Do Hard Things Quotes

“The story of the Junction Boys has become a symbol for coaches and players everywhere. While harsh, the training camp was a rousing success. If you want to get the best out of a team, weed out the weak players and harden the remaining ones. Toughening up individuals was the secret to success. It’s a story that’s been memorialized in a bestselling book and an ESPN movie. It’s a story that we’ve held on to as the blueprint for creating toughness.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“Real toughness is experiencing discomfort or distress, leaning in, paying attention, and creating space to take thoughtful action. It’s navigating discomfort to make the best decision you can.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“Toughness is having the space to make the right choice under discomfort.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“The results of this study seem to suggest that the ‘keys’ to promoting mental toughness do not lie in this autocratic, authoritarian, or oppressive style. It appears to lie, paradoxically, with the coach’s ability to produce an environment, which emphasizes trust and inclusion, humility, and service.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“believes toughness comes from somewhere much different: from an inner drive to keep them focused, from embracing challenges and bouncing back if things didn’t go their way, from perseverance and passion.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“Pete Carroll isn’t a saint; he’s a coach. After losing his job as an NFL head coach in the 1990s, Carroll stopped imitating what others did and followed his own path. It may sound like he’s an easygoing “player’s coach” who is “soft” on his team, but Carroll is one of only three coaches in history to win both an NCAA championship and a Super Bowl. He also believes in toughness.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“It's too tempting to paint the picture that those who survived did so because they were tougher, but that's too simplistic of a narrative.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“Man’s Search for Meaning.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“The broaden-and-build theory of emotions states that positive emotions expand our cognition and our opportunities for action. According to Fredrickson, when we experience positive emotions, we’re more likely to have novel thoughts, take on new challenges, and embrace new experiences. On the other hand, negative emotions tend to make us narrow our possibilities. Negative emotions constrain our thoughts and behavior.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“Toughness is about making the pull for closure amid uncertainty work with you, not against you. It’s training the mind to handle uncertainty long enough so that you can nudge or guide your response in the right direction. To create space so that you don’t jump straight from unease to the quickest possible solution, but to the “correct” one.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“Heidi Wayment has pioneered the idea of a quiet ego. As she told Scientific American, with a quiet ego, “the volume of the ego is turned down so that it might listen to others as well as the self in an effort to approach life more humanely and compassionately.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“We like to walk around with a story in our head that we are a good, decent, competent person. Whenever evidence presents itself to the contrary, our ego goes into overdrive to rationalize, justify, or explain away why the opposite cannot, must not, be true. Our ego does many good things for us, acting like a social immune system that swats away psychological threats.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“When the work is done in the name of getting better, of enjoying the process, of searching for mastery of the craft, then confidence gradually grows. A feeling that “I’ve been here before, I’m prepared for this challenge.” It’s the writer who shows up at his desk every day and writes. The dancer who spends countless hours perfecting her routine. The executive who game-planned just about every scenario possible. The result might not always end up as hoped for, but doing the work provides a secure confidence founded in something concrete”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“Wilt’s message was a simple one that’s been repeated by coaches for generations: trust your training, trust your fitness. These simple phrases are meant to relay a much more profound lesson: that true confidence is founded in doing the work.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“We need to feel comfortable with who we are but be able to change. We need a secure but flexible identity. If our identity becomes set in stone, then any sort of threat to our inner narrative is interpreted as an attack. We’ll dig in, defending who we are at all costs and utilizing our cognitive bias to keep our sense of self intact. If, on the other hand, we acknowledge our foibles, then we can take ourselves out of this defensive stance, with the knowledge that the structure of who we are is stable, but the details are up for revision. It’s not an attack, but an aid to understanding our weaknesses.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“When we are vulnerable, the words, phrases, and criticisms that might get under our skin lose their power if we’ve acknowledged and come to terms with them. It’s when we try to hide our insecurities that they can be exploited.