind trying to protect you.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“Real toughness isn’t just about helping you deal with pain or perform better; it’s about making you a healthier, happier human being.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“For the first half of any race, the less thinking, the better. It’s wasted mental effort. No one wins the race in the first half of an endurance contest; they only lose it. Less thinking meant fewer thoughts about the impending pain or doubts over whether I could sustain the pace the whole way.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“Whether discomfort comes in the form of anxiety, fear, pain, uncertainty, or fatigue, navigating through it is what toughness is all about. Not bulldozing or pushing through, but navigating. Sometimes that means going through, around, under, or waiting until it passes. When we frame toughness as a decision to act under discomfort, it allows us to see that toughness is far more than merely having grit or grinding through. We can actively change how we appraise, experience, and respond to discomfort.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“Super Bowl. He also believes in toughness. Carroll wants players who come through when the game is on the line. But instead of relying solely on discipline, he believes toughness comes from somewhere much different: from an inner drive to keep them focused, from embracing challenges and bouncing back if things didn’t go their way, from perseverance and passion.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“Fake toughness is easy to identify. It’s Bobby Knight losing control and throwing tantrums in the name of “discipline.” It’s the appearance of power without substance behind it. It’s the idea that toughness is about fighting and ass-kicking. It’s the guy picking a fight at your local gym. The anonymous poster acting like a hard-ass on message boards. The bully at school. The executive who masks his insecurity by yelling at his subordinates. The strength coach who works her athletes so hard that they frequently get injured or sick. The person who hates the “other” because that’s a lot easier than facing their own pain and suffering. The parent who confuses demandingness for discipline. The coaches who mistake control for respect. And the vast majority of us who have mistaken external signs of strength for inner confidence and drive.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“For far too long, we’ve confused toughness with something far more sinister. We’ve made the mistake of Bobby Knight and authoritarian parents: confusing the appearance of strength with possessing it, and confusing being callous with instilling discipline. And the truth is, it’s all fake.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“Here’s the problem: in trying to toughen through callousness, we’ve trained ourselves to respond to fear and power. The reason we push through discomfort is because we imagine someone is standing over us yelling, or that if we fail, we will face punishment.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“screaming in his face do when it’s him alone on the field? The answer lies in how one young athlete responded when questioned about his experience with punishment in sport: “Coaches use exercise as punishment because they want you to become stronger. . . . It gets in your head and you start thinking, ‘I need to do better. I need to work harder because I don’t want to be punished.” This young man didn’t want to work harder because he wanted to get better, to win the game, or for some sort of internal reason. He wanted to avoid punishment. That’s the message we are sending.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“The authoritarian style creates the appearance of discipline without actually fostering it.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“For too long, our definition of toughness revolved around a belief that the toughest individuals are ones who have thick skin, fear nothing, constrain any emotional reaction, and hide all signs of vulnerability. In other words, they are callous.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“The “just right” Goldilocks fit occurs when expectations are high, but so is support. High demand accompanied by warmth and understanding.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“The “just right” Goldilocks fit occurs when expectations are high, but so is support.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“Being able to see yourself grow is a fundamental human need. As leaders, we need to create environments that allow people to see a brighter future that includes growth and mastery. That means providing pathways for moving up in the workplace and multiple different ways on which to judge success and growth. If it’s only about a single metric or the bottom line, we’re setting ourselves up for failure.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“No one exemplifies this more than former president Donald Trump, who has declared a long list of topics that he “knows more about than anyone,” including campaign finances, courts, social media, renewable energy, taxes, construction, technology, and dozens of other items. Being loud and boisterous doesn’t signal confidence. It’s the opposite.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“Self-esteem is the likeliest candidate for a social vaccine, something that empowers us to live responsibly and that inoculates us against the lures of crime, violence, substance abuse, teen pregnancy, child abuse, chronic welfare dependency, and educational failure.” There was one little problem. The conclusions were a lie, based on opinion, not what the research actually found. According to the data, the lone scientist, Smelser, concluded, “Self-esteem remains elusive because it is difficult to pinpoint scientifically. . . . The associations between self-esteem and its expected consequences are mixed, insignificant, or absent.” The scientific validation was not there.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness