Do Hard Things Quotes

“When researchers looked at the ability to persist in various domains—from cycling to math to calling for donations—one factor kept popping up. Those who persisted had different goals. They weren’t driven by fear, or guilt, or pressure. They didn’t keep working in pursuit of money. They were pursuing a goal because it aligned with who they were and brought them enjoyment and contentment. They were choosing to do the work, not being forced to. And they were having more success.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“Two different states. Both bringing about top performance. One requires grit, the other grace. One accepting, the other a conscious decision. In many ways, the clutch-versus-flow paradigm reflects toughness. We tend to think of it as a singular method: push through, persist. But as we’ve come to realize, that’s a false constriction. Being tough means being able to choose the right strategy, given your abilities and the situation.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“Athletes experiencing clutch states report one more difference. They had to actively make a decision. “There was a definite feeling of a switching of gears, and ‘Right, okay, things are quite serious here.’ . . . A feeling of having to take action,” a polar explorer reported to Swann and colleagues when they were investigating clutch states. Clutch states didn’t just appear. Athletes didn’t just happen upon them. With clutch states, there was a conscious decision to increase effort and intensity. They had to flip the switch. How they did so varied, but when they were at the toughest part of the performance, they figured out how to choose to increase their effort. Clutch required choosing; flow required experiencing.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“Real toughness is about having a myriad of potential options. Many will fail, but the chances are a lot higher that we’ll find a way to stop or minimize the damage of a careening snowball.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“According to the process model of emotions, emotions gain steam as they go through cycles of attention, appraisal, and response. We start with a small, simple feeling, but as it stirs around in our mind, as we divert more and more of our attentional resources, as we try to react to the discomfort, it grows in power. We’ve pushed the snowball down a hill. This cycle repeats until the emotion has been extinguished, been redirected, or taken over.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“The broaden-and-build theory of emotions states that positive emotions expand our cognition and our opportunities for action. According to Fredrickson, when we experience positive emotions, we’re more likely to have novel thoughts, take on new challenges, and embrace new experiences. On the other hand, negative emotions tend to make us narrow our possibilities. Negative emotions constrain our thoughts and behavior. Our options become limited when we’re swamped by anger. Whether it’s attention, cognition, or emotion, the pattern is clear. Broad is the way to go; narrow is to be avoided.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“A narrow focus doesn’t just leave our imagination empty; it plays a large role in rumination and depression.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“Regardless of the setup, the results consistently show that when we go broad with our attention, our imagination runs wild and our creative juices flow.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“Creativity is key to zooming out because it is the cornerstone of problem-solving, which is essential to our rethinking of toughness. Creativity broadens our world, opening up potential paths and preventing us from defaulting to the well-worn route that may be easy to follow, but ultimately leads us to more frustration. Whether you are facing your twentieth rejection letter for that book that deserves publication or trying to keep your sanity while wrangling twenty five-year-olds in a classroom, a little imagination can be the difference between giving up and finding a way forward.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“Existential psychologist Rollo May best captured the essence of what we are after when he stated in The Courage to Create, “Human freedom involves our capacity to pause between stimulus and response and, in that pause, to choose the one response toward which we wish to throw our weight.” With the individuals that I work with, we’ve even given this search for space a name: creating the ability to have a calm conversation.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“Burnout trains our brain to react in the exact opposite way that meditation does: a hyperreactive alarm without a “brake” to control the runaway emotional response. The modern workplace is training us to lose control over our inner world.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“A good internal voice is rather like (and just as important as) a genuinely decent judge: someone who can separate good from bad but who will always be merciful, fair, accurate in understanding what’s going on, and interested in helping us deal with our problems.” It’s not whether our inner voice is an optimist or a pessimist. It’s whether it’s fair. If we find our internal negativity holding us back, or our eternally optimistic “You can do it!” voice getting in the way of our seeing reality, we need to broaden our experience.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“In a study looking at positive self-talk, researchers out of the University of Waterloo found that positive self-talk worked as long as the subject had high self-esteem. If they had low self-esteem, positive self-talk could be detrimental. In other words, your brain isn’t going to be fooled by false bravado. We need a degree of belief that what we are saying is true. When it comes to self-talk, if you fake it, you don’t make it.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“True toughness is about navigating. It’s paying attention to the voices in my head, and making adjustments to address or overcome them. Not blindly pushing through them, but taking the time to see what works in that moment. Sometimes that meant giving more power to that voice, by talking out loud. Other times, it meant letting that inner thought float on by.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“I can’t do this; they’ll see right through me” pops into your mind as you sit in the conference room, stomach in knots, waiting for your one shot to impress a major client. Just before you break out into panic, another thought surfaces: “Wait a minute. You’re prepared. You know this inside and out. You’ve got this!” The old model of toughness shuts down this internal debate, preferring to push away or refuse to acknowledge whatever voice we deem as destructive. As if the negative voice is a character flaw, a sign of “weakness” seeping out. But new research shows that both voices are telling you something important. Neither is good or bad; they are conveying information that sometimes we want to listen to, other times we let float by. When we reframe toughness as something defined by awareness of these voices, they become tools that help us make better decisions when things get hard.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“The researchers concluded, “Individuals who are clear about their feelings are more likely to thrive on anxiety.” Even so-called negative feelings can be beneficial. It comes down to clarity of our inner world.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“When we name something, we take back control—converting the ambiguous to something tangible that we can understand, manipulate, and come to terms with. Even how we talk about feelings and emotions matters. Take the example of depression. It’s common to say, “I’m sad.” But that doesn’t make sense when you think about it. That implies that sadness is concrete, a trait that you can’t change. If instead you say, “I’m experiencing a wave of sadness,” it implies that it’s a trait that will pass. It might seem trivial, but the language we use to describe what we are experiencing goes a long way in determining whether we have power over our emotions or they control us.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“And in an intriguing study out of the UK, psychologists found that stock traders who had better interoception not only were more profitable but also lasted longer in a business that is notorious for turnover. It wasn’t the traders with the better credentials who excelled at making risky decisions; it was the ones who could read their body. When I presented this research to my friend Marcel, who works in a similar field that relies on assessing and making risky decisions, investment banking, he replied, “Pedigree gets you in the door; thoughtfulness and self-awareness are what separate you.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“reason, play a vital role. In his book, Haidt concluded, “When we’re trying to decide what we think about something, we look inward, at how we’re feeling. If I’m feeling good, I must like it, and if I’m feeling anything unpleasant, that must mean I don’t like it.” And while we’ve focused on moral judgments, feelings play the same role in just about any decision we make. Feelings like disgust send a message, telling us whether something is good or bad for us. Feelings don’t just communicate; they nudge us toward a behavior. Push us toward action. They help us decide what path to choose.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“The research is clear. The Junction Boys model of toughness that teaches us to ignore or suppress what we feel goes against how our brain and body actually work. The “power through” mantra makes sense only if you actually take stock of what you are powering through. That is what the old definition of grit got wrong. Feelings are signals that need to be understood. Pain isn’t something to fear or push our way through; it’s a message that needs interpretation. One that sometimes needs heeding, and other times can be allowed to pass by. And if we mistake a challenge for danger or nerves for a full-blown anxiety attack, it doesn’t matter how “tough” we are; we are headed straight toward a “freak-out.” The first step to toughness is training your body and mind to understand and interpret the signals you are receiving.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“Ignoring what we feel is akin to destroying the indicators on our dashboard. No need to know when oil or gas is running low; we’ll just guess.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“Here’s why listening to our emotions is essential to true toughness: they are telling us important information. Our feelings and emotions aren’t merely the fuel gauge in our car, but more like the little indicator that tells you about how many miles you have left to drive before the tank is empty. Our bodies are taking in sensory information and making the best guess on what it should keep us informed about.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“Feelings aren’t merely reactive, informing us of what’s going on, but they are also predictive, informing us of what’s to come. According to the latest scientific theory, our brain predicts the feedback that it will receive.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“If we listen, our feelings inform and guide us.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“In his book The Strange Order of Things, neuroscientist Antonio Damasio summarizes our current understanding: emotions and feelings “provide us with a moment-to-moment perspective on the state of our health. . . . When we experience a condition that is conducive to the continuation of life, we describe it in positive terms and call it pleasant.” Feelings—be they excitement, fatigue, or unease—represent a summary of our interoceptive system, a signal that something is different and that we should pay attention to it.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“If feelings are meant to inform and nudge, emotions are the alarm bells, screaming at you that something changed and that you need to do something about it. Emotions move us from nudge to shove.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“Feelings are messengers that nudge. They are our body saying, “Hmm . . . something is different,” before sending us on a quest to figure out why we feel a certain way.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“Giving yourself a choice sometimes means entertaining the idea of quitting, slowing down, or even giving up. It’s not that I want you to do so, but by having a choice, by needing to make a decision, you are developing a sense of control. By considering quitting as an option, you now have influence over the outcome, even if one result is negative. By actively considering quitting, instead of seeing it as something to avoid and never let cross your mind, you are now training toughness. Consider what it would be like to abandon your goal or quit your job.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“The key to improving mental toughness does not lie in constraining and controlling individuals. It doesn’t lie in developing harsh punishments to teach them a lesson. It doesn’t lie in screaming at a person to complete whatever demanding task is in front of them. When we don’t have control, we lose the capacity to cope. It’s when we have a choice that toughness is trained. Our brain literally turns on, figuring out how to work our way through the situation at hand. We were born to choose, so let us learn how to do it.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“When we have control and can actively choose, we turn on our prefrontal cortex, giving us the ability to regulate our emotional response to stress or adversity. When we lack the ability to choose, our prefrontal cortex learns to shut off, to let the stress response run wild. It’s no wonder that we transform into passive responders to whatever challenge we face. We give up. When we take choice away, our brain learns to be helpless instead of hopeful.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness