Do Hard Things Quotes

“When sports psychologist Judy Van Raalte and colleagues at Springfield College investigated positive and negative self-talk during a number of tennis matches, they found that winners and losers didn’t differ in the amount of positive self-talk they used. However, match winners utilized less negative self-talk than their less successful peers. When they dug further into the data, they found that it wasn’t so much whether someone had positive or negative self-talk but how they interpreted it. Those who believed in self-talk’s effectiveness lost fewer points than those who saw self-talk as largely irrelevant.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“What does winning the inner debate mean? Sometimes it means listening to the angel on your shoulder instead of the devil. Other times it means letting the negative voice float on by as if it’s your “friend” giving a Facebook rant. Remember that thoughts allow us to engage with the internal chaos. Sometimes we want to take up that fight. Other times we want to redirect it. When it comes to winning the inner debate, there are three tactics that we can utilize and develop: Change your voice: inside versus outside Know what voice to listen to: positive or negative Decrease the bond: from me to she”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“Toughness is about accurately reading these signals—knowing what your body is saying and being able to decide whether or not to respond. It’s not that we have to give in to every craving, every signal. Some might be wrong. Others (e.g., the urge to eat sweets) may be a remnant from a past when calories were much harder to come by. Reading your feelings and emotions helps give you the ability to choose whether to give them attention, simply let them pass by, or utilize them for motivation. When testing how individuals work in high-pressure situations, researchers out of Spain found that people could use the anxiety that came along with pressure to their advantage. They could persist longer at a task, reach a higher level of achievement on an academic test, and even have greater job satisfaction. All thanks to the feeling of anxiety.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“If we focus on the front end, interpreting and understanding our emotions, we have the potential to impact everything downstream—from where our attention goes, to our inner dialogue, to our behavioral response. We give ourselves a better shot at delaying the jump from feeling stressed to a full-blown freak-out. The ability to read and understand our inner world determines whether we are at a loss, guessing what alarm is going off, or know what message our body is trying to send. If we know the message, choosing the correct solution becomes much easier.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“Tough individuals develop the ability to discern the nuance that most of us are blind to. Thankfully, this is a skill that can be developed. As we’ve seen in this chapter, discerning nuance involves two components: Awareness of feelings and sensations Interpretation and contextualization of feelings and emotions”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“Impaired interoceptive awareness has been found in everything from addiction to eating disorders. When we aren’t able to make sense of our internal world, we turn to external ways to cope. The same holds true for other feelings and sensations. Kindergartners who don’t understand the shame or angst of getting in trouble for the first time resort to tantrums. Or the person who after a frustrating day at work takes their anger out on their partner. When we don’t have clarity in our internal world, we tend to resort to less effective coping mechanisms. An ability to read and discern our inner world gives us the flexibility to respond in a more productive manner.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“Our feelings and emotions provide an overview of the homeostatic function of the entire body, a status update of sorts. Emotions help to alert, advise, and regulate. Yet, in the old model of toughness, we’re told that emotions should be ignored or suppressed. We shun instead of embrace what we feel. The old model falls short. In order to navigate discomfort, we need to listen to the messages our body is sending.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“According to the theory of compensatory control, we try to establish order in the outside world in an effort to gain control in the internal.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“Giving yourself a choice sometimes means entertaining the idea of quitting, slowing down, or even giving up. It’s not that I want you to do so, but by having a choice, by needing to make a decision, you are developing a sense of control. By considering quitting as an option, you now have influence over the outcome, even if one result is negative.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“Instead of wrestling the giant monster, start with the smallest item that you can have control over that’s related to the problem. Is it your breath? Can you intentionally slow your breathing down? Or maybe it’s something as simple as showing up on time or getting through the first mile of your marathon.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“When we don’t have control, we lose the capacity to cope. It’s when we have a choice that toughness is trained.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“study of over two hundred men and women found that when athletes trained in an autonomy-supportive environment, there was a correlation with the satisfaction of their basic psychological needs for well-being. Controlling environments were associated with thwarting an individual’s basic needs and with lower overall satisfaction. Furthermore, they found that those in a supportive environment tended to have higher levels of mental toughness and better performances.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“We lose the ability to try. Lack of control extinguishes the flame of even the most motivated. When we lack control, when we feel like no matter what we do, it doesn’t make any difference, our brain is getting the message “What’s the point?”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“A quiet ego is about keeping ourself in balance—coming to terms with the need for confidence, but being keenly aware of the strengths and weaknesses of ourselves and our situation. It’s being open and receptive to others, instead of defensive and closed off. It’s having the ability to zoom out, gain perspective, and understand that a short-term loss is often part of a long-term gain. How do we quiet our ego? Ask: What causes you to sting, ruminate, and pull away? What causes you to default toward defensiveness? Do you dismiss criticism out of hand, or do you consider and evaluate it? What you’re after is a dash of self-awareness and reflection combined with a secure sense of who you are. A bit of doubt and insecurity is normal. Too much defensiveness and protection are signs your ego’s too loud.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“When the work is done in the name of getting better, of enjoying the process, of searching for mastery of the craft, then confidence gradually grows. A feeling that “I’ve been here before, I’m prepared for this challenge.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“Real toughness resides in being humble and wise enough to acknowledge your strengths and weaknesses. To find the right point of risk versus reward, to balance upon the expectations-versus-demands scale.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“taught me an exercise to reframe expectations. Instead of aiming for our best performance, something that we can only accomplish rarely, shoot for improving your best average. When we judge ourselves against our all-time best, we inevitably fall short more often than not. Instead, averaging out our five most recent performances gives us a still tricky but achievable goal. The aim is first to be consistent. Don’t lower your expectations just so you can become confident. Understand what you are capable of, and set a standard that falls within that realm or just a touch outside of it. Embrace reality. Understand that a breakthrough doesn’t come from creating a false sense of confidence;”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“When we are overconfident, we set ourselves up for failure. This isn’t idle conjecture: researchers have found this phenomenon in everything from competing in sports to deciding whether to stay in a relationship or quit your job. It’s easy to feel confident in the beginning but when we come face-to-face with the reality that we might fall short of our goal, we experience what psychologists call an action crisis.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“TOUGHNESS MAXIM Confidence is a filter, tinting how we see the challenges before us and our ability to handle them.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“True confidence has to be founded in reality, and it comes from the inside. It’s not in ignoring the human condition of experiencing doubt and insecurity, but coming to terms with them and what you’re capable of. It’s not in the elimination of doubt, but in allowing enough doubt to keep us in check, while being secure in the knowledge that we’ll find a way past the obstacle in our way.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“Confidence expands our ability to act, to manage, and to make our way through difficult situations. Confidence and toughness go hand in hand.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“When confidence was low, the athletes “were irrational, and unable to control their nerves, think positively or maintain focus on their usual routines.” It’s as if their brains were hijacked.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“Judging yourself by how much effort you gave or whether you executed your plan offers a road map for what can be worked on during the next go-round.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“Embrace reality. Accurate appraisal of demands + accurate appraisal of our abilities.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“Our appraisal of a situation as a threat or as a challenge depends on the perceived demands of that stressor versus our perceived abilities to handle them. Do we have the resources to handle the demands?”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“Research consistently shows that tougher individuals are able to perceive stressful situations as challenges instead of threats. A challenge is something that’s difficult, but manageable. On the other hand, a threat is something we’re just trying to survive, to get through. This difference in appraisals isn’t because of an unshakable confidence or because tougher individuals downplay the difficulty. Rather, those who can see situations as a challenge developed the ability to quickly and accurately assess the situation and their ability to cope with”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“A tougher runner isn’t one who is blind with ambition or confidence, but one who can accurately assess the demands and the situation. The magic is in aligning actual and expected demands. When our assessment of our capabilities is out of sync with the demands, we get the schoolchildren version of performance. Starting a project with reckless confidence, only to look up and realize the work it entails. When such a mismatch exists, we’re more likely to spiral toward doubts and insecurities, and to ultimately abandon our pursuit. When actual and expected demands align, we’re able to pace to perfection, or outside of the athletic realm, perform up to our current capabilities. It’s why experienced writers don’t go into their first draft expecting perfection. They understand it’s going to be messy, and often not that good. Contrary to old-school toughness wisdom, a touch of realistic doubt keeps us on track and makes it more likely that we will persist. Toughness is about embracing the reality of where we are and what we have to do. Not deluding ourselves, filling ourselves with a false confidence, or living in denial. All of that simply sends us sprinting off the line, only to slow to a walk once reality hits. Being tough begins long before we enter the arena or walk on stage. It starts with our expectations.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“It’s training the mind to handle uncertainty long enough so that you can nudge or guide your response in the right direction. To create space so that you don’t jump straight from unease to the quickest possible solution, but to the “correct” one. The first step in redefining toughness is to understand where we went wrong, why bulldozing through often leads to a worse outcome.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“We all face similar pulls, and understanding this process is central to navigating it.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“Through a combination of Bryant’s skill and the help of bending and breaking recruiting rules, A&M got better talent to complement their core players. In his autobiography, Bryant explained, “That first year was brutal. We could hardly get anybody to come to A&M, and I know some of our alumni went out and paid a few boys.” Better talent meant better results, regardless of how that talent was acquired.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness