“Toughness isn’t a sorting exercise. We need to teach the skills to handle adversity. Development is not merely putting people through challenging times. As the military discovered, sink or swim doesn’t work. When researchers evaluated soldiers who were able to keep a clear head during extreme stress, they found that the soldiers: appraised stress as a challenge instead of a threat, thanks in large part to a better assessment of what they encountered; utilized a diverse array of methods to cope with stress, demonstrating a high degree of cognitive flexibility; processed internal signals better, without reacting to them; and didn’t react to negative stimuli but instead were able to change their physiological state. In other words, soldiers were training their biology and psychology to work in tandem during challenging moments. It’s not that they weren’t experiencing discomfort; instead, they had figured out ways to maintain clarity when everything around them was pushing them toward chaos. High performers are able to work their way through adversity and challenge with the same equanimity. When put in situations that require toughness, it’s not that they are bulldozing through the experiences; they navigate them with grit and grace.”