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“You do so by taking a hard look at where you are in the moment. Understanding what you are capable of, what challenges the task brings, and where your weaknesses might lie. Real toughness resides in being humble and wise enough to acknowledge your strengths and weaknesses. To find the right point of risk versus reward, to balance upon the expectations-versus-demands scale. Vulnerability—in acknowledging that you aren’t going to be stoic, be impervious to pain or pressure, or never fail—is the only way to obtain inner confidence. Truly tough individuals don’t mind exploring their weaknesses. They develop the capacity to express vulnerability and pain without fear of being shamed. Refusal to explore or acknowledge your weaknesses is a sign of insecurity, not confidence.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“Brian Zuleger, a sports psychologist out of Adams State University, taught me an exercise to reframe expectations. Instead of aiming for our best performance, something that we can only accomplish rarely, shoot for improving your best average. When we judge ourselves against our all-time best, we inevitably fall short more often than not. Instead, averaging out our five most recent performances gives us a still tricky but achievable goal.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“We’ve gone about creating confidence all wrong, thinking it must mean that we are confident in all situations regardless of our capacity to face the challenge. That the tough can take on anything. We need to lower the bar and realize that confidence simply means having security in knowing that you can accomplish whatever is within your capabilities. It’s not in being able to do the impossible.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“the best way to be prepared for a challenge isn’t bravado but tragic optimism, a sense of reality in the short run but hope over the long haul.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“If we artificially elevate our confidence, telling ourselves this will be a piece of cake or we’ve got this in the bag, our brain is constantly receiving the message that we won’t have to work hard to achieve our goal. If it’s supposed to be easy, why should we waste excess resources? When reality hits us, we jump straight to a freak-out. “What’s happening?! I thought this was going to be easy or within our capabilities,” our mind might think. Cultivating fake confidence creates insecurity for our minds to exploit.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“For example, take the students who go into a test acting confident, even though they did the bare minimum of studying to prepare for it. Sure, they can fake it, pump themselves up, convince themselves they can rely on their ability to BS on the writing prompt, or use the multiple-choice test to their advantage. But the moment they encounter a few questions that leave them feeling hopeless, reality seeps in, their body is flooded with stress hormones, and panic takes over their minds. The greater the mismatch between expectations and reality, the worse off we are.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“When we face a challenge, expectation and reality should have a high degree of overlap. Whenever they do not (i.e., a high sense of confidence and low ability to meet the task’s demands, or vice versa), then our likelihood to persist through a challenge or even perform at our best is greatly diminished.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“We’ve demonized doubt. Showing any weakness, having any hesitation, is a sure sign that you don’t deserve the raise. Humility and vulnerability are signs that you can’t handle “tough” situations.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“We talk a big game and never discuss our insecurities or doubts. It’s all about the appearance of belief. But when push comes to shove, this external variety fails. True confidence has to be founded in reality, and it comes from the inside. It’s not in ignoring the human condition of experiencing doubt and insecurity, but coming to terms with them and what you’re capable of. It’s not in the elimination of doubt, but in allowing enough doubt to keep us in check, while being secure in the knowledge that we’ll find a way past the obstacle in our way. For far too long we’ve correctly insisted on the value of confidence, but we’ve gone along building the wrong kind.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“Confidence is a filter, tinting how we see the challenges before us and our ability to handle them. It tips the scales toward an optimistic or pessimistic view of our current situation. When our confidence is high, we are able to cope with the demands of the event. We can manage our fears and doubts, quiet the negative voices, and redirect our focus to the task at hand. Confidence expands our ability to act, to manage, and to make our way through difficult situations.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“When you judge yourself solely by what place you came across the finish line, it provides zero actionable information on how to improve in the future. Judging yourself by how much effort you gave or whether you executed your plan offers a road map for what can be worked on during the next go-round.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“when we’re trying to perform at our best, seeing the world through the lens of a threat isn’t what we need. We want to see the task as a challenge.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“if we see the stressor as an opportunity for growth or gain, as something that is difficult but that we can handle, we’re more likely to experience a challenge response.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

“Are we like the expert marathoners who are able to match expected effort at any given moment during a race with their actual experience? Or are we like the grade school kids who misjudge how difficult running a mile will be? Does our appraisal of our skills match our appraisal of the demands of the situation? This mismatch between situational demands and our capacity to cope doesn’t just determine running performance; it determines what kind of response to stress we’ll have.”
― Steve Magness, Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness